“No! I mean, not really.” She sighed, her eyes closing. “I’m just trying to decide if there’s anything left there to salvage, I guess. But I don’t even know what I want anymore. I’m so confused. And so tired. And I have to get up so early tomorrow.”
My anger dissipated. Be a friend, not an asshole. This isn’t about you or your dick. “Come on. I can take you home.” I stood up and she grabbed my hand.
“No.” She looked up at me, her cheeks going a little pink. “I don’t want to be alone tonight. Can I stay with you?”
I blinked. Wow. God really wanted to test me tonight. “Uh. Sure.”
“I’ll just open a little later tomorrow.”
“I can take you early. I don’t mind.” See, God? I’m such a good person right now. I’m not even going to get myself off while she’s in the house, even though I really, really need to.
She cocked a brow. “Like four AM early? I have to go home first for work clothes.”
I shrugged. “Sure. Or you can take my car. Whatever you want.” I gave her hand a quick squeeze and dropped it. “There are no sheets on the beds in any guest rooms. Let me make one up for you real quick.”
“Can’t I stay in your room?”
Really, God? “You want to stay in my room?”
“Yeah. Don’t you have two beds?”
I shook my head. “My mother replaced them with a queen.”
“Oh.” Her eyes fell for a second, but then she lifted her shoulders. “Well, I don’t care if you don’t.”
You don’t care that you’ll be sleeping in the same bed as my erection all night long? Great. It’s a plan. “Um, OK.”
Upstairs, I gave her a clean t-shirt and she went into the bathroom to change. In my room, I undressed down to my boxers, which was how I usually slept, but decided to throw on some pajama pants. The more barriers between her body and mine, the better. But then she came into the room, looking adorably sexy and clean-faced in my shirt, and I didn’t even try not to stare at her nipples, which poked through the thin white cotton. My cock jumped, and I rushed across the hall into the bathroom, where I vigorously brushed my teeth and thought about Aunt Mildred until blood stopped rushing between my legs.
The light was off in my room when I returned, and I could barely make out her shape under the blanket. Leaving my glasses on the bedside table, I slid between the sheets, careful to stay on my side. When was the last time a woman slept in my bed without orgasms being involved? I couldn’t think of one time, actually. I didn’t even know what to do with myself.
I lay there for a while on my back, hands beneath my head, breathing slowly and deeply, trying to stay calm. But I could smell her perfume, and it was making me hard again. Fuck! Was she asleep already? Could I rub one out without her knowing? I braved a look at her, and my eyes had adjusted to the dark enough to see that she was facing away from me, curled up on her side. Long, agonizing, minutes ticked by, during which I imagined rubbing my cock along the crack of her ass, which was sticking out in my direction. Taunting me.
“I lied to you last night.” Her voice was so soft, I thought I might have imagined it. Or dreamed it.
“Huh?” Stop thinking about her ass.
She rolled to her other side and faced me, tucking her hands beneath her cheek. “I lied last night. I told you I didn’t remember what you said to me the night we said goodbye. The night before you left for school.”
I blinked in surprise. “Oh.”
“Did you really mean the things you said?”
“Of course I meant them. I stand by every word I’ve ever said to you.” And my cock is standing straight up right now. So if you could please stop being beautiful and sexy and vulnerable, I’d appreciate it. Thanks.
She took a shuddery breath. “And yet…tonight, you wouldn’t—”
“Tonight was not about us, Natalie.”
“But…what if it was?” She paused. “What if it could be?”
Fuck, was she serious? Because I wanted that. I wanted a night that was just about us, wanted to show her what it was like to be with someone who appreciated her. Just one night, even if it was all we ever had. But I couldn’t be the one to initiate it, not without knowing it was really OK.
“Natalie,” I started, but she interrupted me.
“I’m lying here thinking, a week ago my life seemed so complete, everything in order. My relationship. My business. My house. I had everything I wanted.”
“And now?”
“Now I feel like I’ve been missing something. Like maybe I was wrong about what I wanted. I feel…lost.” She looked at me with her huge, round blue eyes, making my whole body heat up.