No one has asked me point-blank before. Not my parents, not Kristen, not Asha. No one.
I take a deep, shaky breath. “When I was seven, I had to get my tonsils taken out,” I tell him. “I was in the hospital, totally freaked out, because I’d never had surgery before or anything. And my dad showed up with this stuffed dog. He sat next to me the whole time, holding my hand, and that stupid dog—it made me feel better. And after…what happened, with Noah, I kept remembering that. How scared I was, and how much it meant for my dad to be there, so I wasn’t alone.” I have to stop for a moment because my throat is constricting with tears. “Noah must’ve been so scared. He was by himself. He didn’t have his dad, or his mom, and I just—I couldn’t. I had to. No one should have to go through that. It’s not fair.”
Sam reaches over and brushes away the lone tear that’s trailed down my cheek with his thumb. “Yeah,” he agrees softly. “It definitely isn’t fair.”
“I was so stupid,” I say. “I never want to go back to that. I am so much happier around you guys.”
It’s the truth, and not only that, it is also so totally the right thing to say, because Sam lights up with a smile, like I not just made his day, but his life. I grab his shirt collar and kiss him, hard and long. Then I sit back and put my hand over the dangling key ring, thinking.
I’m at a crossroads. If I drive west, I’d be going toward Recollections and liquor stores and gas stations. If I drive east, I’d be going toward the nice houses, including mine. And it would take only a minute if I decided to drive to Rosie’s.
We could go anywhere.
I turn to Sam and say, “I have an idea.”
* * *
The last time I was in a hospital, it was last year when Grandpa Murphy had his heart attack and no one was sure whether or not he was going to make it. Mom let me miss two days of school to stay with her, and Dad actually called out of work the first day, which was how I knew it was serious. Mostly I hung out in the waiting room, making prank phone calls to 1-800 numbers on the payphone with my cousin Bree while Mom and Dad and Mom’s crapload of siblings were too busy talking to three different doctors and each other to notice our shenanigans. Grandpa Murphy was okay in the end, even though it was touch and go for a while.