Something for the Pain(2)

“Are you serious, Alex?” She sounds a bit shocked and confused. She’s not too happy with me at the moment, but she’ll get over it and see my point of view. She usually does. I’m always honest with her, even if it does hurt her feelings. I can’t be anything but. Honesty is what she needs. “I have known Lucas since I was fifteen. You have known him since you were sixteen. I don’t get what your problem is.”

“Yeah, and I have known you since I was eight. It’s my job to protect you. I don’t see you guys moving in together as being a good idea. I don’t like it and I don’t think you should do it.”

She stands up and walks over to slide next to me in the booth. She wraps her arms around my waist and leans her head on my shoulder, looking up at me. “What if I told you that it wouldn’t just be the two of us? Would it make you feel any better about it?”

I tilt my head down and strain my eyes to look into hers. I like that idea just a little bit more than the first, but it’s still not enough for me to like it, however I’ll let her finish anyway. “I’m listening.”

“We want you to move in with us. My first place just wouldn’t seem right without you being there. It will be fun. I promise.”

I let out a breath of frustration and shake my head. I didn’t see this shit coming and I really have no idea what to think. “It sounds complicated as shit, babe. The three of us as roommates . . . and he’s okay with that? You don’t see him getting jealous when I walk around the house nude and shit, getting your attention? I wouldn’t want to put him to shame. It might crush his spirit.”

She elbows me in the side, causing me to jump away and spit out the drink of beer that I had just taken. Looking down at my now wet shirt, she covers her mouth and laughs. “You don’t walk around nude, so shut up.” She sits up and looks at me with questioning eyes, as I lift my eyebrows in disagreement. Someone’s curiosity is piqued. “Or do you? Have I been missing something?”

“You really want to find out?” I question with a smirk.

She lets out a nervous laugh before turning around in the booth to face me, pressing her knee against my leg. She grabs my thigh and squeezes it to let me know she wants me to get serious. “Look. You know what kind of relationship Lucas and I have. What part of that makes you think he will get jealous? Plus, he knows we are only friends. We spend every day together and he has never once complained. We have an understanding for the time being and it works. Trust me.”

I lean back against the wall and steel my jaw, while studying her eyes. Everything about them makes me want to break down. “Yeah. I still don’t agree on your little arrangement, but because I know you so well, I understand. I just wish it could be different.”

Tripp has had a shitty childhood, and I don’t blame her for not getting close to many people. I understand that way too much. Her druggie parents abandoned her at the age of seven and she has been living with her aunt Tara since. When I met her, she felt alone and crushed. Her aunt had a job that kept her busy most of the time and she had no other family. I became her family. I took care of her.

When her and Lucas hooked up less than a year ago and it started getting emotionally weighted, she told him she wasn’t ready to commit, but that she really liked him. She just couldn’t let him in, or open up. In turn she felt selfish for not being able to give him all of her time, so she decided it was best to not get serious for a while. They both agreed on an open relationship as long as they were both honest with each other. I didn’t like it then and I still don’t.

Most of all I hated that she had to be so selfless to make him happy. If he cared about her enough, then he shouldn’t have agreed to the ridiculous shit they are—using one another. He should have just told her he would wait for her. I would have.

She squeezes my leg tighter and scoots closer. “I know. I know. I asked him to just be patient and give us a year. We are both young and I’m in no rush to be anything serious. I know you don't understand the reasoning behind why Lucas and I have this relationship. It just works for us. I don't feel pressure for more and it's fun. I don't feel like I have to pretend with him like so many others, you know. He doesn't push me or take more than I'm willing to give. We’re both okay with that.” She stops to flash me a devilish grin. “Hell . . . we even mess around with other people sometimes just to get worked up for each other. It’s such a damn rush. So as you can see there is nothing for Lucas to be jealous about when he can take it out on someone else. It will be fine.”

I almost finish my beer off and let all her information sink in. Why does this shit piss me off? All this time I thought it was only Lucas having fun on the side. I never thought to ask her about it. “Alright, let me get this straight. So you let these other guys put their hands on you and Lucas just lets them without wanting to strangle them?”

My chest hurts at the thought. I have a strong instinct to protect her. The thought of other men getting off on her just for the hell of it pisses me off. “You never told me that shit. I didn’t think you needed it. I can’t say I like this little game either. I hope you’re using protection. Shit, Tripp.”

“It’s not as bad as you make it sound. Just because I’m a girl, it doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t be allowed to have a little fun once in a while too. You have your fun and I don’t judge you.” She shakes her head and pushes my arm, offended. She does have a point there. I have no right to judge her, but it’s hard as hell. “We’re young, Alex. There is nothing wrong with exploring. It’s only happened like two times, but you get the point. It’s not like I suck them off or have sex or anything, jeez. It’s just kissing and a little touching. Lucas is the only one I have slept with and we always use protection. Always.”

Still, I can’t help but to picture her doing dirty things to other men. The thought infuriates me. The bigger shocker is that I’m surprised he allows it, and that he wants it too. I would fucking kill someone if I were in his shoes. I always knew there was something wrong with that dick’s head.

“Yeah, well if I were your man . . .” I pause to tilt back my beer. “You better believe I would be the only one pleasuring you. I protect and take care of what is mine, and you wouldn’t need other men to please you. I would be yours . . . anytime, anyway, and any fucking where.”

Her face turns red, and for a brief second I can see her trying to catch her breath. My words had some kind of an effect on her, and I’m not sure what that means, or what I want it to mean.

“But that’s just me.” I add. “You know what kind of man I am. I don’t share. I guess if that’s what gets you off, then why not?”

“Why do you sound so mad? You knew what kind of relationship Lucas and I had. Nothing in regards to Lucas and I has ever been set in stone. We’re just having fun while we can. There’s no reason to be mad. It all stops soon and then we both have to decide what to do from there. We either both fully commit or we just stay friends. This was an easy way to keep things light instead of ruining our friendship if it didn’t work out. Less pressure on both of us.”

She takes a long sip of her drink, while watching me with curious eyes.

I’m more than mad. The thought of Lucas treating her that way makes me want to choke the life out of him. “I just don’t get how Lucas has known you for six years and he doesn’t have the same urge to protect you as I do. Tripp, I would hurt anyone that hurt you. You mean more to me than just fun. I’ve watched you grow up over the last thirteen years. You’re one of the most important people in my life. I’ve always been there for you and always will be. Even when I left . . . to take care of that shit, I still called you and worried about you almost every day. Things have changed a little since then but not really. The only thing different is that you’re in a relationship now, or fucking him at least. I’m still your best fucking friend. I will always protect you.”

She’s right. It’s not as bad as I make it sound, but I can’t help it. The thought of more than one guy being able to touch her makes my blood boil. I understand her completely, but at the moment, I’m choosing not to.

She grabs my arm and rests her head on it. “That’s why I love you so much. I know that you will protect me and the same goes for you. I will always have your back. That’s why I don’t only want you to move in with us, but I need you to. I know you’re making enough money at the tattoo shop and that being in that house still hurts you. Come stay with me, please. Let Memphis and Lyric take the house. It will be fun. I promise.”

I look at her and swallow, but don’t say a word. My head is spinning so fast right now that I want to throw my fist into a wall. This is stupid. I’m going to make a stupid decision because I care about her too much. I have a feeling that being in the same house with them and seeing Lucas bring home other girls is going to make me despise him, even if she does say it’s their thing. Not to mention Tripp bringing other guys as well. I can’t handle that shit.