“What do you mean?”
I run my thumb along her jaw. It’s red in spots where I held her when we were going at it. “I have had the pleasure of being your number one for years and you mine, and we know that life. No one could come close to what we have. We’ve got that down. But now, we’re treading in uncharted waters. So much can go wrong—you could hate that I moan when I eat—”
“Actually, I think it’s hot. Always have.” She smiles. “We know each other, inside and out, Ash. Now we get to know each other as lovers.”
I press my thumb into her chin. “But what if we don’t like what we find out?”
She draws her lip between her teeth. “I guess that goes back to my previous question. Am I worth the risk?”
She is. I know she is. I feel it deep in my soul, but I don’t want to lose her. If I say that, though, it’ll be too deep and she’ll be worried. I don’t want her to know that I’m struggling with this. That I’m terrified I’ll lose not only my best friend but someone I now think I might be able to have a future with?
I have no logical reason to think I’ll lose her. She has never cheated on the guys she has been with. She can get a bit hangry and doesn’t like to be woken up. She has a tendency to jump on the defensive for the smallest things. But these are all things I know. I know her likes, her dislikes, and that her family means the world to her. I know she would die for me, and I for her. All this is what every person wants when they get into a relationship with someone, so what am I scared of? Why can’t I just be happy I may have hit the jackpot when it comes to love? Because I know things like this don’t happen out of nowhere. A perfect relationship doesn’t fall in your lap.
What the hell is wrong with me?
She brings my head toward her, pressing our foreheads together. “I know it’s overwhelming and doesn’t seem real—I feel that too. But then I look into your good eye, I feel your hands on me, and Asher, you make me feel everything I’ve wanted for so long. This. I wanted this. Us.”
I swallow hard. “I like how you made sure to point out my good eye.”
She fights back a grin. “I mean, it’s a damn good eye.”
I nod, my nose moving along hers. I need to know facts. “Are we telling our parents?”
She closes her eyes, a grin tugging at her lips. “Need all the facts, huh?”
“Yes,” I admit, and she kisses my top lip.
“I don’t know. Do you want to?”
“I want to tell everybody, but then I also want to hide you away and keep you all to myself,” I confess, and her face breaks in a grin as her eyes meet mine. “I don’t want anyone ridiculing us or telling us how we feel. I don’t want people rushing into things. I think I’m already expecting that, too.”
She nods slowly. “I get that.”
“But here,” I say, gathering her up in my arms. “Here, no one can say anything. We feel what we feel, and it’s ours alone. Is that crazy?”
“No,” she says on an exhale. “So, what are we doing?”
I search her eyes, and I only want one thing. “I want to date you.”
“Date me? I thought we were together.”
I smile. “Yeah, we are, but I want to do this right.” She makes a face, and my smirk turns into a grin. “Not that this wasn’t right, because it was really right, but I want to come to your dorm and pick you up. I want to take you out, show you off, and tell you how beautiful you are. I don’t want to assume just because you gave me the milk, the cow wants to come along.”
“What in the hell?” she asks with laughter in her voice.
“A guy won’t want the milk if he can see the cow’s udders.”
“I am so utterly confused, no pun intended.”
I smile because she’s grinning so wide. She intended the pun, and I love it. “I want you to know that I feel things for you because of you, not because you gave me your milk. Even if they are freaking me out and I don’t know how to handle them.”
Her grin falls away as she pinches my chin. “I know that.”
“Well, fine. I need you to date me so I know you aren’t just in it for the dick.”
“Jesus, your ego knows no bounds.”
I flash her a devilish grin. “Hey, it was just in your mouth. We know its powers.”
Soon, the room is full of our laughter as we tangle up with each other. Her arms are wrapped around my neck as mine are around her waist. Our bodies are flush while our legs are tangled together. She runs her toes up the back of my calf and whispers, “I am in it for the dick.”
I nip at her bottom lip. “I knew it—”
“But also, for your soul.”
Oh shit. That got real, fast. Divert. Abort! “I don’t think I can ignore these feelings for you anymore.”
Not a lie but it hides exactly what I am thinking.
“You don’t have to,” she answers, tilting her head back to look at me. “I’m yours.”
That’s the second time she has said that to me, and for the second time, it’s like taking a puck to the nuts. I may have only played a little bit of peewee hockey, but I remember that feeling. I cup her jaw as she tucks her hands behind my head. Two words—I’m yours—and my heart soars. Why is my heart soaring? Doesn’t it know we gotta stay on the ground? Stay level? This is something I never saw coming, and I don’t know how to handle what I’m feeling.
And I’m unsure if I’m ready.
* * *
It’s well into the wee hours of the night when I lean over, kissing Ally’s jaw.
She’s fast asleep for good reason. We’ve been at it for hours on end, and she’s got a belly full of sushi. As do I, but my mind won’t let me sleep. I don’t understand what my issue is, and I don’t know how she isn’t freaking out like I am. She’s usually the one with crazy anxiety. Is he cheating on me? Did he steal money from me? She always worried about her relationships. I didn’t, but now, when I have the potential for the best one ever, I’m freaking out.
This is a blast.
I roll out of my bed, reaching for my shorts before grabbing her phone. Since I don’t have mine, I have to use hers to call Aiden. I probably should have called my mom, but I’m sure she knows where I am. Or that I’m with Ally. I slowly shut the door and go to the couch, dropping down onto it. I look through her contacts, finding my brother since I don’t have his number memorized. When I hit his name, he answers on the fifth ring.
“Hello?” he says all gruffly.
“Hey, whatcha doing?”
“Asher?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sleeping, you asshole, like a normal person does at three in the morning.”
“Okay, well, that’s a little dramatic. You’ve called me real early in the morning.”
“Because I was in New York and time zones are confusing.”
“Okay, so we’re even. I need to talk.”
“At three?”
“At three.”
“Ugh, what? Did your other eye fall out? Did you get into another fight with Nacho?”
I scoff. “No, but I slept with his ex, who is also my best friend and now…my girlfriend? Shit, how did this happen?”
“No fucking way. I don’t believe you.”
“Why do you think I’m calling you from her phone?”
I’m met with silence. “Holy shit, you did?”
“Yeah,” I say and almost proudly. “Dude, I don’t know why I waited so long. I could have avoided all that time with Jasmine.”
“I’m impressed. I never thought you would find the balls to do it.”
I roll my eyes. “What does that mean?”
“Means you like being in an easy, comfortable, and controllable situation, and this is not that, my brother. This is adding sex to a solid relationship that didn’t need sex. This could mean ‘Oh no, real feelings.’”
I exhale heavily. “I know. I’m terrified.”
“Jesus. I can’t stand you,” he says, exasperated. “You gave me so much shit to leave my fucking-around ways behind, yet you have never ever felt anything for anyone.”
“That’s not true. I cared for Jasmine.”
“Cared for is not love, Asher. You only wanted to marry her because she liked Star Wars and made good food. You never loved her.”
“I know,” I admit. I feel like such an ass. “I wanted to, but I didn’t. I’ve never told anyone that. I think I’m high.”
He scoffs. “You’re not. You’re just feeling things you’ve never felt.”
I let my head fall into my palms. “I know, and I’m freaking the shit out. Make it better. It’s your job.”
“Want my advice?”
“Yes. That’s the reason I’m calling.”
He pauses, sucking in a deep breath. “You need to tell Ally you’re scared because, with her, you could fall in love. You’ve probably already been in love with her, but you’ve told yourself it’s in a just-friends way. And now, it’s about to be different.”
I close my eyes. “She’s going to think I’m a fucking idiot.”
“Well, that’s a given. We all do,” he says simply. “I mean, you had everyone fooled with Jasmine but me—”