Soldier at the Door(210)
And they sounded dumb to the middle-aged woman, too. “Try again, Miss.”
It came back to Mahrree, everything. She’d told herself she’d find someone, and now she did! Here she was, dressed like the night, strong, determined, and obviously familiar with the forest—this was it!
“I’m tired of all the secrets! I want to know the truth!” Mahrree declared, getting to her feet to face the woman who was only slightly taller than her. She said it with conviction, with strength, and with a tone that said she wasn’t going to leave until she knew it all.
But that’s not what the older woman with the ponytail heard.
“No, you don’t,” she said dismissively. “Go home, dear. Quickly now.” She turned and headed deeper into the woods.
Insulted, Mahrree ran up to the woman, grabbed her arm, and spun her around.
“Yes! Yes, I do! I took tremendous risks to come here tonight. I could tell something was going on in the forest, and I’ve lived here my entire life always being afraid and suspicious, but also knowing that it never added up! Something else is going on. I need to know what it is, and you can tell me. So tell me!”
The woman patted her on the arm. “Lovely speech, my dear. Truly. From the heart, I can tell. But you really don’t want to know. You think you do, but what you want to hear is something scandalous to share with your little friends, or something secretive that you think will give you power, or something shocking you can expose for a large amount of gold nuggets. But you don’t really want to know. No one does, although they think they do. They aren’t ready for it, because the truth can change everything we’re sure we already know.”
“I’m not like that!” Mahrree insisted, furious with the woman’s patronizing manner. “I don’t want gold or power or anything else—I only want to know. Why the raids? What do you want? Why so much fear and terror?”
“I don’t bring terror,” the woman said earnestly. “All I do is save lives, but you wouldn’t understand that. Maybe someday, when you have enough trust in the Creator.”
Mahrree was growing impatient. “I believe in the Creator! I read The Writings! What do you mean, maybe someday?!”
“When you can answer this question, my dear,” she patted Mahrree on the shoulder as if she was three years old. “What color is the sky?”
Mahrree automatically looked up to take the easiest test in the world. “Black with white dots, two half spheres of the moons, and patches of dark gray clouds.”
The woman stepped closer and peered at Mahrree.
“Very good,” she whispered. “Very good, indeed. I may have been wrong about you.”
“You were,” Mahrree declared. “Now tell me!”
The older woman gave her a genuine smile. “You’re simply not ready, Miss. The truth will change all you know, and you don’t want that.”
“I do! That’s the whole reason I’m here.”
“All right,” the woman said slowly. “I can not only tell you the truth, but I can show it to you. But not here. You’d have to come with me—”
“I’m ready!”
“—and never come back.”
Mahrree stopped and blinked. “What do you mean, never come back?!”
“There’s no going back from the truth, Miss. Once you know it, you have to live it. You can’t know the truth and live a lie. It will drive you to despair or insanity. So ultimately, it’d kill you,” she said simply. “You can’t live here and know it all. Are you ready to make that commitment? Ready to leave it all, for all the answers you’ve ever wanted?”
Mahrree’s mouth went completely dry at the unthinkable offer. This was the real test. Not the color of the sky, but the willingness of her heart.
“Why?” she whispered. “Why does it have to be that way?”
“Nothing costs more than the truth, my dear. It demands everything. And I have a feeling you’re not ready to give it all. Look at you—you’re quite young still, and probably have so much here you shouldn’t leave. Do you have a husband?”
Mahrree nodded, unable to speak, the thought of leaving Perrin tying her tongue.
“A child?”
“Two,” Mahrree’s voice cracked.
“Two? That’s becoming unusual. How old are your children?”
“Daughter’s two, son’s one,” she whispered, imagining for just the shortest of agonizing moments leaving their sweet little faces.
The woman’s face froze in place. “Two and one?”
Mahrree nodded, tears filling her eyes. The truth at any cost—