The officer pointed to a spot in front of me. "Go ahead and walk in a straight line for me."
21
Lake
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.
If I let out even a peep, the officer would find me in the back of the truck, take us back to camp, tell Gary and my dad, maybe even arrest Manning-and it'd all be my fault. I'd made Manning bring me along, go for a ride, get in the water.
My heartbeat filled my ears. I didn't know what was happening. Couldn't see anything, contorted in the small, dark space. The last I'd heard, Manning had asked why the cop wanted him out of the car.
Maybe everyone was right, and I was just a kid who didn't consider consequences. I always did the right thing, but tonight? Tonight, I'd sat on the edge of my bed, playing our night at the pool in my head. The good parts, like Manning opening up about his sister and then telling me the story of Altair and Vega. And then what I should've done differently when I'd stupidly tried to kiss him. I hadn't touched him, hadn't gotten physical enough. Tiffany did that, and I needed to also.
Tonight had been my last chance with Manning.
My last chance to touch him, to make him see me as something more than a girl.
To make him forget Tiffany.
And now we were here, about to get busted, because of me.
Minutes passed like hours. I strained to hear beyond the murmur of voices. I sat bent and twisted so long, my legs tingled. I recognized the bass of Manning's voice, the only thing that made my heart calm just a little. He wouldn't let the man find me. He wouldn't leave me here.
Finally, they got close enough to the window that I could hear. "Only if it won't inconvenience you," Manning said, opening the door.
"It's no trouble," the officer said. "If it doesn't work, I've got a pal I can wake up to take a look. Or I'll drive you back up to camp if you like, and you can handle it in the morning."
Unbidden tears filled my eyes. He wouldn't leave me. But what if he had to? What would I do-sleep here in the truck in wet clothes? Already I was doing everything in my power not to shiver.
"Let me just . . ." Manning leaned into the truck, and there was a loud, clunky pop out front. "There we go."
He glanced at me over the divider. I nodded to let him know I was okay, even though I was holding my sobs at bay. He left for a few more minutes, came back, and turned the key in the ignition. The truck tried to start and after a second, shuddered and came to life.
I'd never been so relieved in my life. My limbs went limp.
"Thank fuck," Manning said under his breath.
"Well, look at that," the officer said. "Your lucky night."
"Yes, sir."
They were both silent a few seconds. I could only see Manning's head turned away from me. I wanted to scream just to break the tension or look over the edge to see what was happening.
Finally, Manning pulled the door shut. "Thanks for your help," he said through the window.
"Hey, good luck with training. You get sick of the beach, consider Big Bear. We could always use good guys."
"Will do. Thanks again, sir." Manning stared into the rearview mirror. I was too afraid to speak, much less move. After a minute, he waved out the window and began to drive. We were a couple minutes up the road before either of us spoke.
With his one hand on the top of the wheel, he turned onto the unpaved road. I knew because I could barely sit still, the way it bumped and wobbled over potholes and rocks. "You all right?" he asked without looking back.
"Yes." My voice sounded foreign. "Is everything okay?"
He squinted out the windshield. I knew it wasn't okay, not really. I'd gone too far. Manning had been good to me the last five weeks. Protected me. Taught me. Confided in me. And I'd repaid him by almost getting him arrested.
"I'm sorry," I said.
I expected him to scold me, but instead he just said, "Me, too."
"You have nothing to be sorry for."
"I'm just glad we're okay." He stopped the truck, turned out the headlights, and looked back at me. "Nobody can know about tonight. Ever."
"I know that. I've told you a million times, I'm not a little girl. And we didn't even do anything, even though it was our last chance. I can't say goodbye to you tomorrow. I won't."
He pinched the bridge of his nose and inhaled. "Listen to me, Lake. You have your whole life ahead of you. You're going to one of the top schools in the country. You've worked hard to get where you are."
"But-"
"And so have your parents and sister."
I closed my mouth.
"Think of all they've done for you. They want nothing more than to see you succeed, and I feel the same."
"I want that, too, Manning. I can do all that. I can do none of it. It wouldn't matter. I'd still-"
"You're a smart girl, and I need you to understand."
I did to a point. Having sex with Manning could change things for both of us. If my dad found out, if he even knew I'd snuck off with Manning tonight, he'd never look at me the same. He'd see me like Tiffany. If Tiffany found out, she'd be embarrassed. And the reality was, Manning could've gotten into trouble tonight because of what I'd done. I was a minor. He wasn't. He'd be punished as an adult. He didn't have family on his side-in fact, maybe Tiffany and I were all he had right now. He would've lost that, and his job, too.
"I understand," I said. "I understand why we can't be together right now, but I can wait." I hadn't planned to say that or anything like it, but I'd been holding everything in too long. I'd watched Manning go off with my sister more than once. I'd fought to keep my hand from wandering over to his while he'd told me this was our story. I'd almost had him tonight, and I'd blown it. "Wait for me, too," I said.
"Don't ask that of me."
"No matter what happens, where you go, where I go, it won't change the fact-I'll be eighteen in two years."
"But you'll change in two years, Lake. So will I."
"My feelings won't."
"Get out of the car, Lake. I can't park until you do, and we've been sitting here too long." Manning leaned over and opened the passenger door. "Go straight to your cabin."
It was the last thing I wanted to hear, but he was right. I stood as best I could. My legs had fallen asleep. As I got myself over the seat, I became uncomfortably aware that I was wet, sticky, and tired. He waited as I crawled out of the car, grabbed my flip-flops, and eased the door shut. "Goodnight."
He kept his eyes forward. The window was still down, so as I walked away, I only just heard him respond, "'Night, Lake."
With my bra stuffed in my back pocket, I carried my shoes so I wouldn't make any noise. I passed Tiffany's cabin on the way to mine. For a moment, I was tempted to climb into her sleeping bag instead and hold onto her. I'd never felt so grown up and so childish. Tiffany would've understood, would've told me what to do . . . if only it hadn't been her boyfriend I'd been sneaking around with.
It'd all happened so fast, like a dream. We probably hadn't been gone more than two hours. I touched my cheek, where I could still feel the scrape of his stubble. My heart skipped as I remembered stripping off my clothes by the lake, knowing he was watching. And his enormous hands, in my hair, in my shorts. They could take over whole parts of me-the entire back of my head, half my thigh. By the time I reached my cabin, my heart was pounding but no longer out of fear.
Quietly, I set my sandals down and dug into my duffel bag for my pajamas. I changed limb by limb without making any noise. When I opened my sleeping bag, the zipper hissed.
"Lake?" Hannah asked. "That you?"
"I just went to the bathroom," I whispered. "Don't wake the girls."
She inhaled and turned over, toward the wall. Me, I stared at the top bunk for at least another hour, playing the night over and over in my head.
Manning's restrained but curious fingers, inching closer up my shorts.
His mouth so close I could almost convince myself we'd kissed.
I already felt myself changing. Inside the sleeping bag, I touched my outer thigh. My stomach. My breasts. I was more aware of my body than I'd ever been. Flannel was smooth over the top of my hand. The polyester sleeping bag crinkled. My heart beat steadily in my chest, but if I held still, I felt my pulse all over.
Was it wrong, what we hadn't even done? Manning would've said so, even if he didn't think it. He couldn't tell me we'd be together one day, but he had to know the truth.