“We’ll watch TV, find some snacks, and chill.”
Sounds like the perfect evening to me. “Sounds good.”
But it isn’t good, it’s torture. For the next three hours, we eat, we watch TV, we discuss the murders on our show, and I feel like I’m falling for him even more. It’s just so effortless. The distance when he was gone was good for me; it made it easier to ignore my feelings. But now, spending time with him and seeing his grins, smelling his cologne, and being within touching distance, it’s more than hard. It’s almost agony. I wish feelings could be shut off. I wish I could just look at him and see my very close best friend who would do anything for me. Problem is, when I look at him, I see a future. I see us having a place together, getting married, adopting a few dogs, and then having kids.
But I know all he sees is his best friend.
I really fucked up by getting close to him, but in my defense, I didn’t have a choice. None of us Assassins kids did. We were stuck together, and we’re all friends. All close. While everyone knew about Shelli’s huge crush on Aiden—and teased her relentlessly—I made sure mine wasn’t ever noticeable or even a possibility. I did such a good job of hiding my real feelings that no one but my mom knows. It’s frustrating. Not with him—I’m not frustrated with Asher—I’m frustrated with myself because I have the power to change it all.
But I’m a coward.
When the last episode ends, Asher shakes his head and looks at me. “I bet when Emery is on this show, Stella will be the one who does her makeup.”
My stomach hurts, I laugh so hard. “Stop!”
“Seriously,” he says with wide eyes. “You’ll see.” He clicks off Netflix and goes to Hulu. “Wanna watch Catfish?”
“Sure.”
But unbeknownst to me, the episode he turns on is one where the girl best friend is catfishing the boy best friend. As the episode plays, I’m in knots, while Asher doesn’t even seem to care. I watch in horror but also in hope that he’ll turn to me and tell me he loves me. It’s a long shot, but a girl can dream. Soon, I’m wondering if maybe I should catfish Asher. Find out if he likes me in that way and then make my move.
But then I remember my life isn’t a reality show, and more than likely, I wouldn’t get a happily ever after. I’d get a “I lost my best friend because I’m dumb and brought him on national television to expose my love.”
“That is crazy.”
I whip my head to him. “Yeah?”
“Heck yeah. If she had just been honest and told him, she wouldn’t have needed to hide. They spent so much time apart, all because she wouldn’t tell him.”
I start to rub my temple. “Right?”
Asher looks at me, playfulness in those gray depths. “Don’t catfish me, okay?”
My eyes almost bug out of my head, and my heart stops. “Huh?”
He laughs. “I’m kidding!”
I force a laugh. “Yeah, duh.” I squeeze my eyes shut as I lean my head on the back of the couch. I can’t do this anymore. I gotta go to bed to get away from him. I could just go home, but I don’t want him to suspect anything. “I’m tired.”
“Me too,” he says, shutting off the TV and then standing. “Aiden said the sheets are new, so we’ll be good.”
I open my eyes, staring at the ceiling. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“What? Why? There is plenty of room in that bed, and this couch is not comfortable. I’ve slept on it before.” He stands over me. “Don’t be a weirdo. Come on.”
I’m not trying to be a weirdo! I’m trying to resist you, you big lug! “You don’t think that’s weird?”
His brows touch. “Huh, what?”
“Us in the same bed.”
“No. Why would it be?”
Duh, Ally. He doesn’t want to bang you, remember? I get up and follow him into the bedroom while he shuts off the lights. As I crawl into bed, he kicks off his jeans, showing off some incredibly thick, hairy thighs. His T-shirt is long so I can’t see anything, but man, I wish I could. He climbs into bed and covers up as I cling to the edge so I don’t touch him. If I do, I cannot be responsible for my actions.
I know for a fact that I’ll hump every inch of him.
I let out a sigh, and he asks, “You okay?”
“I’m tired.”
“Oh, okay,” he says as he cuddles deeper in the bed. Each movement he makes shakes the whole bed, reminding me that he is very much beside me in his boxers. This isn’t new for me; I’ve shared a bed plenty of times and even a few nights beside him, but it was always with our parents in the house or our siblings or friends. Also, my feelings weren’t firing like crazy for him back then.
Back then, I didn’t know what I wanted in a guy. Now that I know, it’s a whole different story. I squeeze my eyes shut as I bury my face in my pillow. I’m forcing myself to ignore the man beside me and go to sleep.
Right before I drift off, the soft timbre of his voice runs down my spine. “Hey, Ally T?”
I swallow past the lump in my throat as my pussy clenches. “Yeah?”
“Break up with Taco.”
“Ash—”
“Hear me out,” he says, and I snap my mouth shut. “He isn’t good for you. You need someone who worships you. Who knows your worth and wants to make you smile. Who wouldn’t have given you a chance to leave the party without them knowing. Someone who gives you their full attention because they can’t think of anything but making sure you’re good. You need a man who sees you for you, not just how hot you are.”
His words surprise me, and I know I have to see his face. I turn to my stomach and prop myself up on my forearms as I look over at him. His eyes are shut, and he looks blissful and perfect. “Why does it bother you so much?”
His eyes open slowly, his gray gaze capturing mine in the dark. “Because it does.”
“Why? Why can’t I be with Taco? Why do you care?”
His eyes search mine. “Ally, that asshole doesn’t look at you and see your worth. He looks at you for ass and nothing else. He isn’t good for you. I want nothing more than for you to be completely and utterly happy.”
“What if I am happy?”
“You’re not,” he says simply. “I know you, just as you know me. I love you, and you deserve the world.”
I swallow as I turn my face back toward the wall, and I squeeze my eyes shut once more, holding back the tears. Everything he said could be true. Is true if I really accept it, but I allow myself to stay in this cycle with Taco, and it isn’t helping me grow. I know Taco is bad for me, and I know I shouldn’t be with him. I allow myself to be with him because I don’t want to feel what I feel for Asher. I don’t want to be a prisoner to my own feelings, and if I’m with someone else, I kind of convince myself I can get over him.
But then he says something like that, and it’s like being slapped in the face with my feelings.
Because all I want, all I need, is for Asher to love me the way I love him, and then I’ll be happy.
Chapter Twelve
Asher
Elli wraps her arms around my waist and squeezes me tight.
Even in her heels, she doesn’t reach my height. Her long, flowy dress hides the heels well, but I know Elli Adler doesn’t leave the house without her ass-kicking red-bottomed heels. She’s known for them, rocks the world with them, and everyone respects her, no matter what. As she beams up at me, she cups my jaw, and her green gaze says it all: She loves me, she’s happy I’m back, and of course, the job was mine before I even showed up.
“Artie is a good guy. He’ll take good care of you,” she says, speaking of the jumbotron supervisor. He’s a cool dude, been with the Assassins as long as I’ve been alive, I think.
I nod as I wrap my arms around her shoulders. “I know. I’ve met him a few times.”
“Good. I’m very excited to have another Brooks in the organization. I’ve got my scorer, my scout, and now my jumbotron guy. I just have to think of something for Stella and Emery. Make it a family affair.”
She says it so animatedly that I grin. “Stella could do marketing all day, but there is no job for Emery, unless it’s as a hired hit woman against the opponent.”
She snorts. “Leave her be. I love that feisty girl.”
“Feisty…that’s putting it kindly.”
She beams at me. “Are you happy to be home? Adjusting?”
“I am. I missed my family and my friends. I’m moving in to Aiden’s place this weekend.”
“Good. It’s a nice condo.”
“It is,” I agree as we walk down the hall. “I haven’t seen the new house.”
“To my surprise, it’s actually modest.”
“Really?”
“Yup. It’s on the smaller side, which means one of two things. Either they won’t give me grandbabies, or we’ll have to move them again when they decide to have kids.”
I chuckle. “You want grandkids now?”
She shakes her head. “Yes and no. All my babies are grown, Quinnie will be leaving for college soon, and I’ll have no one to fuss over.”