"That means a lot to me," he said. "I'd rather you worry about yourself, though. And I'll worry about you, too." He took his hand back, and some of my hair went with it, falling over my face. He started to fix it but stopped himself. "Don't worry about your stuff. I'll get it on the bus."
I watched him return to Gary's side. He had no reason to worry about me. To keep me safe or happy. I didn't owe him that either, but I'd do my best to give it to him.
Hannah and I sat together on the way to Big Bear. I tried to listen to the conversation happening between Manning and Tiffany across the aisle, but Tiffany, turned inward toward Manning, did most of the talking and anyway, Hannah had other ideas.
"Should we talk about how we're going to do this?" Hannah asked.
"It's kind of hard to plan for." I leaned a little more into the aisle. Tiffany was listing her favorite music videos while Manning stared straight ahead. "Once we get there," I said, "it'll fall into place."
"But it's my first year," Hannah said. "I don't want to screw it up."
She'd soon discover the resilience of kids-and counselors. "You'll do fine."
"I graduated with your sister, you know," she said. "She doesn't know me."
I looked over at her. "She's self-involved."
Hannah laughed. "She can probably hear you."
"Probably. But she won't." We exchanged a mischievous smile.
"Is that her boyfriend?" Hannah asked. "He's so fine."
"No." I sounded defensive so I added, "I'm not really sure. Maybe for the moment."
Tiffany stood and looked around the bus before her eyes lasered in on something behind us. "There are two kids with seats to themselves. Shouldn't counselors get that?"
"I don't think they planned it that way," I said.
"I'm exhausted. I need to sleep before we get there." She went down the aisle to a boy with headphones on. "Hey." She pointed to the other lone camper. "Go sit with that kid so I can have this seat."
The boy, eleven or so, didn't argue. He would've argued with me, but Tiffany had boobs and some kind of power over the male species. Apparently, no age group was immune.
"Wake me when we get there," she said to Manning, who remained facing forward through the whole thing. "Manning. Did you hear me?"
"I heard you." He winked at Hannah and me. "I'll do my best, but no promises."
We giggled. Tiffany must've gone to sleep, because she didn't speak again.
"So about our cabin," Hannah said. "I think we should be firm with them. Yes, we're here to have fun, but we're authority figures first, friends second."
I watched Manning as he looked out the window. Most riders who weren't talking to their seatmates had headphones on or played handheld videogames. "Sure," I murmured.
"I brought some stuff I think the girls'll love, like makeup and CDs."
I expected a week of rough-and-tumble sports and exploring, but I knew they'd love girl time as well. "We can sneak a boom box from the rec room," I said.
"And the campfire skits," Hannah said. "We have to come up with some ideas. Should we do that now?"
"Better to brainstorm with the girls," I said absentmindedly and stood. I had no idea what I wanted to do or say. With a sideways glance at Hannah, I said, "I'll be right back."
I crossed the aisle to Manning. It took him a moment to turn and look at me, but when he did, he gestured for me to sit. "Hey, Birdy."
Birdy. I wished I hadn't been so self-conscious about bringing a stuffed animal to camp, because I already missed it. It made me feel close to him when we were apart. I turned my shoulder into the seatback, angling away from Hannah and the rest of the bus. "Hi."
"What can I do for you?" he asked lightly.
"Nothing." I tucked some hair behind my ear. He smelled faintly of cigarette smoke mixed with aftershave. The bus driver turned the music up a little for Aerosmith's "Crazy." "What do you think so far?" I asked.
"Lots of things."
"Good things?"
"Good things." He glanced at my knees and then away. "Are you cold? You have goosebumps."
I did, but not because the air conditioning was too high. They were from being close to him, from having a secret nickname, from Steven Tyler's "C'mere, baby." I shook my head. "I'm fine."
He looked back out the window. Our beloved beach had been replaced with desertscape and rundown towns. Soon it'd be mountains, pine trees, curvy roads.
"Do you want to be alone?" I asked.
He didn't respond right away. He had a hard profile, darkened against the bright window. Always brooding, with his pitch-black hair and heavy eyebrows. Would he tell me what he was thinking about if I got up the courage to ask? I didn't think so. I'd never met anyone so private, and it only fueled my curiosity.
If he wanted me to go, I figured he was too polite to say so. I went to get up, but he said, "No."
He had a funny way of acting like he wanted me around since he didn't look at or speak to me. But I hadn't been alone with him in weeks, and I had questions-about nothing and everything.
I chose a safe topic. "Are you finished at the house?"
He turned to me. "Not yet. We're waiting for some permits to come through."
"Then what?"
"We'll be there another couple weeks or so."
Hearing he'd be around a little longer wasn't much of relief because summer would be over in two weeks anyway-and I had no idea what would happen next. "Then what?" I pressed.
"I graduate in December, and I start training to be a police officer."
"Where?"
"Wherever there's a place for me."
My face flushed, my blood suddenly rushing. The idea of him leaving made my heart thump painfully hard. I was stuck in every sense of the word. I had two years left of high school. After that, I'd be in Los Angeles for at least four years for college. What if he didn't want to go back to L.A.? I couldn't even get in a car and drive anywhere until I got my license. Manning could leave at any moment without even telling me. No warning, no way for me to follow him.
I gripped the edge of his seat cushion in a fist, as if that'd keep him here. "You'd move?"
He must've heard the panic in my voice, because he studied me. His expression smoothed. "Only if I had to. I like Orange County, and I don't plan to leave. But I have to go where the work is."
"Will you tell me if you do?" I asked.
He wrinkled his nose. "Of course."
"Can I have your phone number just in case?"
He laughed a little and rested his head against the back of the seat. "You make me smile, Lake. Nobody else does. How could I walk away from you?" His joy, if you could call it that, eased as he stared up at the ceiling. He kept his voice down. "I'll promise you something better. Wherever I go, I won't abandon you."
"What does that mean? I can come with you?"
"It just means we'll always be friends. As long as you want that."
I held onto his seat even more tightly. I believed him, because it was the same for me. If I had to be away from him a few years, if I had to make long distance phone calls or write letters-no cost would be too high to keep him in my life. And maybe down the line, that would pay off. One day, he'd look at me and see a beautiful, sexy woman instead of the awkward, inexperienced teen I was now.
"Where would you go?" I asked.
"I honestly don't know."
"Home?"
He shook his head, still looking up. "I don't have a home."
I refrained from transferring my death grip from the cushion to his hand. I could give him whatever it was he was missing. I knew I could. "How is that possible?" I asked softly.
"Some people just don't. It's not always a bad thing."
"Tell me about your family."
"No."
"What about your sister? Is she with your parents?"
With his head back, his throat was exposed, so I could see and hear him swallow. "No. I don't talk about my family."
"Even with me? I won't tell anyone."
"It has nothing to do with you. I just don't."
I knew I shouldn't take it personally, but I did. Nobody made him smile like me-wasn't that worth something? Didn't he trust me? Feel close to me? I'd trusted him from the moment he'd held my bracelet in his palm and asked me to come get it. All this time, I'd thought he was asking me to read between the lines, to hear the things he couldn't say.