We all put our hands in, and on three, we yell, “Bullies!”
We line up in the hall in the order we’re to be announced. As I bounce back and forth, I’m always reminded of how my dad used to warm up before a game. He would say his ABC’s since his English wasn’t all that great. He said it would help him when he needed to cuss at someone in English. He always rocked left to right, and I do that now. It’s more of a bounce since I’m not on skates, but the motion is still the same. As I go through my alphabet, I rub my fingers along my shorts, and I feel this fluttering in my gut. Is it nerves? I think it might be because Asher will be out there to watch me.
Not as my best friend, but as my boyfriend.
I want to impress him. I want him to know he has the most talented and sexiest girlfriend. I want him to be proud that he gets to go home with me, even if no one else knows. A different sensation is going through my body, knowing he’ll be watching me. I used to look up into the stands and yearn for him. But now when I look, I won’t have to yearn because he’s mine.
“And now, your captain…your setter…number two…and making her senior year count, Allison Titov!”
I take in a deep breath and count to two before running out. Another thing my dad would do. It may be silly, but it’s his number and mine. His warm-up always seemed to work for him, and it may be all in my head, but it works for me too. The crowd claps for me as I slap hands with my teammates, but all I hear is him. Asher. I immediately look up into the bleachers, and between my mom and his, he’s standing, a pair of white-rimmed glasses over his patch, towering over everyone, calling my name through cupped hands.
Ally T.
He isn’t quiet with his cheers. It’s as if I’m the only one on our team going against Vandy with the way he is hollering. It concerns me a bit since we’re supposed to be keeping us low-key, but then I remember he’s always been like that. Always my biggest fan. My heart swells so big, I feel as if it will explode in my chest. Then I notice that my mom has made him a new shirt, still as my number two fan, but a part of me feels he may have moved into the number one spot.
Maybe not on his shirt, but definitely in my heart.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Ally
“Why are we looking for a dress for Shelli’s wedding when it’s months away?”
My mom looks over the top of the rack at me. “Because I need to know how much weight I have to lose to fit into the dress of my choice.”
I wrinkle my nose. “That’s insane.”
Her look is deadpan. “Not all of us have the metabolism you do. I used to—you’re welcome—but it left in my thirties. Sorry about that.” I smile as she holds up a red number that would look awesome on her. “Pretty sure this would get your dad’s engines revving.”
I gag obnoxiously, and I’m met with her laughter as she throws it over her arm. It’s been almost a week since Asher and I decided to give this a go. It’s basically been the best week of my life. Nothing has changed, he’s still silly Asher, but he bangs like a dream. I was so worried it would be different, but it isn’t. It’s easy. At least, for me, it is. I feel like sometimes he struggles with the concept of this being a real thing. I’m not saying he doesn’t want us to be real, I do think he does, but I also sense he is holding back. Or maybe I’m in my head. I don’t know. I just love him. So damn much, and I want him to love me. And I want him to want to be on the level I’m on.
I want him to put his heart in my hands and know I’ll die before breaking it.
“I heard Angie got into that program,” Mom says then, and I nod.
“Yeah. She’s pretty excited about it.”
“Lucy and Benji are not. They don’t want her to go after everything that happened.”
“I know, but she needs to. For her.”
“That’s what I told Lucy, but she wants to tie Taco up by his toes and beat him.”
“I don’t blame her,” I say as I move around the racks, looking at everything. I don’t need a new dress, but it would still be fun to dress up for Asher. “I think she’ll be fine, though. Angie is stronger than everyone realizes.”
Mom shrugs. “It hasn’t always been easy for her. It took Benji coming into her life for her to have a good father figure.”
“And because of that, she is strong,” I insist, meeting her gaze. “Angie will be fine.”
She wants to fight me, but I know it’s the mom in her. All of them want to protect their babies, but sometimes, they have to let us make our own decisions. Angie going to South Carolina will be the best thing for her. I believe that sincerely.
“Have you gotten anything back from your resumes?”
I shake my head as my stomach turns. “No, I’m going to send out the majority of them at the end of the month. I’m waiting for my recommendations from the rest of my professors and then my internship. They are dragging their asses, which really upsets me since I was the primary person who transferred all the patient files to digital.”
She scoffs. “Well, honey, if they were lazy enough to let their intern do it, that has to tell you something.”
“You’re probably right. I’m going to send another email reminder.”
I hesitate, though. The longer I wait, the longer it pushes back whatever might happen. I don’t want to think that Asher wouldn’t want to go with me, not with how great things are going with both the Bullies and the Assassins. He’s got two solid, great jobs, doing exactly what he wants, so how can I expect him to want to leave it all behind?
I know I shouldn’t count on it, but damn if I don’t want him to.
For me.
For us.
“Asher had his appointment today?”
I look up from where I am writing the email to my internship. I haven’t told my mom that Asher and I are in a relationship. I don’t know why either. She’s been the number one fan of Allsher. Yes, I made us a celebrity couple, and yes, it’s pathetic. I know she would be supportive and extremely excited, but I worry I am jumping the gun. I’m not confident in us, so I don’t want to get everyone excited when sometimes, it’s even hard for me to feel that.
“Yeah, his mom took him. He should be able to take the patch off.”
“Oh good. I’m about tired of the pirate jokes.”
I snort. “Why? They’re fun.”
“They’re annoying. He’s such a handsome man, and he did that for you. It makes me love him more. I wish you two would just get together already.”
I clear my throat as I walk around the racks, looking for no reason. “Wanna know what he told me the other day?”
She looks up from a bright-green dress that I make a face at. “Absolutely not.”
“It’s kinda funky.”
“You mean fugly?”
She snickers as she asks, “What did Asher tell you?”
I hesitate for a second, but then I say, “That he never loved Jasmine.”
Her brows come in. “He almost married her.”
“I know, and I said that, but he said he was comfortable and knew it would be easy to be with her. So, he stayed even though he never felt that over-the-top, head-over-heels feeling for her.”
She blinks. “How did that make you feel?”
I shrug. “Kind of frustrated at first. Why waste your time with someone if you don’t love them? I actually felt bad for Jasmine, but then she was cheating on him, so that feeling passed quickly. And then came sadness for Asher. I’m worried he doesn’t want to be in love.”
I wish I hadn’t let those words escape. It gives them a power I don’t want to recognize. I don’t want to think he doesn’t want to be in love, because I truly believe he does. I just think he is scared, and the insecure side of me worries I won’t be able to chase away that fear. I don’t know how, to be honest. I’ve never been in this position. I’ve never wanted someone to love me the way I want Asher to. It’s terrifying.
“I think he does want to be in love. He just wants it with one person.”
I roll my eyes. “Mom, take me out of the equation.”
She shakes her head. “I will not, and let me explain why,” she insists when I go to stop her. “I know for a fact that boy is madly in love with you—”
“Mom, how do you know that?”
“You forget, I know men. I knew your father was in love with me before I even allowed myself to think that way. Asher reminds me so much of your father. He wants that foundation. He wants to feel safe, all because he knows what his mom went through. Yes, Fallon caused a lot of that and pushed Lucas away. But Aiden remembers the pain his momma went through, and he told Asher since they’re close. I understand Asher’s way of thinking because I was like that. I didn’t want to put myself out there for someone to hurt me.”
“But, and this is a big but, if he wanted me, why wouldn’t he try? It would be so easy for us,” I say slowly, trying to hide the fact that we’re sleeping together and things are about to get complicated if I can’t stay patient. I want to, I do, and I’m already in too deep. It’s not as if I can give him up and move on. I would lose my best friend and the love of my life. I have to remind myself of that before my impatience gets the better of me.