"Really? Where?"
"My dad wants me to go somewhere in California, like Stanford, but I've always wanted to move east."
I stopped to gape at him. "You're kidding. You're such a California guy."
He laughed. "I know. It's weird. But I love that the East Coast has history and that the city's like the center of the world. I want to do big things, Lake. Be someone. That's what New York's about."
"What about surfing? Skating? All that stuff?"
"You can surf in New York. There's this place called Montauk. It's bad-ass, or so I've heard. Haven't been yet."
We started walking again, his knuckles brushing mine. "What about you? I know you're a year under me, but have you started thinking about college?"
"I'm going to USC."
He chuckled. "Just like that, huh?"
Just like that. Easy. Wasn't it? I hadn't really considered there might be other options. It'd only ever been 'SC. "Would you stay in California if your dad asked?"
"Only if I wanted to."
The east coast seemed so far away. Going to school there would be like moving to a new country. If I was honest, even Stanford in Northern California intimidated me. "My dad went to USC. We've been working on stuff for my college apps since middle school." We hadn't even discussed it. Dad and I had just started planning at some point.
"That's cool," he said. "I mean, it's a great school. They've got a baseball team, too."
I looked at the ground, unsure of how to respond to that. For a few silent seconds, the only sound was our feet crunching on the forest floor and the chirp of crickets. I smelled the cigarette smoke first. It made its way through me instantly, leaving me warm and cozy, because it usually meant I was close to Manning. With as strongly as I associated him with it, it still surprised me that he'd never actually smoked in front of me.
"I hear voices," Corbin said. "Who's smoking?"
"Who do you think?"
"Your sister?"
I nodded and called, "Tiff?"
"We're over here," she said.
Corbin and I cut through the trees until two shadowy figures came into sight.
"What're you doing out here, Lake?" Manning asked. "I told you to-" He stopped, and the four of us stood in silence a moment.
"Told her to what?" Tiffany asked.
"To stay where she was."
It was so quiet, I could hear Tiffany shift in her platforms. "Why?"
I was following his rules. He couldn't protest. And if he did, how would it look to Tiffany and Corbin? "He doesn't think it's safe to walk around in the dark alone," I said. "But, as you can see, I'm not alone. So, goodnight."
I felt his eyes on me. He wanted to say more. Now he knew how I felt, always having to keep things inside.
Finally, Manning took a drag of his cigarette and after a few seconds, he stepped back. "'Night."
What had I expected him to do? Ditch Tiffany to walk me back himself? He couldn't, but that didn't make me feel any better. It just frustrated me more.
"He's an intense dude," Corbin said as we walked away.
I couldn't answer, not without snapping at Corbin, who had nothing to do with this.
"You want to go check out the lake?" Corbin said. "It's a little bit of a walk, but it's amazing at night."
"No, thanks. I have to be up early."
"We both do." Corbin didn't speak again until we reached my cabin. He shoved his hands in his hoodie and backed away. "Later."
"Are you mad?"
He stopped. "I don't know, Lake. I've asked you out a couple times, and-"
"That was you asking me out?"
The corner of his mouth lifted. "Well. It was no big gesture, I admit, but you don't have to be mean about it."
Corbin had been nothing but gentlemanly tonight. Since I'd met him, actually. And he was right, I'd sort of blown him off both times. Me, blowing off a Swenson. It was so insane, I almost laughed. "I'm sorry," I said. "I'm not really . . . I don't date."
"Never?"
I shook my head. "For one, my dad says I'm too young."
"He's a real hard-ass, isn't he?"
"Kind of."
"And the second reason?"
"What?"
"You said for one. What's two?"
"Oh." I didn't have a second reason I could vocalize. There was crushing on a boy like him, and there was whatever I felt for Manning. They didn't compare in my eyes. "It's just an expression."
Corbin raised the zipper on his hoodie. The temperature had dropped once the sun disappeared. He nodded behind him. "It doesn't have anything to do with that guy, does it?"
"Who? Manning?" Despite the chill, my scalp warmed. "No. Why?"
"No reason. Will you come to the baseball game tomorrow? Cheer me on?"
I'd pretty much been a jerk, turning him down, but he still wanted to see me. Corbin was sweet, fine, and by some odd turn of events, he might like me. I should just say yes. It was so much easier than this back-and-forth rollercoaster with Manning that left my stomach in knots. With Corbin, there were no knots. There wasn't anything, really. Maybe that wasn't a bad thing.
I nodded. "I'll come."
"Cool. See you in the morning."
"Corbin?" I said as he turned. "Thanks for walking me back."
He smiled. "Anytime."
15
Lake
For morning Reflection, everyone gathered on the wooden bleachers to face the rising sun. Birds chirped, blue sky peeked through the treetops. While Gary spoke softly about positive intentions and what the day would bring, nine pairs of feet plus Tiffany's trudged in. At seven-ten, they were the final cabin to arrive, which meant Tiffany would spend her morning cleaning up half-eaten food and used napkins. I couldn't muster any sympathy. She knew the rules.
"Each morning, we'll sing a special song to begin the day," Gary said. "I discovered it earlier this year and thought-that song has a great message. You might've heard it on the radio. ‘Shine' by Collective Soul is about the quest for guidance and acceptance. It has religious undertones, but you can sing it however it makes sense to you. But first, I want each cabin to come together and decide what they're grateful for on this beautiful morning. The counselors will share it with the group."
We huddled with the girls, who looked as energized and excited as they had getting on the bus the morning before.
"What are we grateful for?" Hannah asked.
"That we don't have to clean up our mess today," Bettina said.
"You're grateful for Bobby Newman," one of the girls teased.
Hannah and I looked at each other. "Let's try for something a little deeper," I said. "Any ideas, Hannah?"
"How about if we're grateful for each other?" Hannah asked. "Friendship."
"Three Musketeers," Katie added. "It's my favorite candy."
"Friendship it is," Hannah said.
Gary called everyone's attention back to the front. "Friendship" came up three times before Manning's turn. "We're grateful for a lot of things," he said, scanning the faces of the boys in his cabin. "But today, we'd like to say our thanks for the release of Mortal Kombat II last month. As a cabin, we agree that this is one of the best things to happen this year so far."
Everyone stayed silent until Gary burst into laughter. "All right. That's a new one. Videogames. I like it. Who wants to go next? Cabin four?"
I glanced at the girls and then at Hannah, who nodded and mouthed, Candy.
I sighed. "Cabin four is grateful for . . . Three Musketeers bars." The girls cheered. "And," I added when they'd calmed down, "having someone to share them with."
Gary clapped. "Good one, cabin four."
As it turned out, despite a morning of good intentions, large breakfasts, and lots of laughter, everything came crashing down when I checked our schedule for the day. Right off the bat, we were headed for danger-horseback riding. It wasn't even my fear that bothered me. It was that I'd miss out on sharing it with the girls.
As a group, we walked from the dining hall through dirt and dead grass toward the stables. "Look, there's Bobby Newman," Katie squealed, pointing. I spotted a couple more boys from Manning's cabin. Then his co-counselor Kirk. Like a trail of breadcrumbs, my eyes followed until they landed on Manning as he helped a camper up onto a saddle.
"We're paired with them today?" I asked Hannah.
"Looks like it."
Now, hanging back at the stable was even worse. I'd not only be missing out on quality time with the girls, but with Manning as well.