Then why was it in your bathroom? I want to ask but I don’t.
“I don’t know where it came from,” he says, cringing a little.
See? Even he knows it sounds bad. But he hasn’t given me any indication that I’d have to worry about him.
“I don’t know what to say to you right now,” I admit to him. I don’t know how to handle this. I have Parker to think about. If Tane is back on drugs, he will have to go back to rehab. Parker will be devastated.
Everything is so fucked up right now. My emotions are scattered, so I do the only thing I can think of. I walk away. “I need time to think, Tane. Can we talk about it when you get home?”
He looks down, but nods.
I leave, hearing a loud crash as I close the door. The sound makes me flinch, but I keep on walking. I need to think.
But I leave half of my heart with him.
*****
Tane
When she leaves, I don’t stop her. Instead, I punch the wall. It leaves a dent in the plaster, and I don’t give a shit.
How did this happen? How could I have been so stupid? When Eddie walked me back to my room, then asked if he could quickly use the bathroom, I didn’t think anything of it. Clearly, I should have. Why did I trust him? He clearly hasn’t changed and I should have followed my gut instinct and walked away from him. Yes, he did want to talk about old times with my cousin, and it was nice. I like hearing stories about Keiran. But the thing about Eddie is I guess he wants me to fail, to be like him. He’s lonely and looking for a partner-in-crime. What else could it be?
I try and give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it was an accident. Maybe it slipped out of his pocket or something. Why else would he have left that cocaine in the bathroom? In my fucking room, when he knew I was clean.
I told him I was clean.
Fucking bastard.
I pace the hotel room. Why didn’t she believe me? Of course it looked bad, but why didn’t she give me a chance to explain myself? Did she expect me to fuck up? I walk into the bathroom and see the almost empty bag in the bin. I pick it up and examine it. I dip my finger into it and collect the small amount of remaining powder on my finger.
She thinks I did it. What difference would it make if I actually did? And such a small amount too.
It wouldn’t even do anything. It would just be a tiny taste.
I flush the bag down the toilet. I turn on the tap and wash my hands. I’m better than this; I know I am.
Stronger.
I stare at myself in the mirror. My son needs me. My fiancée needs me. They’re both counting on me. But more than that—I deserve better than this. I am better than this.
Nothing controls me anymore. I control my own actions.
I fought to be here, and I’ll fight to stay. I won’t let this selfish disease take control of me again. I deserve Giselle and Parker. Yes, I made some mistakes, but they are in the past, and there is no point looking back. I pack my suitcase.
Time for me to find Giselle and explain the truth. Make her listen.
Fuck work. I’d rather be at home with my family anyway.
I walk out of the room, more determined than I’ve ever been.
My soon-to-be wife better be ready to listen to what I have to say.
Chapter Twenty-four
Giselle
It takes me a while to hail a cab but when I do I jump in quickly, asking the driver to take me to the airport. A few silent tears drip down my cheeks, but I make no movement to dry them. Staring out the window, I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t shown up in his room. Would I ever have found out? I exhale heavily and cross my arms over my chest.
The drive goes quicker than I’d wished. I walk up to the service counter and book the next flight out, which happens to be departing in forty minutes, and boarding right now. Finally, some luck.
I think of making a call to Levi and Gage, but I don’t want to talk about it right now. That would make it real.
I’m definitely not ready for that.
I will call someone when I land.
The lady hands me back my credit card and I accept the boarding pass and walk through security. When I hear my name being called, I think I’m imagining it, but then I turn my head and see an angry looking Tane trying to walk towards me, but he’s being held back by the airline security.
He’s angry?
Why the hell is he angry?
He talks to the man, but the man shakes his head no.
They won’t let him come after me.
When he calls out my name, my heart breaks further.
I turn and walk away and board the plane. Only when I sit down in my seat do I allow more tears to fall.
*****
I call my brother and tell him that I’m back in Perth. I tell him I’ll catch a taxi to his house, but he says no, he or Levi will come now and get me, so I plop down in a chair in the Perth airport and wait for one of them to arrive. I put my phone on but ignore the countless number of missed calls and text messages from Tane. He and I need to have a talk. Me running away wasn’t the best course of action, I know that, but I couldn’t handle it. Maybe he didn’t touch the drugs? Maybe he was only considering it? Maybe there is still a chance? He could talk to his sponsor. He told me about him one night, a man named Timothy.