Sound of Silence(55)

Honestly? I don't know. But with Cara's wedding two days away, she doesn't need to get involved in my drama. "Fine. Really, I'm fine. Get a few beefy, drunk guys in a room and there's bound to be a scuffle. I'd just like to get JT and sleep until noon tomorrow. Think he'll go for that?"

Speculation clouds her eyes, but she refrains from further discussion. "Call me in the morning?"

"I will. And hey, no front seat barfing in the car on the ride home. Try to hit the toilet later, okay?"

She winks. "Dax bought me a bull's-eye."

I wave and back out of the pub, knocking into a chair and jarring a wide eyed patron. "Sorry," I mumble and sigh when I finally hit the parking lot. It's not empty. Bear has Garrison leaning against a truck on the opposite side from where my white Audi sits. Leah is there too, with the last plumes of a violet and blue sunset over her shoulders. She crosses her arms, watching me. Caden waits just outside the door, but I don't look at him.

"Hey." The rough grate of his voice is low.

"You should talk to Stan about the table."

"I should talk to you about a lot of things."

I shake my head. "Not interested in the chat, Cade."

"Piper," he breathes.

"Don't Piper me right now. This was a bad idea, and we both know it."

He steps forward, held back only by my hand when it shoots up. His chest is hot and hard beneath my fingers, and the electric buzz along my skin contradicts my thoughts.

Grabbing the back of his neck, he looks at the barrier I've erected between us. "Riley's was a bad idea? The night out? The whiskey? What are you talking about?"

Two, four, six . . . I want to land a high kick just for the sheer ignorance of his question. "We'll talk about it tomorrow, when you're sober and I'm not mad. Go be with your girl Friday."

He startles, his brow tugging down. "That's not what I want."

The rebuilt pieces of my heart strain against this truth. "I think it is. The old, the familiar, what you know, who you know-they're reassuring. Don't you remember, Caden? The night at the cemetery, you were clear. I didn't understand it until seeing you with the comfort of your past. You like me because I connect you to Justin. Me and JT do that for you."

He shakes his head, but I keep going. "I don't blame you for it. I blame myself for not understanding that your needs are not the same as my own. Nothing is meant to be between us. I got wrapped up in what you were offering and having the full, functioning family I lost months ago. This, whatever this is-it's not healthy for you or me."

His eyes burn into mine. "Sunshine, you don't mean that."

"Then tell me a different truth," I beg. "Why was I Justin's in there, and when it's just us I can belong to you? Am I a big secret?"

"I'm not hiding from anyone. I'm not . . ." That's a lie. Sometimes it's easier to lie because lies feel good and the truth hurts. This truth is fucking painful.

"I know you love him. I do too. But I was ready to be yours, not a substitute best friend with benefits."

A tremor bursts across his shoulders, and he grabs his hair. Bending over at the waist, he groans. I fight the urge to go to him, to say I'm sorry and I didn't mean it, and that we're good together, because we were, we are, but then he stands and his eyes cool to an icy blue. With a nod, he slams a hand into his jeans pocket. "You're right, Piper. I'm sorry I burdened you with my feelings."



       
         
       
        

"That isn't . . . Let's talk in the morning, okay? Maybe I don't know what I'm saying. Everything is so messy right now."

"Whatever you want," he says. And for one heartbeat, pain burns through the hard veneer sculpting his features, pain and sorrow, like a man who knows too much and can't wade through his mucky memories. He drowns under the burden.

"Caden," I whisper and reach for him.

He stares at my hand for one beat and then another. Lifting his eyes to mine, his lips part, but he remains silent, letting the rush of the distant high tide fill the space between us.

"Caden," I say again, but he shakes his head as if a decision was made. A heartbreaking choice that takes him away from me and drags him to the past he once knew and loved. I choke on a plea, stay. Be with me, be with JT-don't turn your back on us. But as the thought races through my head, he pivots toward the lot and heads toward Leah, Bear, and Garrison. After a short conversation, the four of them take off in a car, leaving me alone in a town that hasn't felt hopeless until this minute.