Something Forever(47)

Becky



I had no idea what Matthew had meant by showing me how much he cared for me, but if the number of roses were any indication, his love for me was more than I could measure or comprehend. Vases of roses were delivered to our place. Jenna kept going to the door and bringing back more and more. At first I thought they were for her, but they were all for me...except a couple of them.

Jenna wore a huge smile. “See how much he loves you? Don’t punish yourself and him. Take him back, Becky.”

Feeling overwhelmed, I inhaled the sweet fragrance and took it all in. I tried not to smile, but I couldn’t help it. No one had ever apologized to me in this way before. Matthew could have said, “Screw you,” and walked away, but he didn’t. I needed some time. If he could give me a little bit more, then I might be able to move on with him.

“Your phone was ringing.” Jenna passed it to me and headed back to the kitchen. She was filling the vases with water.

“Thanks.” I scrolled through it to see who had tried to reach me. One was from Tanner, and the other one was from Matthew. I texted Tanner first and let him know that I was considering visiting him since I was planning to attend the London book convention. I could take the train and swing by his place after the convention. I scrolled up to find Matthew’s.

Just in case you didn’t read my messages on the cards, I’m texting it to you. Each petal on all of the roses is how many times I’m saying I’m sorry for hurting you. Each petal on all of the roses is how many times I’m saying I miss you. And each petal on all of the roses is how much I love you. Call me when you’re ready. I’ll be waiting.

Tears streamed down my face and my heart lit up in ways it hadn’t for weeks. “I miss you, too,” I mumbled under my breath. My fingers itched to text him those words, but I couldn’t. When I looked up, Jenna was right beside me.

“Hey.” With tears in her eyes, she smiled at me.

Then I lost it. I embraced her and sobbed like crazy in her arms. I needed her comfort. I needed for her to tell me that everything was going to be fine, but she had no idea what I was going through. Nobody knew. I had never told her about my condition.

“It’s okay. Let it all out.” She rubbed my back, holding me tightly. “I don’t understand why you are doing this to yourself, but I do understand why you feel guilty. The first step is telling your friends how you feel. The second step is talking about it and working things out. I’m not in your shoes, so I don’t know what it’s truly like. I’m not judging you, but you deserve all the happiness life presents to you. Don’t let it slip away. I’m sorry, but Tessa had her chance. God took her away, not you. You didn’t kill her, Becky. It was just her time to go. Someone better was meant for Matthew.”

I nodded, letting her know that I’d heard every single one of her wise words, and I’d needed to. Pulling back, I wiped my tears. “Thank you. I needed to hear that.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. All these years you kept this bottled up. It was eating up your heart and soul, Becky. I don’t care about Tessa. She is only a name to me. But I care about you. You’re a wonderful person who deserves Matthew more than she does. Don’t think you deserve anyone less. If Matthew was an asshole, I would tell you to forget him, but look around you. This place is filled with his love for you.”

I glanced around, still unbelieving. Everywhere I looked was a reminder of Matthew. “Okay.” I nodded. “I’ll talk to Matthew, but I need to take one step at a time. He’s going to have to give me space. We can’t just jump into where we were.”

“I understand, but Matthew is going to Sydney this weekend for the annual Australia Fashion Show.”

“Oh...I’ll be going to the London Book Fair the same week. Then several weeks later is your wedding.” Seeing Jenna’s worried eyes I jumped in again. “Don’t worry. I’ll be there, even if Matthew and I can’t work it out. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Jenna rubbed my arm with a caring smile. “Just do what your heart tells you to do. That is what you always told me. Now I’m giving you the same advice back. Your heart won’t lie to you.”

“I love you, Jenna.” I pulled her in for a tight squeeze. “What am I going to do when you get married?”

Jenna sniffed into my sweater. “I’ll always be here for you.” Her voice cracked. “I’m just a phone call away. When you and Matthew get back together, you’ll be a floor below me.”