Sound of Silence(63)

I'm a selfish bastard-a straight decedent of my father. If anything, I should have learned from his choices and steered myself in any direction but the path he took. Piper and JT may be better off without a head-case, but there is no turning back. Together we stepped out of the shadows to find light on the other side. I don't want to live in darkness anymore. 

"The truth is you're the very best part of me, Piper," I whisper in her hair, smoothing a hand down her back. "It took too long for me to understand that who we were doesn't matter anymore. The most important thing is who we are together, today and tomorrow. Not your past or mine. You once told me that so much about love is timing. I'd like for this to be our time."

She sniffles, using the corner of my shirt to wipe her nose. I'd laugh if I wasn't petrified the damage I've caused is too much to overcome. And when she lifts her head, wiping tears from her face, my heart seizes. Through red and swollen lids, she slices me open with a scathing stare.

I've ruined any chance for us.





CHAPTER FIFTEEN


Letting Go of Yesterdays





Piper



I HEARD EVERY word Caden said. They fluttered inside my chest like butterflies floating on a hot summer day. And then the rain came. Fueled by churning angry clouds, a downpour rushed from the sky and drowned any chance they had at living. Not today. Not now. Not after I needed him more than I have needed anyone, and he chose Leah over us. His past, not our future. A future I had only caught a glimpse of before the illusion disappeared after a phone call.

With one look, my mother can make grown men whimper. I lift my head from Caden's chest and mimic her lethal expression to the best of my ability. And because I was on the receiving end of her glare most of my life, I've got a good idea how he feels right this second. His shoulders tremble but then he squares them, facing my anger head on. I hate that he looks good to my lonely and terrified eyes. I hate that even after last night, I want to throw my arms around his neck and let him sooth the sting in my heart and ease the fear clawing inside of me. I hate that he wasn't here. And most of all, I hate myself for needing him after I swore I wouldn't need anyone again.

I'm so tired of losing.

"Did all your dreams come true when you slid between her thighs?" I ask, pushing against his pecs to stand and check on JT. "Was it worth it?"

His mouth falls open and damn, he does dumbfounded well. "What are you . . . God, Piper. Fuck, no. It wasn't . . . Let me ex-"

I silence Caden's dirty mouth with my glare. "I can't right now. Just, no. No talking. I'll tell you when I'm ready, and now is not the time. I'm exhausted and hungry. I've been out of mind all night and you suck, Caden Lawless, you just suck so damn bad I can't even look at you right this minute." My lower lip trembles as my eyes leak big, fat heavy tears, one from each side.

"Okay." He holds out his hands. "That was a lot. And I get it. I'll give you some time and space, but Piper, I didn't do anything but drink myself into the ground last night. That's all."

The butterflies are back. Hope sparks in my chest, but I ignore it and turn away to focus on JT. He looks so good, rosy and peaceful, with steady deep breathing. I breathe a little easier because he is.

Caden leaves and that hurts even though I sent him away. But he returns fifteen minutes later with a tray of food from the cafeteria and a bag from the gift shop. Without a word, he slips a hoodie over my head, and then he helps stuff my arms through each hole, finally tugging it into place. Warmth covers me inside and out, but I ignore it and take his coffee. An apple cinnamon muffin follows. I almost smile. Almost. Then I'd like to throw it at him.



       
         
       
        

Maisie sends her travel itinerary. She's on the red-eye tonight from JFK to Portland. It'll be midmorning tomorrow before she arrives. After sharing a JT update, I tuck myself in the chair next to the crib. Caden hovers, but not too close. Hands in his pockets, he stands to the side watching, listening, and doing. He gathers a blanket for my legs and a pillow for my back. Employees were nice before but they're overly accommodating to the beefy, tatted SEAL, and it both grinds my anger and eases it because he's doing everything I don't want to think about. He sends Cara and Tess updates hourly. He makes a special coffee and dinner run to the shop down the street, then a second trip for pajama pants and undies and travel-size everything from the store so I can shower while he stays with JT. And through all of this, he never speaks. He just watches and reacts with what I need before I know to ask for it. A chair that folds into a bed so I can sleep lying down. A sheet so I don't stick to the faux leather during the night.