Specimen(61)

I see myself above her naked body. She smiles up at me with dark, hooded eyes. Her fingers trace my jaw as she pulls my mouth to hers.

She lied.

I remember the first time I saw her. She was wearing a surgical mask, but I remember her eyes. She smiled and told me to relax. She said everything would be all right when I woke up.

She lied, she lied, she lied.

“Shh, you’re all right.”

“She lied…”

“Can you hear me? Talk to me, Galen.”

The sound fades. I’m not even sure if it was real or just part of another dream. I’m sure I’m still a prisoner in a cell, and I can’t trust anyone around me. I need Riley, but I don’t know if I can trust her either.

I can’t even trust myself.

Sleep comes and goes.

I feel little difference between the two states now. I used to know exactly how many hours, minutes, and seconds had passed, but time has no meaning for me anymore. Sometimes I’m in a cell and there are people around me, talking. Sometimes I’m in the lab with Riley. Sometimes I find myself on a farm as a child, playing with my sister. I have no idea which one is real anymore.

“So, no response at all?”

“Not for two days now. Nothing coherent, anyway.”

“He won’t eat?”

“I’ve got him on an IV now.”

I miss the taste and texture of the liquid nutrition drinks Riley prepared for me. There wasn’t anything special about them, but she made them for me, and that was important. She drugged them to make me sleep, but that didn’t matter. She’d do anything for me.

She lied to me.

Ice flows through my veins. I can’t breathe unless I tilt my head back, and I’m so cold, I’m not sure why I bother. I should let go—let the water take me. I can’t do it, though. Something inside me won’t let me give up.

“He responds better to Anna.”

“Of course he does.”

“Why do you say that?”

“You understand why the doctors are all female, don’t you? They use sex to obfuscate any information the specimens may ingest that goes against what they’ve been told. They have to trust their doctors, or it all falls apart. What better way to control a man than with his dick?”

“Do you think I can control him?”

“Honestly? I think he’s a bigger danger to you than anyone else here.”

I see my sister. She’s home from school and laughing about a joke she’d heard during class. I’m worried, but I don’t want to alarm her, so I say nothing.

The next time I see her, she’s covered in blood.

They have her. They have my sister.

I scream. I scream over and over again until my voice is hoarse, and my throat burns. I’m being strapped down, and I thrash against the hands that restrain me.

Don’t take my memories away!

I feel heavy and warm. I’ve been injected with something again, but I don’t know what, and I don’t know by whom. The warmth is welcomed, though. I let it lull me back to sleep.

I wake to pain.

I have no way of determining the origin. There is no stopping or starting point—everything hurts. It goes on and on without end.

Whatever small fraction of my brain that is still capable of rational thought cries out for Riley. She’s the only one who can take this torment away.

With great effort, I force my eyes open. I know the face closest to me. She’s tried to care for me, but she can’t.

“Please.” I turn my hand over and move it just enough to clamp onto her arm. “Please…I need Riley.”

Anna looks at me with wide eyes.

“Galen?” she whispers.

“Please,” I say again. “Riley.”

She nods slowly, and I close my eyes again.

The pain doesn’t stop. It amplifies to incredible levels and then drops for a while but never ceases. I know there are many people gathered around me in a cramped space, but I no longer know who they are.

“We are out of options.”

“There are always options.”

“Not this time.”

“What are you saying?”

“He’s dying, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

*****

I feel myself lifted from the bed. I can’t open my eyes, but the sense of movement is unmistakable. The constant pain has dropped to a nearly bearable level, but I know the reprieve is temporary. I can feel my brain cracking apart. Pieces come loose. I wonder if they’ll fall out of my ears.

I laugh at the image.

“He’s delirious.”

“How long will it take to get there?”

“Half a day, tops.”

“What if we’re spotted?”

“We are going to have to be very careful. Just Anna and Errol on the final leg, along with the driver.”