“I was just thinking about how I thought it was the best night of my life, making love to you, but you didn’t even know it was me. You thought you were fucking some random chick,” I say, unable to keep the bite out of my tone. Part of me feels embarrassed for being so open, but the rest of me wants him to know how he made me feel.
He covers his face with his hands and makes a pained sound. “You weren’t some random chick to me.”
“You didn’t even recognize me,” I snap, hiding my expression behind my curtain of hair. He walks over to me and pushes my hair out of my face. I flinch as his fingers almost graze my cheek.
“You could never be some random woman to me. I’m so fucking sorry about that night, Giselle,” he says, burying his face in my neck.
“How could you not know it was me?” I ask in a small, broken voice.
Silence.
“Tane?” I prompt.
“I wasn’t in a good place back then,” he says.
What does that even mean?
“I don’t understand …”
“I used to … have an issue with substances,” he says, cringing. “That night, I’d been drinking and I was high.”
“Drugs?” I ask, dragging the word out.
Tane was taking drugs? No fucking way, not my Tane.
“No,” I whisper. “What the fuck, Tane?”
“I know,” he replies, sounding ashamed.
I step away from him. “You were on drugs?”
Is that why he had sex with me?
He nods, and I have no idea what to say. My mind works, all the puzzle pieces fitting together. The way he looked back then, his words of not being a good person or being in a good place.
“Please don’t take him away from me,” he says, looking down at the floor.
I look around the kitchen. “Are you still using?”
He shakes his head and looks at me, letting me know he’s telling the truth. “I haven’t been on anything in a year. I swear. I’m done with that part of my life.”
“How did you stop?” I ask him. I know nothing much about drugs, except the basics. I can’t even imagine what he went through.
“I went to rehab. I’m completely clean now,” he replies in a low tone.
“Good,” I tell him, not knowing what else to say. “That’s … good.” The silence between us becomes tangible, the air in the room almost suffocating.
“I need to tell you something about that night though. If you would just—”
“I don’t want to talk about that night anymore,” I say, cutting him off. It hurts too damn much.
“Okay. I should go,” he says. He takes a step closer to me, maybe wanting to kiss me bye, but thinks better of it and walks to the door. There, he pauses. “Can I check on Parker before I go?”
I nod and wait for him as he disappears into his son’s room. He comes out and studies me for a few moments before saying, “Lock the door.”
I roll my eyes. “I will.”
“Can I come see you tomorrow?” he asks, voice hopeful.
“Yeah, okay,” I reply, shrugging my shoulders. This isn’t going away. Our issues aren’t going anywhere. We need to solve them, to make them better, but right now I’m feeling drained.
He says bye once more and then leaves. I lock the door behind him.
It’s only later that I replay his words in my head. He wanted to come and see me tomorrow? I’m sure he meant to say Parker.
Because there is no other reason for him to come by.
Chapter Nine
Tane
I glance down at Parker and watch him as he draws a picture. It’s more of a scribble really, but regardless I’ll be sticking it on my fridge with the other pictures he’s drawn me. A week has passed since I found out about him; a week since my life turned upside down.
It’s been one of the best weeks of my life.
Giselle has been keeping her distance. She has been kind, even though I know that sharing Parker must be hurting her. This messed up situation we’re in; it’s really shown me just how amazing she is. There are so many other ways this could have turned out. She could have punished me for how I treated her, but she’s not like that.
You don’t deserve her. I push the thought away and take a seat next to Parker.
“That picture is amazing,” I say as I take out a sheet of paper to join him. Parker grins at my compliment then continues to draw. Today is the first day that he’s come to my house to spend time with me. Rather than go to Giselle’s place, as I usually do, she said it was okay for him to spend the day at mine.
“I’m hungry,” he announces, turning his head and staring at me with wide eyes. There is nothing more refreshing than the honesty of a child. I wish all people were that upfront.