"Between classes, homework, exams-not to mention all the fun shit you're supposed to do in college-you really want to be driving two hours each weekend to stay with your ex-con boyfriend?"
"Yes," I said quietly. My hands began to shake as my dreams sifted through my fingers. I'd been holding on at any cost, but Manning insisted on smashing everything into smaller and smaller pieces until our future was nothing but grains of sand under my feet.
"Even if I could move to L.A.," he said, "I'd have to find a landlord willing to rent to a felon, and then I'd have to come up with first-and-last month, security deposit, and rent each month."
I shook my head hard. "We'll find a way."
"My savings went to the court, to some woman I supposedly traumatized when I was with you," he said. "And your dad has a job for me. A good one, in construction."
"My dad?" I asked. "Why are you bringing him into this? Who cares about him?"
"I do. I care, Lake." Up until now, he'd been heated, but suddenly, his voice became grave. "I want the same things for you and Tiffany that he does. He's not my enemy. In fact, he's going to look into wiping my record clean. I want that so much, Lake, you can't understand."
"I can, because I want that, maybe even more than you." I touched the base of my neck, my pulse thumping under my fingertips. "You aren't the one who has to live with the guilt of knowing your hands are constantly tied because of decisions I made."
"Exactly. I'm the one with the tied hands. You think he'll do anything for me after this? You think he won't spend every free minute he has scheming to get me out of your life?"
"We don't need him." Even as I said it, guilt panged in my heart. He was my dad. As much as he frustrated me, I loved him, and I cared what he thought. Manning was right-Dad'd never be okay with this. I hadn't really considered that having Manning in my life might mean losing not just Tiffany, but my dad, too. "You'll find another job." My voice weakened. "Another apartment."
"It's not that simple, Lake. I have nowhere to live, no car, no money, my credit is shot and I'm on parole. I'm a criminal. These things matter."
"No, they don't. They're just dumb details-"
"They're life, Lake. Relationships, marriage, they don't run on love alone. I tried to tell you that, I . . ." His throat rippled as he clenched his teeth. "My parents were as different as you and me, and they thought love was enough. My dad loved my mom so intensely, he sometimes hurt her. And us," he added quietly.
My chin shook. He had to know we weren't his parents. I did. He was my soul mate. Didn't that mean we'd be together one day, no matter what? Wasn't that the definition of a soul mate? Tiffany would always be able to find someone else. Her soul mate was still out there. But me? Manning? This was it for us. We could fake it all we wanted, but the truth was, there was nobody else out there for me, or for Manning. We needed each other. "You'd never hurt me," I said. "And even if I thought there was a chance you might, I'm still willing to take that risk."
"I'm not." The way his voice broke squeezed my heart, sending more tears down my cheeks. "What can I offer you? How will I take care of us?"
"I'll ask my dad for money," I said. I never had, not in the way Tiffany did, but I could do it for a while.
"No."
"But he gives it to you and Tiffany."
He took a step toward me, seeming to double in size, and to my surprise, I moved back. "That's different, and you fucking know it."
"That isn't fair." I dug my toes into the ground, seeking comfort in the soft sand. "Why would it be any different than him giving you money to take care of Tiffany?"
"Because that's Tiffany and this is you." He gritted his teeth, looking up at the sky. "I can't do that with you. I can't expect you to understand, but I need to you to. I need you to understand this is best."
"It's not best, and I don't understand how you can say it is." I laced my hands over my heart. "You asked if I could go up there and tell Tiffany? I could. I would say goodbye to her, to my dad, for you. Don't marry her, Manning. Be a man, and tell her you don't love her."
His neck thickened, veins rising from under his sleeves, cording his forearms. "Don't tell me to be a man," he said, his fists curling. "What do you think I've been doing? Why do you think I've been doing it? For you, Lake." His body vibrated as he ran both hands through his hair, pulling. "You don't know what you're asking of me."