Speechless(68)

                I cut her off with a shake of my head to let her know that it’s                     okay. I know she’s not trying to make me feel                     guilty. It doesn’t matter. I still do.

                “I really liked having you there. And not just for the                     transportation,” she says. She turns her head away from me, toward the window.                     “I don’t really have a lot of friends. Yeah, Sam is great—everyone I work with                     is, really—but at school, people think I’m… I don’t know. Weird, I guess. Most                     of the time I’m okay with that. But sometimes—it’s just, it’s nice, hanging out                     with you, is all.”

                I drive in silence, thinking about what she just said. I don’t                     know Asha well enough to consider her my friend, and honestly, even now, as nice                     as Asha is, it still feels bizarre to socialize with someone I never would’ve                     given a second look a few weeks ago. Like some part of me feels this is just                     temporary. I guess I had convinced myself that eventually everyone would get                     over what happened, and I’d be accepted back into the fold—but that prospect is                     looking dimmer and dimmer as time goes on. And after receiving Kristen’s                     scathing email, which makes me see red even just thinking about it, I’m not sure                     if I really want that anymore. Maybe some bridges are better left burned.

                “You should come again tomorrow,” she says. “I could help you                     with your geometry some more. If you don’t have anything better to do.”

                Andy will probably be there. I don’t know if it’s fair of me,                     to be hanging out at Rosie’s, like I’m trying to rub my presence in his face or                     something, when he’s so obviously angry at me. But then I think about Asha, how                     she really wants me around. I know it’d be better if                     I kept to myself—for both of our sakes, and Andy’s and Sam’s. But being alone                     sucks. It sounds like Asha knows that firsthand, and that’s why she’s offering                     her friendship. I don’t know if I have enough pride to turn that down, no matter                     who it’s coming from. Even with what happened with Andy, today was the best day                     I’ve had since New Year’s. It seems like that’s something I should hold on to.                     That I need to hold on to. I turn my head and nod.                     And the pleased look on Asha’s face tells me I’ve made the right decision.