“What’s that?” Lowell cocks his head to one side, gaze sliding down to the whiteboard tucked under my arm, and before I can jerk back, he reaches out and snatches it from me. “Hey, Derek, catch.”
He throws it over my head to Derek. I lunge for it, but Derek jumps back, holding it out of reach and laughing at my attempt.
“Oh, what do we have here?” Derek says. He snaps the marker from its holder and scribbles on the surface. When he flashes the board for me to see, I’m met with the ugly words STUPID WHORE, made even uglier by his harsh scrawl. The same scrawl I’ve seen on my locker. “I think you should wear this around your neck or something. Like, as a sign. Give us all some fair warning.”
I know I can’t force him to give it back.
I know I can’t show a reaction in front of them, because that will only egg them on.
I do the only thing I can think of. The one thing I know will piss them off the most.
I smile.
They both stare at me like I’ve been sent from some alien planet, which is how I know I’ve thrown them for a loop. It’s the smallest of victories, but still a victory, nonetheless. Derek tosses the whiteboard carelessly, sending it skittering across the sidewalk.
“Whoops,” he says, voice dripping with sarcasm.
Lowell gives one last glare and mumbles, “Fucking freak.”
He hocks some spit at me. Thankfully his aim is terrible, and the spit only makes contact with the toe of my shoe. They both laugh like it’s the most hilarious thing ever and head into the building. Assholes.
I gather the whiteboard off the pavement and rub the spit off my shoe in some snow, my body shaking from a combination of intense relief and the cold air. Angry tears build behind my eyes, but I blink them back, trying to shake the feeling off. But I can’t. This vow was supposed to be about making things less complicated, to stop myself from doing something stupid, to show everyone how much I don’t need them. It was about me deciding that if I can’t have their forgiveness or their respect, I won’t give them anything. All it’s done is made me an easy target.