Spin My Love(17)

“When I found out I was pregnant I tried to ring you. Your publicist answered and refused to put the call through. When I tried to explain to her, she laughed and hung up. I’m guessing she was used to receiving pleading calls from women,” I add dryly before continuing. “I decided to fly out to Sydney to talk to you in person. I knew you were doing a gig at a club there, so I went. When I got there, I couldn’t find you. Apparently you had left early with …” I trail off, not wanting to go on. I was told he had left with more than one woman, so I just left. I was angry with him. I was hurt. Looking back, I should have just found him. Whether he was busy with other women or not, I should have just looked for him and tried to tell him. He deserved that much. He fucked up, but so did I. I flew back to Perth the next flight.

When Tane lowers his head into his hands with a strangled sound, I assume he remembers the night himself. When he looks up at me, his crestfallen expression makes my heart ache. He shakes his head.

“Fuck!” he growls, standing up and walking out of the house. I walk out behind to see him leaning against his car window, hands crossed against the top of the vehicle. When I see his shoulders slightly lifting, I wonder if he’s crying. I walk over to him and place my hand on his shoulder, frowning when he flinches at my touch.

“How can you even want to be near me right now?” he asks, the hollowness of his tone worrying me. I don’t understand.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“All this time you’ve been taking care of Parker by yourself, while I’ve been …” He trails off and I try my best not to finish that sentence. I don’t want to think about it. No matter what Tane has done, I don’t like to see him upset or hurt. He’s my weakness.

“It’s the past, okay? Now we just need to decide how to handle the future,” I say gently. Tane straightens and faces me. His eyes are faintly red, the only indication that he was upset. “I just want you to know that I got into this without expecting any help. I understand that this has been thrown at you and if you don’t want to be—”

“I want to be involved, Giselle,” he says, cutting me off. The way he says it is almost a question. “Can I come over tomorrow and talk to him?” He clears his throat. “I know I’ve fucked up, I mean, messed up, but more than anything I want to be in his life.”

I bite my lip when he changes the curse word. Maybe he will take this seriously.

“Alright,” I find myself saying. “We’ll sort this out.” He nods, but says nothing.

“Do you want to eat before you go?” I ask him, remembering the dinner I cooked. “And I’ll give you an ice pack for your face.”

“No thanks, I’m not hungry. And my face is fine,” he says idly. “Giselle, thank you.”

“For what?” I ask.

His voice comes out as a whisper. “For not hating me.”

I could never hate him. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing.

I puff out a deep breath. “I don’t hate you. This is a mess, but I don’t hate you. We have a lot to talk about, though.”

“You’re so strong,” he says, voice hoarse. “I’ll come around tomorrow.”

“Okay,” I reply.

I kiss him on the cheek and head inside, locking the door and turning on the alarm behind me. When the door is closed I lean back against it, closing my eyes.

What a day.

Things can only get better from here, right?

I knock on wood, just to be safe.



*****



Tane

I bury my head deeper into the pillow, wishing it would swallow me whole. I cannot believe this shit. I’ve fucked up numerous times in the past, but this really takes the cake.

My actions are now affecting others, affecting my son.

Parker.

Is it possible to love a kid so much? A kid you have only seen a couple of times, and only just found out was yours?

I already knew he was special. I already cared about him because he was a part of Giselle. But now … I don’t think words could fully express how I’m feeling. Soul-deep, mind-numbing love.

I have a son with the most amazing woman I have ever met. Even better, she’s giving me a chance, despite what a fuck-up I’ve proven myself to be. I can only hope that she will forgive me, even though I know I don’t deserve it. I will be better for them: my family. I sure as hell have a lot of making up to do.

I flip over onto my back and stare up at the ceiling. I wish my mother were here to meet her grandchild. She would have loved Parker, just as she loved me. I run my hand over my face, wincing at the pain around my swollen eye.