I don’t want to believe that.
The problem with small towns is the same thing I like about them—it’s so insular. No one’s thinking about the big picture. Derek and Lowell, they don’t care about Noah, they care about winning at basketball, because for them…what else is there? College, maybe, but we all know they’re the kind of kids who will inevitably end up back here. And they’ll be happy about it. They wouldn’t get to feel so big and important in any other place.
I want my life to be more than this. More than just this town and everything that’s happened in it. I don’t want my high school years to be the best of my life. I want to be better than this, better than the Chelsea Knot who stirs up trouble just for lack of anything more interesting to do. Andy was right—I didn’t see Noah as a person, the same way I didn’t see Tessa as a person, or anyone else I’ve helped to spread rumors about. Their feelings didn’t matter, at least not more than my need for a quick entertainment fix.
I end up at the hospital, underneath the buttery-yellow light thrown from one of the parking-lot lamps. In the daytime the building stands stately and inviting, made of warm red brick, but in the dark it just looks scary. Daunting. Like it could swallow me whole.
I take out my phone.
u busy?
Sam texts back a minute later.
Not rly. whats up?
Im at the hospital.
R u ok?
Fine. Parking lot. Can u come?
Yes. ten mins.
All I’m doing is sitting there, engine running, my heart beating fast in my throat for no reason, when Sam’s Cutlass pulls in next to my driver’s side. He gets out of his car and climbs into mine, shuts the door and turns to me.
“What happened?” he asks, worried.
I shake my head. Nothing happened. Nothing new. It’s just everything else, weighing on me.
“So no one’s hurt?” Even behind his glasses, I see the relief in his eyes, the way it relaxes his shoulders. He breathes out and rubs his face with both hands. “Jesus. I thought…” He trails off instead of finishing the sentence.