I slide my hands along her ass, her hips, needing to move them to keep myself in the moment. My initial reaction is to hide and not discuss this. This is hard. This is relationship shit I’m not ready for, but it’s time to stop hiding. I want to let myself feel what I want to feel for this woman. I owe her that. “I don’t know, babe. I hadn’t really thought of leaving once I came back.” She nods and swallows visibly before pushing a piece of hair behind her ear. “I like it here now. I love my jobs—”
“No, I know that.”
“But really,” I say, taking her hand in mine. “No matter what, I got you.” She gives me a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. “We don’t have to worry about this yet,” I say because the pure torture on her face is killing me. I hate it, and I don’t want her to burden herself with this yet. “We have months before we have to figure out what to do.”
“But we’ll figure it out together, correct?”
She brings her eyes to meet mine, and I reach up, cupping her jaw. “Of course, Ally. And no matter what, we’ll be together.”
“Really?”
“Really. I’m not letting you go that easy. Think you can ghost me? Please.”
She grins. “I would do no such thing.”
“We’re good,” I promise, cupping her ankle. She exhales the breath she must have been holding before she leans in to capture my mouth with hers. Our kisses turn urgent, but just as I’m about to slide my hands between her legs, my phone sounds, and then Ally’s does the same. Almost at the same time. We look at each other, surprised, before reaching for them on the table.
“It’s Aiden.”
“It’s Shelli.”
We say it at the same time, and she gets off me as I answer the ringing. “What’s up?”
“Dude, Posey just went back for surgery. She had an ectopic pregnancy.”
It all happens so quickly. His words. My heart dropping to my stomach as fear fills the spot where my heart just was. I hear Ally cry out in surprise as I assume Shelli is telling her the same thing. “I’m with Ally—”
“Okay. Take care of her. We were worried how she would handle this.”
The phone goes dead, and I throw it down, going right to Ally. I wrap my arms around her as she cries, holding me, while she and Shelli talk. I love Posey, and hearing that she had an ectopic pregnancy scares the shit out of me. But what is going through Ally’s head scares me even more. I’m aware that makes me a shitty dude, but Ally doesn’t cope well when she hears about people losing babies. It brings back the worst memories from her childhood, and my heart aches for her.
Ally’s sobs rip through her as she begs Shelli to keep her in the loop. When she hangs up, I take her phone and wrap her up tighter in my arms. Her body shakes within my embrace, and I try to hold her closer, to make her feel safe. I kiss her temple, her cheek, before I kiss her jaw. “It’s okay. She’ll be fine.”
She swallows thickly as she nods, wrapping her arms around my neck. “I’m scared.”
“I know,” I reassure her, kissing her once more.
“Shelli says she’ll be okay, that they even believe she’ll still be able to have children.”
“Good. See? It’s okay. It just sucks. Did they plan this?”
She shakes her head against my cheek, her hair getting caught in my beard. “No, not that I know of. She never told me she was pregnant.”
“She didn’t tell me either. She must not have known. Plus, if she’d told Shelli, we’d have known.”
“For sure,” she agrees, and I kiss her again.
“Babe, Posey is strong as fuck. She’ll be fine.”
Her watery gaze meets mine, and it’s like a punch to the throat. “It scares the shit out of me.”
“I get it, Ally. I do.”
Her voice shakes. “I hate that I can’t just be worried for my best friend. That I automatically start thinking of when my mom lost Jamie.” It hurts. The pain in her eyes, her tears, everything, it hurts me. “There was so much blood when I found her, and it’s like I have PTSD from it.”
I was younger when Harper lost Jamie and I don’t remember it all, but Ally does. She was there when it all happened. Her mom was three days late to deliver her baby brother, and no one knows what quite happened, but she started hemorrhaging and passed out while everyone thought she was napping. To this day, it still haunts Ally because she thinks if she’d found her mom faster, she would have been able to save her brother. She had a ton of therapy when she was younger, and it helped. But once Claire kept losing baby after baby, it brought back all those fears. And now this.
“Ally, baby, I promise. It’s okay. Posey will be fine. And look at Claire. They’re living the dream now.”
She swallows hard, her whole body making the motion before she meets my gaze. “It scares me.”
“I know—”
“No, I mean it scares me to think about trying to have a baby.”
I cup her jaw, shaking my head. “No, don’t do that. Don’t let fear do that to you.”
I should probably take my own advice, but that’s neither here nor there.
“But it—”
“You’re right, it could. But I refuse to allow you to think that. It will ruin you, Ally. Please don’t.” She nods as she takes in a shaky breath. “No matter what, I got you. If it does, we’ll be fine. We’ll always be fine.”
Her eyes meet mine in surprise. “What does that mean?”
“I got you,” I say simply.
“Are you saying you want a baby with me?”
Shit. Is that what I just said? I slowly shrug, realizing the answer. “I don’t think I’d want to make one with anyone but you.”
She pulls in a shuddery sigh. “Really?”
“Yeah. My future has you in it, Ally. Like this. Us.”
She cries out, and it’s not a sound of sadness. It’s happiness, and that wrecks my heart. She presses her lips to mine, and I wrap my arms around her, holding her so close, hoping to become one with her. I have never felt like this. I almost feel new. It’s insane, because the one person for whom I’ve kept my feelings locked up is the one person I want forever with. My future is her, and I know this. So why is it hard for me to open up and just give her my heart? How can I know this, how can I feel it, yet I don’t know how to tell her how I feel? All these feelings are rushing through me. I feel them everywhere, but I can’t say the words.
Thankfully, she hasn’t said them. Though I know she loves me.
I can feel it.
All over.
When she pulls back, she cups my cheek, and her eyes are drowning in tears. She clears her throat, her eyes so bright even through the tears. “I love you, Asher Brooks.”
I never thought those words could rattle me so much.
Oh. Fuck.
She waits.
I wait.
Nothing.
“Did you hear me?” She laughs, tears spilling from her eyes, and I probably look like a deer in headlights. “I love you, Asher. I love you so much. I always have.”
I hear her, completely, and if I weren’t scared out of my mind, I would enjoy those three words—hell, all these words—but I’m just staring at her. I can’t answer. My lips stay pressed together, and slowly, I watch her face change from the happiness she’s shown all night to an expression of pure anger. She steps out of my embrace and I try to bring her back, but she strikes those hips that I love so hard.
Oh, so I can love her hips, but I can’t love her? Or do I love her?
Fucking say something, Asher!
“Thanks?”
Her eyes widen, and so do mine. Really? That’s what I say?
What the fuck is wrong with me?
She doesn’t have to say anything more; her body says it all. I know I’ve fucked up royally.
Like my sisters warned, this is about to blow up in my face.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Ally
Surely. Surely, I’m dreaming.
This whole night had to be a dream.
It was honestly too perfect. The dress, the shoes, the fuzzy coat, and the unbelievable sex. Oh, and the main part—the fucking ring! It didn’t happen; I dreamed this. All of it. Even my best friend miscarrying a baby she didn’t know about… I have to have dreamed it. Asher stands before me, fear on his face, in nothing but a pair of tight-ass boxers that hug those thighs and show off that massive cock. I can feel the heat coming off his body, see the flush running up his chest and neck.
I pinch my hips, hard. Through the thin shirt I’m wearing, my nails cut into my skin, and it hurts like hell.
This is real.
He really just said Thanks.
What. The. Fuck.
I cover my face, squeezing my brows between my thumb and forefingers. “Are you fucking serious?”
“Ally—”
“What the hell are you doing to me?” I yell, dropping my hands to look at him. “Really, Asher. What are you doing to me?”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know. I’m freaking the fuck out, and I don’t know—”
“Because, obviously, you like fucking with me. Is this a joke? Am I just a joke to you?”
He steps toward me, and I hold out my hand, stopping him. He looks like a wounded dog, his eyes pleading with me. “No, Ally. No. You’re not even close to a joke. I don’t know why this is so hard for me. I don’t. I want to say it, I do, but I want it to mean something.”