Had all the other options passed Lizzie by? Was this all she was due? Was this all she could expect? And what about the whole husband and kids package? Lizzie had learned not to wish for what seemed impossible. She definitely wasn't hanging out for the tradition of it. It wasn't the convention of it that she wanted, not the white dress or the ring or the ceremony. It was the love and friendship and wild sex part of it. The in-jokes and the shared stories, the history and the comfort of being loved and loving someone. She wanted what she'd seen Julia fight so hard for. And seeing Julia get it had made Lizzie think more about what she might be missing out on.
Lizzie dragged out a chair from Harri's kitchen table and fell into it, all those sentiments overwhelming her. What if she ended up alone? She could do that, she'd already done it. No one to answer to. That is, if Joe ever moved out. She could be a free agent, eat cheese on toast for dinner if she wanted to. Stay up late. Get grumpy. Wear her PJs all day. Give up on shaving her legs. She would be able to come and go as she pleased.
Except she never went anywhere.
And now, it all seemed so … ordinary. For so many years, she'd wished for ordinary. And it had been enough. But now it just seemed like the ambition of someone who was scared to think about what she really wanted, someone who was too scared to wish for more.
Someone who'd spent her whole life settling for less.
Dan's words were like a recurring dream in her head. What happened to you, Lizzie? Why, of all people, was it Dan who could see her for who she really was? That she was someone too scared to face the truth of what had happened to her and what it had done to her.
How the hell could he know?
She covered her face with her hands, trying to block out the light and everything else. When Julia had come back to Middle Point, filled with the burning desire to get the hell out of there as fast as she could, Lizzie had reminded her that it was the one place she could really be herself. 'You don't have to pretend to be something you're not when you're here,' she'd told her self-righteously.
The lie of that speared Lizzie right through her heart. She hadn't known it at the time, but she'd lied to her best friend. She'd lied to everyone. Most of all, she'd somehow managed to lie to herself and have herself believe the lie. For fifteen years, she been pretending to be someone she wasn't. And it seemed it was finally catching up with her.
When her mobile rang, vibrating in the pocket of her jeans, she fished it out with a frustrated sigh. The caller ID announced it was Stinkface and she pushed the phone to her ear.
'Joe? What's happening? Where are you? How's Harri? Is she okay?' Lizzie's words came out in a tumble.
'Woah, slow down, Mosquito. Here's the story. You guessed right. She's broken her hip. I'm still here at the hospital. They've just taken her into surgery now and it'll be a few hours before she's out of there.'
'God. Poor Harri.'
'Lizzie, don't worry about her. She's a tough old broad. Hey, one of her sons showed up too. He was pretty cut up. Told me his brother's on his way, too.'
Lizzie let out a huge sigh of relief. She knew Harri would feel better with her sons by her side.
'I'm going to stay here and wait until she's out of surgery, make sure she's okay. It could be really late. You'll be all right?' Lizzie listened for any sign of fatigue in Joe's voice and was surprised to hear him sounding confident instead.
'I'll be all right,' she told him.
'Is Dan still there with you?'
'No, he left,' she said flatly, and her voice caught in an emotional knot in her throat.
He hesitated. 'You okay?' God, did nothing escape him, either?
'Really, I'm fine. Except for being worried sick about Harri. You'll call me when she's out of surgery, let me know how she's doing?'
'I'll text you. It could be really late and you sound like you need to get some sleep, little sister.'
Lizzie agreed to wait for Joe's text and then clicked off the call, pushing the phone away until it slid to a stop on Harri's kitchen table. Joe was right, yet again. A tidal wave of exhaustion seeped into her and she knew she needed to go home. She locked Harri's door behind her as she went and staggered home to her bed. Fell into it face first.
CHAPTER
27
Dan was about ready to chew off his own arm. Lizzie hadn't answered one of his calls in the days after Harri's fall. And he'd made twenty of them. At first he tried really hard to be understanding. After five messages, his tone morphed into slightly pissed off.
And now, he was simply bat-shit crazy.
He'd tried burying himself in work for a while, throwing himself into the Windswept Development, driving up to Adelaide for a couple of days and then working the phones and communicating via long distance from his beach house with the sea view.
But none of that scratched the itch he felt at not seeing Lizzie. At worrying like hell about her. At knowing there was something she didn't want to share. That feeling that she didn't trust him enough to tell him? That hurt the most.
He needed to see her. Needed to prove what he'd said.
Finally, he'd had enough of the shut out. Late one night and, yeah, after a few too many beers, he found himself roaming the dark Middle Point backstreets on auto pilot until the pink flamingos came into view.
Around him, the night was calm but he felt none of it. Above, the Milky Way had exploded like fireworks in the night sky and a mild breeze danced with Middle Point.
Because it was late and the house was dark, he knocked on the door instead of barging right in. He tried to tamp down the crazy he was feeling. Took a deep breath. Tried to let the beer buzz do its work.
A minute later he heard padding feet on the carpet and when the door opened, Lizzie emerged out of the darkness. She looked sleep drunk and his heart lurched at the sight. Her hair was a ruffled mess and she was wearing a barely there singlet top and her knickers.
When she blinked a couple of times and realised it was him, she stiffened, shrunk back from him. 'What do you want, Dan?'
I want you. Could he risk saying it out loud? Would she slam the door in his face? 'Can I come in for a minute?'
'It's really late,' she said, not looking at him. 'I've got to work tomorrow.'
Dan jammed his hands in the pocket of his boardshorts. Anything to stop them from ripping the screen door off its hinges and reaching for her.
'I was wondering how Harri is. Have you heard anything?'
Lizzie squinted and rubbed her eyes. 'You've come here now, at this hour, to ask me about Harri?'
'Yeah, I have.'
Lizzie paused, the look on her face an indication that maybe she was expecting him to say something else.
'She's out of hospital. She's in a rehab place for a couple more weeks until she's stronger on her feet. Her sons are there for her.'
'That's great. Will she be home soon?'
'She should be back in Middle Point in time for the wedding.'
'The wedding,' Dan repeated. 'Yeah, of course.'
'Dan, I-'
'Elizabeth-'
They both spoke at once but neither of them could seem to finish the sentence. The air was heavy with secrets and Dan felt the burden of his like a stone in his stomach. He shifted his weight from his bad leg to his good one. Lizzie blew out a breath that fluttered her fringe.
'You at The Market tomorrow morning?' Dan finally asked.
'Yeah.'
'Maybe I'll swing by.'
'Maybe I'll see you tomorrow then,' Lizzie said.
Dan stepped back into the dark. 'Great.'
Early the next morning, Lizzie leaned against the rear stone wall of the Middle Point pub and sipped her first strong coffee of the day. All around her, stallholders were setting up for the final Sunday market of the summer holidays. As she watched the trestle tables unfold and people set out their wares, she was awash with a strange mix of relief and sadness at the fact that it was almost over. It had been a wonderful summer season at The Market and now the school holidays were almost over, it would be coming to an end.
The whole venture had been more successful than she could ever have imagined, with growing crowds as the weeks went on and some positive coverage in the local papers, thanks to Julia. Ry had promised her that it would all happen again next summer, if she wanted it. And she did.
At the rear of The Market, under a shade sail, she could see Ry already cranking up the barbecues to begin cooking breakfast. He'd become a regular on Sunday mornings, had won a reputation for his delicious bacon and eggs breakfasts, clearly loving the atmosphere and the way his pub had become the centre of community life in his adopted town.
Lizzie was about to head over and say hello when she realised someone else was with him this morning. Someone was next to him, bent over an esky. Lizzie squinted through the bright morning light to make out who it was.
When he stood to his full height, she knew who it was. Dan.
She let out a weary sigh and walked over to the two men, clutching her coffee. She could hardly avoid him all morning so there was a part of her that wanted to get this encounter over with. Ry was sporting his cooking attire of a striped apron and a baseball cap. Dan was by his side, in shorts and a T-shirt, wielding a spatula.