Running my fingers over his message, I click reply and stop to stare at the screen. I stare at it for a while, trying to figure it out. How do I say no to Alex? How do I tell him that I’m not ready to lose him yet . . . or that I’m in love with him and can’t live without him?
I don’t. I can’t, so I toss my phone aside and bury myself under the blanket, holding back the cries that have been burning in the back of my throat all day. It feels raw.
“I’m sorry,” I say softly into the air. “So sorry.”
I never meant to lose you . . .
TRIPP HASN’T BEEN HOME IN eight days now. Eight fucking days! She hasn’t been at work either. I’ve been texting her pretty much every hour for the last few days, but all she’s been sending back are short, one worded answers. At least that’s an improvement from before. I hate that she feels she has to do that with me. It just shows me how truly confused and stressed out she must be feeling at the moment. I want to fix that, but she’s not giving me the chance right now, and I refuse to tell her something this important over a fucking text message.
Lucas just walked in the door from work or who the fuck knows where. We haven’t spoken since that day and we have been working to avoid each other. He gets ready to walk into the kitchen but stops and grips the doorframe when he sees me standing shirtless, dripping with sweat.
I’m pretty sure he knows not to fuck with me right now.
“Tripp won’t answer her phone still. Good job, shithead.” He releases the doorframe and walks over to the fridge, pulling out a beer. “I’ve called her like ten damn times just today. Nothing. I have to hear her fucking voice on a recording.”
I steel my jaw and pour my bottled water over my head, not having shit to say. I have to admit that I’m happy to hear that she’s not answering for him.
He continues talking when he realizes that he’s about to have a one-sided conversation. “I had a feeling there was more to your friendship all along, but I needed to know before things between Tripp and I became serious.” He pauses to open his beer and tilt it back. He sets it down hard. “You might not believe it, but I love her too, dammit. I’ve given Tripp her damn space for the last twelve months, hoping that she would see me with other women and realize that she was ready to have me to herself. Not one time has she shown any kind of jealousy when it comes to me with another woman. Never.”
I shake my wet hair and grip the counter.
“I was jealous as shit to see you two together, but I had to know if I was right about you two. I needed to know if she loved you, and after that night I know for a fact that she does. She doesn’t love me, man. It sucks, but it’s mostly my fault. I guess it’s true what they say . . . Never let your girl have a male best friend.”
I tilt my head his way. He’s gripping his bottle so tightly that his knuckles are white.
“Alex fucking Carter,” he grumbles. “You’re the reason she was never ready in the first place. It was you that she was afraid of losing all along.”
His words cause my heart to ache. What if he’s right? What if she has been waiting all these years for me and I was the idiot, trying my best to keep myself from falling. I’m a fucking asshole.
Shit, Tripp . . . I’m an idiot.
I push away from the counter and look up at the clock to see that it’s past ten. Tara is probably in bed, ready to get up early for work in the morning. I need to see Tripp. Tonight.
I give Lucas one last look before gripping my shirt, throwing it on, and running out the door.
My truck is in reverse and pulling out of the driveway before I can fully think it through. This is something that needs to be said in person, and the idea of making her wait any longer is killing me.
All of the lights are off when I arrive in front of Tara’s house. Just like in the past, I jog over to the side of the house and reach for Tripp’s window to open it. I push up, but it doesn’t move.
“Fuck.”
She never locks her window. My stomach sinks and I find myself gripping my hair in frustration. I need to get to her and it seems as if she’s doing what she can to keep me away. A feeling of pain so deep rushes through me that I have the urge to punch something, but I don’t. I can’t lose my temper.
I glance over at Tara’s window and see that it’s opened a crack. Without a second thought, I push her window open and shove my leg through it.
Tara quickly sits up from bed and whisper yells my name once I get fully inside. “Alex!” She rubs her hands over her face and shakes her head at me. “It’s called the front door. The key is on your ring. It has been for years now. Give the window a rest and let me get my rest.”
I rush over to Tara, grab her head, and kiss the top of it. “Sorry, Tara. I need to see Tripp.”
Tara gives me an understanding look and smiles tiredly at me. “I’m glad you’re here,” she whispers. “Now get out of here. I have a lunch date tomorrow and I need all the beauty rest I can get.”
I grin at her. “Nah . . . you don’t need any.” Then I quickly rush out the bedroom door, making my way next door to Tripp’s room.
I stop and take a deep breath, before pushing her door open and stepping inside.
She’s sitting up on her bed, looking straight at me when I enter, as if she’s been waiting.
“Your window was locked,” I say gently.
She pulls her eyes away from me, and huffs. “I know. I just needed a little more time alone.” She jumps to her feet and throws her arms up. “I’m so fucking confused right now. I’m filled with so many emotions that I can’t figure out how to breathe. I feel like I’m suffocating, Alex. I can’t fucking breathe,” she cries.
I reach out to touch her face, but she turns away from me. It fucking kills me. “Tripp . . . we need to talk. I need to tell you–”
“Alex,” she cuts me off. “Can we wait until tomorrow? I just need tonight to really get all my thoughts together before I say or do something that I might regret for the rest of my life. I want you here . . .” She turns around and our eyes meet. I hate the pain I see in hers, but I have a feeling that mine are reflecting the same. “But it might not be the best right now. A lot has happened over the weeks. I think we both need this right now. I’m scared. So damn scared. Please understand.”
It hurts like hell, but I respect her with everything in me, and if she needs another night I will give it to her, but one night is all I’m willing to give. “Okay,” I whisper. I pull her into my arms and hold her for what feels like forever. My heart feels like it’s beating again for the first time in eight days. Then I kiss the top of her head, like I always do. “After I get off work tomorrow. I don’t need any more time to think. I know what I want and I’m coming to find you the minute I walk out that damn door.”
Pulling away, she looks up at me as I back away from her. “I’m not working tomorrow. I’m going with Tara on her lunch date and then I’m coming back here. I’ll be ready to talk. I promise.”
I nod my head and walk away before I can lose it and tell her everything that I’m dying to say right now. I gently close her door behind me, careful not to disturb Tara anymore tonight.
It’s going to be a bitch to get through work tomorrow . . .
“YO, DUDE. WHAT THE FUCK?” The skater-looking dude with blue hair that I’ve been working on pulls his arm away and sits up. “Do you need a break or something? You’re in a zombie zone or some shit. Don’t fuck my shit up.”
I take a deep breath and pull his arm back to its original position, not giving a shit if I piss him off at this point. “Hold still,” I say stiffly.
I swear if I don’t get out of here soon, I’m going to fucking lose it. I’ve been in this damn room for the last three hours, when all I really want to do is be in whatever room Tripp is.
I get distracted when my phone vibrates across the desk. It’s the second time in the last three minutes, and with each time I get more anxious, wondering if it’s Tripp.
“You need to get that, dude?”
Flexing my jaw, I set the gun down and pull my gloves off. “Give me a minute.”
“Whatever gets your head back in the game, bro. I’m going outside for a smoke.”
My heart skips a beat when I pick up my cell to see Tripp’s name flash across the screen. This is now the third time. That doesn’t sit well with me.
With my heart racing, I answer it. “Tripp, is everything–”
“Hello,” A voice that isn’t Tripp’s interrupts me. “Is this Alex?”
Feeling as if my hearts going to beat out of my chest, I grip the desk. “What the fuck is going on? Where’s Tripp?”
The girl on the other end is silent for a few seconds, causing my anxiety to grow.
“Answer me,” I growl into the phone. “Please.”
“I’m sorry. Your friend was involved in a car accident.” My heart fucking stops as she continues. “I found her phone in the car and dialed the last person that she talked to. She’s being loaded into the ambulance as we speak. I think she may need you.”
“Fuck!” I start shaking as I reach for my keys and run out the door, still holding the phone. “Text me the name of which hospital they are taking her to.”