Sound of Silence(32)

I had little free choice in my parents' home, something I've fought for as an adult. Caden's habit of bulldozing into what he wants isn't going to change that. I'd like to have a say in where we're going together. "I'm having a hard time understanding us today."

His brow falls over narrowing eyes. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he moves to lean against the counter. "How's that?" 

I tuck a fallen piece of hair behind my ear and then cross my arms against my chest. "Impure thoughts for one."

A smile bursts on his lips. "Just today or every day?"

I shrug. "It's like I fell asleep last night with one of my best friends on the couch and less than twenty-four hours later our relationship just sprinted toward some kind of finish line. I'm not sure where I stand. Did you buy a house?"

He kicks away and in a slow walk comes to a stop in front of me, a mile wide and as tall as a mountain. I look into the turquoise waters of his irises waiting for clarity. "I built a house," he says in that voice that normally smoothes out my nerves, but today it ruffles them up into a ball of anxiety.

"For you?"

"Us." He emphasizes the one word with such ease it's as if I should just accept it and pack my bags.

I close my eyes so I don't have to stare into his, but he breaks down my barrier by finding my hands and holding them in front of his thighs. It's really unfair when he does this. The simple gesture is an invitation to lay my forehead on his chest and I do, I drop it down on his hard stretch of muscles. His skin is warm and he smells good, the sweet scent of man and earth, cypress and pepper, as if he's lived outdoors and taken in all of its best parts. But once again, clarity reigns, and I have to know.

"Why?"

"Because I can't stand you and JT living in that dump. Justin would have hated it and so do I. Not when I have the means to. . ."

"Fix it."

"Yeah."

I swallow the instant anger bristling up my esophagus. In a second, the line retreats and we're solidly back in the friend zone as my heart blocks his advances. He doesn't get it, and I'm quite certain he never will if the puzzle is not a clear picture after all the information I've shoved his way.

Every move I made growing up, my judgment and choices-everything was scrutinized, questioned, and determined as not good enough. Not only was I an obligation, I was a difficult one with poor taste, so my parents retracted my options. I was told what to wear, how to speak, where I would go to school, and my rebellion was to control what I could-my hair, my piercings, my body and who I gave it to. And for a while I didn't care who that was. A guy from the bar one month and a boy from class the next. At least it was my choice. But this thing with Caden is a slap in the face. What felt like growing attraction is more about his relentless responsibility and easy proximity.

"I'm sure you'll be very happy here. It's a beautiful place," I say, stepping back and releasing the hold he has on me.

He tilts his head as if contemplating his next move, but I know where it'll be. Into the palatial cottage-not-cottage he built in the woods.

"Why are you acting like this?" he asks.

I straighten my shoulders but there's very little room to grow. My back is rigid with the need to flee. The thumb I'm under is uncomfortable and that he put me here is even more absurd. "I appreciate your invitation to move in, but JT and I have a place. I'm sorry you've found the dump uncomfortable."

"That's not what I said."

"It is. But you know what-it's my dump, it's the dump I provide for my child, and it's more of a home than I ever had."

Gus whimpers, and it sounds like a struggle due to his ravaged vocal cords. He weaves between our legs, looking up with his soulful dark gaze, nudging at my leg and then Caden's.

"Why are we even talking about this? I've worked my ass off every day for the last two months to get you someplace better than that. This is better, Piper." He looks around, hands out, stupefied I'm not drowning in agreement.



       
         
       
        

If I had a muffin I would belt him, the stupid ass. Instead, I close my eyes and pray for peace. I think I hear Justin say cut him some slack, he's a dude. A dude-as if that's an excuse to be an idiot. "You know what? We're not talking about this. Give me my keys."

"What? No." He grips his hair, expelling a heavy breath in a move as frustrated as I feel.

"I appreciate all your help, Caden. Honestly. I would be a tired mess right now without it, but my acceptance of you in my life does not give you the right to move me into your house because you like it better than mine. I didn't ask for a roomie-you just came over and stayed. I'm super happy you busted your ass building this place for yourself. It's awesome. I'll come to your housewarming party, but JT and I will be in the dump on the other side of town. Now if you'll excuse me, I have laundry to hang because my dump didn't come with a working dryer! Or did you fix that too?"