"When are you starting dinner?" I asked, handing Val a Yoo-hoo.
Mom checked her watched. "I have a house to show right now, and then I'll be back. Probably around five. Tiffany wants to eat early because she thinks Manning will be exhausted. Do they not get to sleep much in prison? I would think so. What else do they do?"
Val looked at my mom blankly, and I imagined my expression was the same. It was weird to hear her say it so casually. In the library, I'd tried looking up information about prison. There were things to do like jobs and exercise and even TV, but I wasn't naïve enough to think I understood anything about the experience.
"I'm going to go for a run," I said. "Is there anything else I need to get for tonight? I can pick it up on my way home."
Mom smiled and came over to fix my hair. "You've asked me that every day this week. We're all set. Don't be uncomfortable. I'm sure Manning is still the nice young man he was before all this. Try not to think of him as a criminal, but as a human being."
Of course he wouldn't be the same. I wasn't, and I hadn't been through a fraction of what he had.
"Enjoy your run. Don't overdo it, okay?" On her way out of the kitchen, Mom patted Val's shoulder. "Nice to see you, honey."
Val and I went upstairs to my bedroom. At my dresser, I opened up the drawer with my running clothes.
"What's she mean by overdo it?" Val asked.
"I don't know." I held up a pair of running shorts. "She's been saying that a lot lately. She was all worried because I ran on Thanksgiving Day. And Christmas Eve. And Christmas. Like a holiday is an excuse not to exercise?"
"Well," Val said in a tone that said, It kind of is.
I needed to run. It wasn't really a choice at this point. When I missed a day, the pressure caught up with me. Test scores and college apps, USC and extracurriculars. Not just the pressure, but my mistakes, too. I began to think of things I shouldn't, memories that'd gone from happy to sad, like talking to Manning on the bus to camp about his college classes and impending law enforcement career. Others haunted me-Manning being led away in handcuffs all because I'd gotten the wild idea he wanted one night alone with me. His orange jumpsuit. The judge ordering him away from us. The courtroom shrinking in the BMW's side mirror. I pushed the heels of my hands into my eye sockets to expunge the images.
Look what you've done, Lake.
"Hey," Val said. "What's wrong?"
I turned to her. She was lying on my bed, Birdy under her bare armpit as she absentmindedly picked at the blue fur. "You'll get deodorant on her," I said, frowning.
"She doesn't mind." She puckered her lips at the stuffed animal and crooned, "Do you, Booby?"
"It's Birdy."
She took the toy out from under her and walked it along the bedspread. "You should've named her Booby, though."
"Why?"
"Because that's what she is. A blue-footed booby."
"She's a pelican."
"This is not a pelican." Val gaped at me. "You should know that. You grew up by the beach."
My heart panged in my chest. That couldn't be right. She had always been a pelican, and that didn't just change. "Why would you say that?" I asked.
"Exhibit A." She tapped her head. "I'm a black hole of useless information." It was true. Val was always pulling random facts out of her ass. "But even if I weren't, see exhibit B. Blue feet." She showed me Birdy's webbed feet which were, in fact, blue like her beak. I'd just assumed she was colorful because she was meant for kids. "Plus, the tag says 'Blue-footed Booby.'"
My eyes dropped to the comforter. Had I been so blind that night at the fair that I hadn't even seen what was right in front of me? Maybe I was kidding myself thinking Manning was looking forward to tonight. What if he blamed me for what he'd lost? Tiffany certainly did. What if he wasn't happy to see me at all? Was there any other explanation for why he'd never responded to my letters, had never bothered to even call?
I couldn't think that way.
Tonight was not going to go wrong. Manning would see me, and just like that first day on the lot, we'd be drawn together. We'd know the truth without saying it-Manning was doing what he needed to until I was eighteen. Nothing else mattered until then.
Val was suddenly standing in front of me, my shoulders in her hands. "Hel-lo? What's wrong?"
I shook my head, clearing my thoughts away. "Nothing."
"Not nothing. You've been moping since the day I met you, and I'm not going to let you get away with it anymore. Why does this pelican-turned-booby bother you so much?"