Brian treated me like a queen for the first three months of our relationship and then something in him changed our senior year. He became much more possessive of me and he would get really jealous whenever another guy looked at me. Guys looked at me all the time because I had big boobs and I had a pretty face. I found myself having to constantly reassure him that nothing was going on with any other guy and that he was the only guy that I wanted to be with. That would placate him for a while but then something would happen to set him off again.
I remember the first time he hit me we were in his car and I was so shocked that I didn't know what to say. He accused me of flirting with my lab partner Matt earlier that day in school. I told him that we were just talking about our project that was due the next week and nothing was going on with him, but Brian didn't want to hear it. His eyes glazed over and I remember seeing a vein pop out on his forehead as his face turned beet red before he slapped me across the face.
"Don't lie to me, Elena!"
My hands flew up to my face as he raised his hand to me again and hit me on the side of my head. I couldn't believe what had just happened and I immediately started crying uncontrollably. The guy that I loved who I thought loved me back had just hit me. I knew that this was wrong and that I should end things with him immediately, but he started crying and apologizing for hitting me. He told me that it would never happen again as he kissed me gently all over my face. I could see the remorse and his eyes so, like a fool, I forgave him and I never told anyone what happened. I told myself that if it ever happened again I was going to break up with him. I put make up on my face to cover the bruises, pulled my hair over my eyes and wore big sunglasses for a week until the swelling went down. My parents thought that I was going through a phase where I thought I was the coolest thing around and that's why I was wearing my sunglasses all the time. My mom made a little teasing comment about it asking me if I thought I was the next big superstar, but she never dug deeper because I was able to hide the bruising so well.
Brian was really nice to me for the next couple of weeks, bringing me a rose every day and he kept promising me that nothing like that would ever happen again, and I believed him. Three weeks after the first incident he hit me again when a waiter at a restaurant flirted with me. Brian accused me of flirting with him and when we were in his car he slapped me as soon as he closed the door. Again, he immediately apologized and told me that he loved me and he wanted to kill himself for hurting me. He begged me not to leave him and promised that he would never do it again. He said he really meant it this time. I decided to forgive him again because I loved him and I couldn't see that I was stuck in a cycle of abuse.
For the next couple of months, things were going perfectly with us, he had mellowed and stopped the possessive behavior (the fact that I tried to avoid guys when he was around helped, I'm sure), I bought a gorgeous dress for prom and we were the golden couple at school. A month before prom he saw me laughing in the hall with a couple of guys as I was getting ready to leave and he went ballistic. He held it together in front of everyone but I could tell that he was pissed when he came over to me and told me that he needed to talk with me in private. We walked outside and I could feel a huge pit in my stomach as I braced myself for what he was going to say.
He pushed me into his car and peeled away so fast that the squealing tires caused a lot of heads to turn. We pulled into the last row of the crowded mall parking lot where no one would see us, and he turned furious eyes toward me and just started screaming at me.
"I bet you liked having those guys fawn all over you, didn't you? You looked like a slut begging to be fucked, and you wanted that didn't you, Elena? Did you sleep with them? Did you? Answer me!"
I was terrified to say anything when he was like this, but I knew that I had to say something to make him calm down. I reached out and gently touched his cheek, trying to calm his concerns.
"Brian, no, nothing happened with those guys, we were just chatting. You know that you're the one that I love and you're the one that I want to be with. Only you."
I was really hoping that my words would be enough to soothe him but I could not have been more wrong. He knocked my hand away from his face and he slapped me across the face, cutting my lip. When I tasted the blood in my mouth, something snapped in me and I was done. I was tired of being afraid of him and I was not going to be that girl that lived in fear of her boyfriend anymore. I had a vision of what my life would really be like with Brian and I finally came to my senses.
"Don't you ever put your hands on me again! I don't need this! We are over! Don't call me, don't text me and don't even look at me! I don't want to have anything to do with you ever again!"
I flung open the car door and Brian reached across to grab me, and I hit him with my backpack as I ran out of the car. I ran as fast as I could into the mall and ducked into the ladies' bathroom. I hid in a stall and was shaking and crying as I called Chloe.
"Hello?"
"Chloe?" I could barely get her name out.
"Laney? What's wrong?!" She sounded panicked.
"Can you come pick me up at the mall?"
"Of course! Where are you?"
"I'll meet you in the parking lot in front of Chili's."
"Okay, I'll be there in 10 minutes!"
"Thanks Chloe."
After a few minutes I washed my face, pulled my hair in my face and got myself together and gingerly stepped out into the mall, carefully looking around making sure that Brian was nowhere in sight. By the time I made it outside to the parking lot, Chloe was waiting for me. I quickly got into her car and started crying all over again. When she saw my face, she couldn't believe what she saw.
"Oh my gosh Laney! What happened to you?"
I was so ashamed that my friend had to see me like this but I had to tell her what happened.
"Brian."
"What?!" Her shriek caught me off guard.
"It's not the first time this has happened, I just covered it up before. But today was the last straw. I broke things off with him and I never want to speak to him again." I was balling like a baby and she put her arms around me.
"I, I just can't believe it. You guys? Brian? I'm in shock right now. Are you okay? Do I need to take you to the hospital?"
"No, I will be okay. I'm just really embarrassed that I even allowed this to happen to me. Chloe, please don't tell my parents, I just want to go crawl into my bed."
She started driving toward my house and I dried my tears.
"Why not?" Her eyes were concerned as she glanced at me while trying to pay attention to the road.
"I'm afraid my dad will kill him and I just don't want them to know that I was so weak."
"Laney, your parents love you and I think you should tell them what happened. Trust me, they will want to be there for you. I don't think you should have to deal with this with just me as someone to talk to. I'll go with you to tell them if you want."
I was silent for a minute as I thought about what she said, but I decided against it. The school year was almost over and I would never have to see Brian again so I didn't think I had to involve my parents. I couldn't bear to see the look on my parents' face when they learned that he had hit me before and I had stayed with him.
"Chloe, I'll be fine, really, I don't want them to know. It will be better for everyone if I can just put this behind me. I'll just tell my parents that we broke up and I don't want to talk about it. This whole thing will blow over, you'll see."
We pulled up to my house and I gave her a big hug.
"Thank you for coming to pick me up."
"You're sure you don't want me to go inside with you?"
"No, I'll be fine, thanks. And Chloe? Please don't tell anyone about this."
"I won't, I promise, even though I think you should tell your parents."
"I'll be okay, really. I'll see you at school tomorrow."
I got out of the car and luckily my parents weren't home from work yet so I ate a sandwich really fast, grabbed some ice for my lip, and decided to turn in early. When my parents came home I would just mumble from the bed that I broke up with Brian and I wanted to be alone. My mom would probably want to come in to make sure that I was okay, but my dad would convince her to give me space. My dad and I were really tight; I could talk to him about anything. But this, what had happened to me with Brian, I just felt so ashamed and I knew my dad would want to have him arrested. If that happened it would be all over school and Brian was so popular I was sure that everyone would hate me. I didn't want to make things worse than they already were; I just wanted it all to go away.