“Wanna bet?” I snort. “Go ask Warren and Joey how that philosophy worked out for them.”
At this, Lowell’s face blanches, his scowl falling into a worried line. His eyes narrow like he’s wondering whether to take my threat seriously or not.
Behind me, the boy clears his throat nervously. “Can I go?” he asks.
“Get your snack first,” I say.
I keep my eyes locked on Lowell, unwavering, and after a moment he moves aside from the vending machine. And I know in that moment I’ve won.
The boy hesitates for a moment before hurriedly popping his quarters into the machine and grabbing his snack from the bottom. He scurries off without another word.
I shoot Lowell one last venomous look and turn to go. I walk down the hall, and I keep going, keep going until I’m all the way in my car. One of the narcs tries to flag me down as I floor it out of the student lot, but I ignore him and turn so fast onto the road my tires squeal against pavement.
* * *
I’m not good at standing up for myself. Shocking information, I know. I’ve never been good at it. I never had to be—the rare times someone decided to give me a hard time, I had Kristen, at my back, sticking up for me. I always appreciated that about her. Her fierce loyalty. I knew doing what I did, ratting out Warren and Joey, would put me on the other side of it. I knew exactly what it would cost.
I still did it anyway. And I’m glad. I really am. Because I was never happy before, and I never even realized it. I know now. You can be surrounded by people and still be lonely. You can be the most popular person in school, envied by every girl and wanted by every boy, and still feel completely worthless. The world can be laid at your feet and you can still not know what you want from it.
And I’m glad because it means I’m different from Kristen, different from Warren and Joey and Lowell and Derek and all of the rest. It means that even then, I knew right from wrong, knew what was really, truly important, knew what I could lose and still, I was willing to give it all up if it meant Noah had some justice. Even if Noah wasn’t a friend. Even if Warren and Joey were.