“Yes, I don’t think you could have handled me having kids, which is why I didn’t want to tell you. With you, I just wanted to be me. Parker. I didn’t want you to think I was Parker the mom. I love my kids more than myself, but I didn’t want you around them, and before you say anything it was for me. It was because I didn’t want them thrust into this fling. I wanted to keep it separate.”
My voice is shaky because I don’t know how much more I can continue without the tears coming in. I hate that this is getting to me. I hate that this thing is starting to be more than I care to admit it is.
“When are you going to get it into your thick ass head that this isn’t the fling you keep saying it is? I want to know you, all of you, everything about you. What makes you smile, what makes you sad, your fears, your hopes, your dreams. I want it all. I want you to give all that to me. I don’t give a fuck if you have one kid or twelve kids, what I care is that I’m here with you. Now are we clear?”
I’m not sure I’m ready for what Cooper Stone has to offer, but what I do know is that I’m not strong enough to turn him away anymore. I know it’s the smart thing to do for everyone, but for just this once I’m being selfish for me.
“Want to spend a cool Saturday night ordering pizza and probably watching Frozen?”
“What’s Frozen?” he asks, and I feel bad for him for that one second.
“You are going to love it,” I say, knowing he will hate every single second, but he asked for this and who am I to deny him this.
“You there next to me is all I need.” He leans in, laying a kiss on my lips. I intertwine our hands, walking inside my house.
“Let me give you a tour of my home.” I smile up at him, and in that moment I’m happy he is here with me.
In the end, he shared pepperoni pizza with us and snuggled up on the couch with Allison to watch Frozen. Allison loved that he was so into it, she gave him the play by play. She fell fast asleep on his lap right before the sisters shared their love.
“Babe, this was fucking torture. Are they all like that, with the singing and stuff?”
“Yes, they are all like that, and don’t you start. I tried to get you out of it. You were the big man, thinking this is a walk in the park. Ha ha ha, never underestimate the power of Disney!” I giggle at him.
“Babe, where do I put Allison? I don’t want to wake her.”
“I’ll take her, don’t worry about it.” I reach out to grab my baby from him at the same time he goes to stand up, cradling her over his shoulder.
“Lead the way.”
We walk down the hall, placing her in her bed and covering her. I kiss her forehead, turning off her light. Cooper follows me out.
“Want to stay or go?” I ask him, holding my breath. I really want him to stay, but after the shock of today I won’t push it.
“Where is Matthew?” He reaches up to cradle my face as he asks the question.
Matthew had supper with us, but as soon as we mentioned Frozen he bailed and said he had some science to study for.
“I’m going to say he is passed out right now, but we can check to make sure.”
I lead him away from Allison’s room and peek into Matthew’s. I guess I was right. There in his queen bed rests the first man to ever have my heart unconditionally, his science book tossed on the floor beside his bed, soft snoring coming out of him.
“Just like I thought. It was a long day, plus he was at the rink all day.”
His hands go around my waist, walking away from the bedroom toward the front door. Well, that answers my question. Guess he’s leaving. He opens the door, and when I’m thinking he will walk down the steps, he walks around to the hammock.
“Lie with me?” he asks.
“Have you seen yourself? You can’t fit in that hammock. You’re huge.”
He goes to lie down, keeping one foot on the ground, lying in the hammock.
“I guess you can fit like that.”
I lie down next to him, or more like half on top of him.
“Babe, we are not getting hot and heavy with the kids inside. I just want to lie down with my woman, chilling.”
“Define hot and heavy.” I’m not even going to try to deny that I want him anymore. I want him any way I can get him.
He puts his finger under my chin, lifting my lips to his, slowly inching his tongue inside of my mouth. It feels like home. It feels that, no matter what happens during the day, if I come home to this, everything is going to be worth it.
That’s what we do in the hammock, we kiss, we feel, we relax, and in all that relaxing I finally fall asleep with my man in my hammock.
Chapter Ten