"What the fuck was that?"
"That was me, disposing of the body you so carelessly brought into our home," Lucien hissed. "The last thing you need to do is become a liability to the coven."
"Lucien, stop." Sabaan grabbed his arm and tried pulling him away. "You don't mean that."
"Don't tell me what I mean, Sabaan." He jerked out of Sabaan's grasp and closed the distance between us. "Do not think that just because I put you in this position that I won't knock you right back out of it."
"I couldn't give a shit about my position."
"Oh, really?" He cocked his head, smirking. "Do you really think your actions would be tolerated if you weren't my&"
He broke off as if he couldn't even say the words. "Your lover? Why is that so hard for you to say all of a sudden?"
"Perhaps because it might give one the impression that there was still a hint of love in that equation."
"Are you saying that you're not&that you don't love me anymore?"
"I don't know what I'm saying."
He sighed and turned away from me, walking across the room. It was only then that I realized we were alone. Everyone else must have slipped out when they realized this wasn't going to be a cut and dried argument.
"Part of you does," I said quietly. "If part of you didn't feel that way, you never would have said it."
Lucien turned to face me and there were tears in his eyes. "Why did you move out?"
Of course he had to ask me the one question that I couldn't answer with complete honesty.
"I thought a little space might do us some good."
"I see." He shoved his hands in his pants pockets and sighed. "And how long do you think this space and time away from each other needs to be?"
"I don't know. Until we figure out why we're so fucked up?"
"I had no idea we were so fucked up."
"We're locked in this downward spiral, and all we seem to be doing is pushing each other farther and farther away. You're keeping things from me."
"And you from me."
I gave a slight nod. "So we're keeping things from each other. Why? Why are we doing that when we promised there'd be no more secrets? When we swore that no matter what it was we were going through, we'd work through it together?"
"It's not that I'm keeping things from you." Lucien sighed and turned his back to me. "I just& There are things I'm not ready to share right now. It's not that I never will, but I can't do it right now."
"I guess that makes two of us."
I stared at his broad back for a long while, trying to think of something else to say. Trying to figure out if there was some other way around all of this shit that we were going through. But I had no answers. All I wanted to do was wipe the slate clean and start all over.
I couldn't lose him.
Wiping the slate clean without fixing our problems would just lead us right back to where we were standing now. I walked across the room and stood behind him, wanting to take him in my arms and forget about everything else.
His posture was so defensive; back all straight, his hands making fists in his pockets. I reached for him but stopped mid-air, wondering if my touch would even be accepted. Finally, I said to hell with it and placed my hand on his arm, giving a gentle squeeze. He shook his head, but didn't pull away, and for that I was grateful.
After a few tense moments, he leaned back against me. I took that as an invitation and wrapped my arms around him, buried my face into his neck, and hugged him tight. One of his hands came up and pressed my head closer to him, his fingers tightening into a fist through my hair.
"I do love you, Lucien."
"I know." He swallowed hard. "And maybe that's what makes all of this so difficult.knowing the love is there, but&"
"Unable to find our way around everything else."
"Oh, Peter," he whispered and turned to face me, capturing my face between his hands. "I just need time."
"I don't want to lose you."
He kissed me, softly, gently, holding me against him like I was a precious thing. When he pulled away, he smoothed my hair and smiled a sad smile. "I have to go."
I reached for him as he walked away. "Lucien, wait."
"I have work to do."
And then he was gone, out the door before I could say another word. The room was silent and still and the scent of Ricky's ashen remains hung heavily in the once-sterile environment. The ache in my chest grew with each passing moment, and soon it was an all-encompassing emptiness. I dropped to my knees and cried, wishing there were words I could take back, actions I could undo.anything to not have ended up here.