So I can kiss him.
At first, my lips are closed tight, and a cold nervousness threatens to unravel the moment. But then I remember that this is my husband. He chose me. And he wants me. My lips part and my tongue prods into his mouth, and he answers with the same. His hands slide into my hair and along my lower back, pulling me into him so that I can feel every rippling, tensing muscle of his body against my own.
There’s something long and hard against my leg, and I lean into it hungrily, without a single thought as to what it might mean. I kiss him in a way I never knew was possible for me. I kiss him like I’ve never seen before, save for one time…
My mind flashes momentarily back to the most scandalous thing I’ve ever seen, a memory which has sustained my flickering desires for love for years. I was fourteen, and it was one of the rare times when my mother allowed me to visit the park with her and Isaiah, who was only a toddler then. He threw his ball, which rolled down a hill, and I went to fetch it for him.
At the bottom of the hill, several yards from where the ball had stopped rolling, there was a willow tree by a pond. Beneath the graceful, slim branches of the willow lay a couple, tangled up in each other’s arms and legs, their lips locked together in a passionate kiss. They were fully clothed, but there was such an obvious heat between them that they might as well have been naked, the only two human beings left in the world. They did not acknowledge me, and even though I knew it was a sin, I stood entranced, watching them for several minutes until my mother came looking for me. When she saw what I was looking at, she yanked me away by the arm, scolding me for being a voyeur, urging me to beg God’s forgiveness.
After that, I was never allowed to go to the park with them again, instead having to stay home and practice my piano lessons. But every time they went out and I was left alone at the black and white keys, my mind inevitably wandered back to that afternoon in the park. I wondered if I would ever know a passion like that.
And now, wrapped in Andrei’s arms, I feel a unique stirring deep inside me. It’s happening — despite the grim circumstances of our union , despite his coldness and my fear, things are beginning to change. He’s an imposing marble statue and I am a trembling, lost little girl, but he is beginning to thaw and I am finding my strength.
It’s only the start. We hardly know each other. But I know this is real, whatever it is.
And when Andrei starts to guide me backward through the crowd and into a sequestered chamber near the back of the club, I don’t resist. The sign on the door says VIP LOUNGE and when he opens the door, there’s no one inside. As though fate itself has aligned to let us in, alone together at last.
He sits down on a plush red sofa and pulls me down to sit sideways on his lap, his mouth still devouring mine needily. When his hands slide up my thighs, I inhale sharply, and fear begins to sneak its ugly tendrils back through my mind. Surely he isn’t going to touch me like he did before… not in a public place! This isn’t what I ever envisioned for my first time. I suddenly feel so exposed, so uncertain, my former oblivious fog clearing away.
When his fingers brush over my panties underneath my dress, I break away with a jolt.
Andrei looks at me, his features hard and cold yet again.
I start to open my mouth to say something, but I don’t know what to say. Suddenly, I am very afraid. I’ve rebelled. I’ve teased him. I made him want me so badly and now I’m pushing him away! To serve and please my husband is my primary purpose in life, and now I’m screwing it all up. I remember my mother warning me, ‘Do as your husband tells you, Cassandra. Even if you don’t want to, you must always obey him, or he will be angry with you. The only way to protect yourself, to be a godly woman, is to do as he says.’
My heart pounds in my chest, waiting for his reaction.
A flicker of darkness crosses his face and I prepare for my punishment.
11
Andrei
Each thump of her heart that I feel makes me want her more, and I sense her desire for me creeping out of the tight-knit cocoon she’s spent so long bound up in.
I’ve never desired her so strongly. As my hands venture dangerously up her thighs, pushing away all the expensive lace that makes her all the more rare and precious, I hear soft moans escape her lips. And they seem to beg me to press onward.
I will make her first time worth remembering.
I’m looming over her like a ravenous predator, and as my hands explore her body, Cassie seems to be readying herself to be devoured, urging me forward. With a low growl in my chest, I wrap my hands around her hips and move in to give her all that she could possibly want…