I’ve spent so much time drowning in self-pity. I’ve been acting like a total brat. Sure, I lost my friends and my status, but Noah almost lost his life. Andy almost lost his boyfriend. Sam almost lost his best friend. I wish I could go back in time and change things, but I can’t, and that knowledge will haunt me forever.
I don’t understand how Derek and Lowell can be so angry at me, acting like a damn basketball team is more important than someone else’s life. They should be angry at Warren and Joey. I am! I haven’t even fully realized it until right this second, but I’m furious. For what they did to Noah. For thinking they could get away with it. It wasn’t my business to tell them what I saw that night, but what they did with that information was their choice. It was their choice to get in that truck and chase him down. Not mine.
I’ve done a lot I’m not proud of. But that. That much I am not responsible for.
I finally meet Sam’s gaze and hold up my board so he can read what I’ve written.
More than words can say.
“Well, then,” Sam says. “That’s a start.”
day twelve
It takes only one minute to compose the email reply, but another twenty to talk myself into sending it.
Bring it.
It’s just one line, two simple words, but I still hesitate with my mouse hovering over the send button. One click and that message will go straight to Kristen’s in-box. One click and I’ll have done something I have never dared to do before: fight back against Kristen.
I’ve spent the last three days stewing over this decision. If I do this, there is no turning back. I’ll have dug myself a hole so deep I won’t ever escape it; Kristen will never forgive me, if she ever was going to at all. But I don’t want to be forgiven. I want Kristen to apologize to me—and the likelihood of that happening is nonexistent. All this time I’ve been wondering what I can do to make Kristen want to be my friend again, and now I’m thinking maybe it’s Kristen who needs to change. And more than that, maybe I need to show her that I’m not someone she can just steamroll over. I have a backbone, dammit.