Xairn shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it does,” she insisted. “You’ll hate me for it when you’re being punished. And then you’ll never want to come see me again.”
“That’s not true.” Not knowing why he did it, Xairn stooped and placed a hand awkwardly over hers. “I take responsibility for my own actions,” he said softly. “I wanted to stay with you and so I stayed. I don’t hate you.”
She looked up at him with uncertainty and fear in her eyes and suddenly he saw how he must look to her. He was huge, hulking—monstrous. His shoulders were fully twice as broad as hers and his skin, which had seemed normal to him until now, was rough and discolored next to her smooth, creamy brown. And his eyes…his eyes were the worst of all. He had studied some Earth mythology and he knew what they must look like to her. A demon—isn’t that the word? She must think I have a demon’s eyes.
“You’re not a demon,” she said softly and he realized he must have spoken the words aloud. “I don’t think that about you, Xairn.”
The momentary lapse startled and troubled him. “That’s because you don’t know me,” he said roughly. He stood abruptly. “I must go.”
“Will…will you come back?” She looked up at him, hope shining in her amber eyes. “Please, you’re the only one I have to talk to. Please don’t leave me alone again with those…those things.”
“They are Scourge, the same as me,” he said, frowning. “They’re simply grown in the artificial wombs we call vats.”
“No.” Lauren shook her head. “They’re not the same as you. They’re nothing like you. I can see it in their eyes—they’re empty inside. Soulless.”
“So am I.”
“No,” Lauren said again, more softly this time. “You’re not soulless, Xairn. You’re just locked up tight inside. So tight even you don’t know how to find the key.”
“I have no time for your Earth metaphors,” he said harshly. “I must go.”
“Go on, then.” She looked at him appealingly. “But please…please come back.”
“I make no promises,” he said. The disappointment in her eyes made him add, “But I will try.”
“Thank you,” she said simply. “I’ll look forward to our next conversation. Maybe…maybe you can tell me something about your life.”
“I could.” Xairn laughed humorlessly. “But I doubt you’d wish to hear it. I have no pretty little stories of when I was young, Lauren. The only tales I could tell you—” He broke off, shaking his head.
“What?” she urged softly.
“Nothing.” He turned for the door. “I’ll come back again if I’m able.”
“I’ll look forward to it.”
And though he knew she was only acting out of self preservation, he could have sworn that she actually meant it.
Chapter Twenty
“Tell me again what we have to do,” Kat said, wishing she felt a little less weak and nervous. She’d spent the night cuddled between Lock and Deep, in a nice, nonsexual way. The contact should have boosted her energy, but somehow she still felt off her game. At least the headache hadn’t come back, though—she didn’t think she could stand to go through what they were about to do with that rusty iron spike in her brain.
They had spent the day being feasted and stared at by the natives. Then, as evening drew near, all of them had bathed separately in the sacred golden waters of the holy stream in preparation for the night. Kat had been avoiding the thought of the coming ceremony, but she couldn’t help thinking of it now as she arranged the ceremonial outfit she’d been given to wear.
Her native haute couture appeared to be made mostly of leaves and flowers and was tied on by vines. It made her feel like Jane from the old Tarzan movies and not in a good way. She was nervous because she didn’t have on anything under it. So any strong breeze was likely to equal a wardrobe malfunction of epic proportions.
Deep and Lock had on leafy loincloth things too, but on them the leaf look was somehow hot. Their broad, sculpted chests and long, muscular legs seemed made to be exposed. They looked like Greek gods that had come to life right down to the strategically placed fig leaves. Of course, pretty soon she was going to be looking under those fig leaves. Don’t kid yourself, Kat—you’re going to be dong more than looking, whispered a little voice in her head. Kat tried to push it away but it wouldn’t go. She couldn’t quite believe what she was about to do, but it seemed to be their only way out, so she had no choice.