Leah laughs, flicking her gaze from me to the ocean. "I've had time for a shower, and this is my second coffee post four ibuprofen. You need to catch up so you can help with wedding prep."
"Where's Bear and Garrison?" I ask, twisting into a stretch.
"Willow's using them as make-up models. She's deciding if blue or purple shadow is the better summer color."
"I'd like to get a picture of that." I chuckle as it sinks in that if Willow is home, JT is too.
Leah tilts her head and gets that look, like she has X-ray vision, which allows her to see right through any pretense I put up. "Are you okay, Cade?"
"I'm fine."
She takes a long sip from her steaming mug, watching me with her intense blue eyes as she does. "Being fine is why you drank yourself stupid last night? If that's the case what does crappy look like for you?"
I glare at her. She smiles, and fuck, it's a little sad. As if I'm a lost puppy or some shit. "I've got a lot to think about, that's all."
"I'll bet you do."
"What the fuck does that mean?" I grunt and sift through the sand with my fingers.
"You're freaking out."
"What the hell?" After finding the perfect flat rock, I chuck it as hard as I can toward the shoreline. It hits and skips over the water before disappearing into a crashing wave. "Stop with your psycho-babble bullshit. How do you do that anyway? Did you go to mind reading school when we were kids or something?"
Leah's laugh is raspy and deep. "You're just easier to read than you think. And this situation isn't hard to decipher. Don't forget, I lived through it with you once so I have firsthand knowledge of your struggle."
"What are you talking about?"
"You left Cade. Less than a week after graduation you enlisted. The dilemma I see on your face today is the same one I saw every day through senior year. You held yourself back from getting closer to me, hell we barely touched the last few weeks of school, and prom was the first night I ever used a vibe. It wasn't hard to figure out that in your mind, you were already gone."
"Christ, I'm sorry."
"Don't be. We both know we weren't meant for long term commitment. We were always better friends than anything else."
Goddamn, I'm sorry for a lot of things. I grab my hair as if tugging will dispel the welling pain. Alcohol masked it but now that I'm sober, the ache is sharp. This is why some guys drink all the damn time-a need to numb the wicked edge of reality. "I fucked up, Leah. I fucked everything up with Piper. I'm such an asshole."
"You are an asshole, but a great one."
"Thanks for the consensus."
"What are friends for if not their honesty? And that was a lot of shit to come from a man who rarely comments on anything personal, so thank you. I've got one important point to make and I really want you to hear it, okay?" I turn, glancing at her painted arm. An orange wild lily, the kind that grows on the mountainside above town is prominent in the design.
"I don't know what happened in Afghanistan, but I know this is true. You would have laid down your life for Justin if it was possible. It's in your nature. It's why you ran into Shannon's house when it was on fire to rescue her cat. She loved that kitten and you couldn't stand to see her hurting-you'd rather hurt yourself than have someone you care about injured. You risked your life when we were only ten. We all know you'd do the same for Justin. No one blames you for his death."
My heartbeat is thick and heavy in my chest, like my blood is sludge, and it's working hard to push it to my brain. I can't breathe yet she pushes on, beating against my doubt one word at a time.
"You may not think of yourself as a hero, but that's what you are. The minute you enlisted, the second you took an oath to serve this country, you owned an honor greater than a label but that's all anyone can give. Nothing in the universe is bigger than laying your life on the line and you've done it for twelve years. Twelve years, Cade. For the love of God, don't be so hard on yourself. Find a piece of happiness and hold on to it. If it's staying in the Navy, then do it. If it's Piper then go after her. If it's having both, then find a way to make it work. Life is too short not to."
I'm not convinced it's that easy, but I nod and stare while my pulse slows. When I was sixteen I found her sexy as hell, and I won't deny the years have been good to her. She's a goddess and has the killer curves to prove it. But one woman consumes my thoughts. I ache for Piper. I want to crawl in bed beside her and kiss for hours. Just my lips against hers-my tongue and her mouth-kissing until we can't think straight for how much we want.