Specimen(72)

“I have no idea,” Captain Mills tells her. “Most of the volunteers came from that small agricultural area that had to be shut down due to lack of production. All I know is that this is what he wanted to do.”

I glance at Riley. She watches closely for my reaction, but I don’t know what to think.

“I didn’t know,” she says quietly. “I swear to you, Ste…Galen. I had no idea where you came from. I only knew what she told me.”

I want desperately to believe her. She reaches out and grabs ahold of my left arm, and I pull back.

“Don’t do that,” I tell her. “I know what you’re doing. If you want me to believe what you’re saying, don’t try to pacify me at the same time.”

“I wasn’t trying to…” Her voice trails off. “Spat told you about the other implants.”

“I’ve got a lot of things figured out now, Riley.”

Riley starts to reach for me again but quickly pulls her hand back, clenching her fists at her sides and nods once.

I want to believe her.

Therein lies the problem. I can’t trust her because I can’t trust my own thoughts and opinions about her. I want her desperately. I want to believe that she’s known nothing of my past, but how can that be true?

I turn my focus back to the Riley in the video.

“His statistics are optimal,” Riley says. “I know we only talked briefly about how I’d like to modify the trial, but he would be an ideal candidate.”

“I still need to run all that by the colonel,” Mills says, “but if your calculations are right, it could be worth the risk.”

“He would outperform all the other specimens,” Riley says. “I guarantee it.”

“Dr. McCall has some concerns about aggression levels, considering the increased TST dosage.”

“Yes, I’ve heard her concerns. They’re unwarranted.”

“But he would be more aggressive.”

“Isn’t that the idea?” Riley tilts her head to look at Captain Mills.

“As long as he can be controlled.”

“I’ll make adjustments to the subdermal control modules as well. His touch response will be elevated.”

“That could be advantageous to you.” Mills laughs loudly, but Riley looks confused.

“I’m afraid I don’t understand, ma’am.”

Captain Mills crosses her arms and smiles at Riley.

“We’ve had several instances of doctors becoming more…intimately involved with the specimens. They’re young, virile men, and the combination of hormones and steroids we inject into them creates one hell of a sex drive.”

Riley’s eyes widen with a look of horror.

“You don’t have to worry about that,” she says quickly. “I’ll keep things strictly professional.”

Mills laughs gently and shakes her head before leaning against the gurney. She reaches out and places a hand on my still chest.

“You misunderstand,” the captain says. “I encourage the relationship.”

Riley is obviously dumbfounded. She looks down to my chest as the captain’s hand slowly caresses my skin.

“Excuse me?” Riley finally says.

“Dr. Grace,” Captain Mills says as she takes her hand away and stands up straight, “I’m saying you should consider it. Granted, the last batch of specimens didn’t work out and ultimately had to be voided, but they sure were a lot of fun when they were alive!”

She chuckles and starts to walk away.

“I’ll put seventy-two down as yours!” she calls out as she leaves the room.

Riley pauses the video, waiting for my response.

“You didn’t want that kind of relationship with me.” I turn to Riley, unsure of what to think.

“I’m a doctor,” Riley says. “Under normal circumstances, I keep a completely professional relationship with everyone I work with—colleagues, test subjects, students—anyone. I had no idea what they had in mind, not before then.”

“You still resisted.”

“It felt so wrong to me,” she says. “I’ve told you this before. I felt like I was using you. It didn’t seem…consensual.”

“You thought you were raping me?” I find the idea absurd.

“I was, in a way.” She looks to the floor and lifts her hand to smooth back her hair. “How could you give true consent, given the circumstances?”

I see the logic in what she says, but I can’t agree with her conclusion. I never thought of it that way, and I still don’t. Of all the things she’s had a hand in doing to me, this is the least of my concerns.

“I wanted it. I always wanted it, even before you allowed me. It was all I ever thought about outside of training.”