She hadn’t anticipated seeing so many—the patrols seemed to be tripled, probably because of the action in the forest—and she hadn’t considered how to avoid them. She watched for a moment to see a pattern before remembering that Perrin purposely devised irregular distances and times for their movement.
“Very clever, Major Shin,” she whispered. “Not only can Guarders not get in, villagers can’t get near. I’m just going to have to chance it,” she decided, looking up at the sky that was cloudy. “Rather dark tonight—”
She groaned as the clouds quickly passed, revealing two half moons and more than adequate light.
“Thanks,” she muttered. “Thanks a lot. Now if a soldier sees me, he might recognize me and not believe I was a relative from Scrub who got lost trying to find her aunt’s house again.”
But she also knew if she just stood there, she’d likely wet her drawers like Jaytsy did when she was nervous. Mahrree exhaled and started walking directly towards the canal.
Act like you belong there, she thought to herself, and they might believe you do. Behave as if you’re trying to get away with something, everyone will suspect you.
She glanced up and down the canal looking for one of the many footbridges that led across it. She found one further to the east and started for it, keeping her hood well over her head. Only once she dared to look up for any nearing soldiers. She saw one that rode past her a few dozen paces away, but his eyes were solely focused on the forest, not the fields behind him.
Mahrree smiled confidently, stepped quietly across the footbridge even though she could’ve walked through the canal since it was dry this time of year, and took one last look at the patrols. She had a clear shot for perhaps ten seconds . . .
“Do it!” she told herself, and took off in a dead run across the barren field. The trees loomed larger as she neared them until suddenly she was at the very edge. She took one last look either way, then . . .
. . . stepped in.
“I’m in the forest,” she panted and slumped down to the ground.
She stretched to the side and reached her hand out to the front of the tree she leaned against.
“But not all of me. I can still reach the field, therefore I’m not completely in the forest, therefore I’m not breaking any rules,” she babbled to calm herself. “And besides, Grandfather Pere Shin’s law first law is, ‘No officer, enlisted man, or citizen of the world . . .’ But I’m not an officer, I’m not an enlisted man, and I’m not actually a citizen. As a woman I have no vote, therefore I’m not truly a citizen, and I can’t be breaking any law,” she declared, more as a reminder to herself than anything else. “Right, Grandfather Pere?”
She released a tense giggle and looked around. “Only trees, isn’t it? Perrin was right,” she whispered. “Now, how do I go about putting an end to all of this nonsense?”
She never thought she’d get that far. That’s when she started to feel cold.
“What in the world do I think I’m doing?” She forced herself to her feet, smoothed down her cloak, and took a few steps tentatively forward, still with the ability to jump out again in a mere two steps. Her hands shook and she found it difficult to swallow.
“Just find someone or something,” she muttered, turning to head east away from the majority of the soldiers. “If I’m meant to find something, then I will.”
It occurred to her then, as she crept along, that she hadn’t once asked the Creator if this was a good idea. The night of the raid when she ran to her mother’s, she was first on her knees pleading for guidance and protection. But not once this entire day had she done that. Maybe it was because she dreaded the answer would’ve been, “Get Back Home!”
The same gnawing feeling overwhelmed her belly again, and now she knew why.
She shouldn’t be there.
She wasn’t honest—not with Sareen, who had absolutely no hope in ever getting Shem to fall in love with her.
Not with her husband, who would be livid to know she was there.
Not with her mother, to whom she gave a fake illness for a cover story.
And not with herself, for believing she could find a way to end all of this. Exactly what was she hoping to prove out there? That she was brave? Defiant? Something to be feared? Was it all just pride that propelled her out there and made her think she was something special?
She swallowed hard at her self-doubt and continued slowly along, skirting the leafless trees and shrubby bushes. She wondered what it would be that would finally force her to her senses, out of the forest, and back to her house. In a way she felt like she had come so far it would be pointless to go back now, with nothing to show for it.