Activity dies down a minute later. Caden stands with Gus under his arm and what looks like the weight of the world on his shoulders. I'm not the only one who loved Justin.
"Thank you for that," he says, pointing to my stomach. "For allowing me to talk to him."
My heart breaks a little more when his eyes glass over. "I'm sorry I maimed you with muffins."
He swallows and then chuckles, rubbing his chest. "Not the first time a lady has taken offense to my presence. But you've got the best arm by far, sunshine."
"Mind your manners and I won't have to wield my wares against you again."
"I'll do my best. Truce?" He holds out his hand, this time for me and not the baby. I take it. Engulfed by his huge grip, the same warmth I felt earlier tickles up my arm. I catch his eyes and hold them as regret rolls through my stomach.
I think of words spoken as truth-an echo of the soul. But I had no right to hurt him with my fucked up voice of reasoning. I miss Justin, but not at Caden's expense. "I'm more than sorry about what I said earlier. It was mean and wrong on so many levels."
He balks and tries to pull away, but I hold on, keeping him in place only because he lets me.
"I wish you were both here. Justin idolized you, Caden Lawless. You're the person who gave him hope and for that, I'll be forever grateful." As he nods, I whisper, "Truce," and release our connection. "It's getting late. I take it you're staying for the night?"
His smile brightens the room, and next to Gus, the two of them shine a new light on what has been a dull place. "You catch on quick. I'm not leaving." He looks around with his brow cocked. "But we've got to work on the living arrangements to make this relationship work."
I brush past him on my way to the fridge, pulling out leftovers from lunch with Cara. My stomach tightens as I stand and turn to find him staring at me. He looks a bit lost and maybe like he has the flu, although exhaustion from the drive is more likely. "I'm sure you'll find a nice place to settle into-in town or with Cara. Here." I hand over the ham sandwich. "I'll put sheets on the couch while you eat."
"Thanks."
And that's it. In a matter of minutes, the state of my life changes again. I have a roommate, at least for the night.
FIVE A.M. COMES faster than any other in recent memory. The baby and nagging thoughts keep me up most early morning hours, but I slept well. I stretch through a welcome kick and rub my hand over my bump and murmur my love for him. I can't wait to see his face. The only thing keeping me going lately is the excitement of meeting this little guy, and expanding my world to include the joy of new life in one that has been tiring and at times unforgiving.
I'm not in the mood to decipher feelings. I peel back the sheet to pee-something I do often, although surprisingly, not at all last night. Exhaustion won over my biological needs, so I roll out of bed and waddle as fast as my girth allows to the small bathroom next to my room to take care of business and make myself presentable.
I'm pleased as I look in the mirror, finding the dark rings under my eyes are less noticeable today. I shower quickly, shaving as much as I can reach, and take care of all the pesky morning rituals like brushing teeth and blow-drying.
I open the door to fresh coffee. It smells delicious, maybe more so because I didn't have to make it. This roommate thing might not be so bad after all. I'm pinning my hair in a messy bun as I walk into the living room, and then stop dead in my tracks.
Lit by a small light in the kitchen, Caden sits in an open space next to the couch with a sleeping Gus by his side. His feet are tucked up onto his thighs in a yoga pose seemingly impossible for his large frame to capture with as much elegance as he displays. He's perfectly still-eyes closed, hands resting on his knees, fingers pinched through meditation. An angry scar on his neck mars his skin, but adds to his appeal in a way hard for me to understand. He's beautiful, and guilt for thinking so works my stomach into a knot. I slide my gaze to his bare chest. The smattering of light brown hair that covers from nipple to nipple is broken by tattoos and his dog tags, waning in a trail to pajama pants that are much too low to be decent.
I shake my head to adjust my thoughts. Yesterday, Caden was the last person I'd wanted to see. Today, I'm enjoying the fuck out of the picture-perfect sight before me. And that sums it up; one decision changes lives. One act, one moment, alters the course of many. Caden's arrival on my doorstep maneuvers me onto a rocky highway, and I'm not sure of the destination, but I'm pleased to take the road trip. He's a much-needed diversion. I could use a friend, and who's a better option than the man Justin called his brother?