He dabs the end of his tongue with his finger-tip, pulling it away to look—for blood? Good.
“Well, I didn’t know you’d bite me. I kinda thought you expected me to kiss you.”
I step backward, hands propped on my hips. “You’re such a colossal asshat, Buck. No doesn’t mean yes, ever. You’re a big boy. You should’ve learned that by now.”
He throws his hands in the air. “Well, of course, I know that. But you said the exact same thing to me a few years ago, and, that time, when I let you go, you grabbed my shirt and laid one on me.”
Shit.
He’s right.
Heat rushes up and over my face. Good thing it’s dark and he can’t see my embarrassment.
Fuck it. I don’t have the energy for this crap.
I turn toward the staircase. “Okay. You’re right. I’m sorry—I’d forgotten about that. Oops.”
“Oops? That’s all, just oops?”
I shrug and haul my ass up the steps.
He watches me, not making a move to leave, to follow, to do anything.
I call down to him. “Goodnight, Buck.”
Once inside, the trembling takes over as I rush to my room. I sink onto the edge of the bed, hands covering my flushed face.
Fuck. I can’t believe I said that. What was I thinking?
It all rushes back—that moment I thought I’d successfully stuffed so far into the recesses of my memory that I wouldn’t have to visit it again. Guess not.
On the road heading out of town, I dragged my ratty backpack behind me, the corner of my biology book scraping the ground where it peeked out of the hole in the bottom. Suddenly, the strap was pulled from my grasp.
Buck slung it onto his shoulder over his own book bag. “Why do you look like someone kicked your puppy?”
I turned away so he wouldn’t see the tears gathered in my eyes. “Nothing.”
He bumped my arm with his elbow. “C’mon, Lou, don’t give me that shit.”
I dashed away the tear that managed to escape, still avoiding his gaze. “You’ll think it’s stupid.”
“Probably, but you’ll just tell me I don’t know shit—which is true.”
I sniff. “Well—you don’t know anything.”
“See? What is it, Lou?”
I veered off the road into the weeds, snatching the top off a wild flower, picking it apart as I went. The thick air seemed a bit less suffocating in the shade of the trees lining the blacktop road that led to our street.
“I tried out for cheer squad.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I made the squad, but I didn’t know it was gonna cost so much. I’ll have to tell them I can’t do it, ‘cuz there’s no way Momma can shell out that kind of cash. Actually, even if she could, she wouldn’t. So, you know…”
“Why the hell did you try out for that anyway? It’s not like you run with that crowd.”
I cast him a wilting glance. “Because I wanted to be normal for a change. Be something besides Poor Little Loula Mae Fontaine, daughter of a junkie and her pimp.”
He dropped our bags, grabbed my shoulders, and pushed me until the bark of the nearest tree trunk pressed into my back. “Don’t ever say that. You are so much more than that, Lou—more than all those girls rolled into one.”
My hands pushed at his chest, but he didn’t budge. “You don’t understand. I don’t belong anywhere. I’m too black to fit in with the white girls, and I’m not black enough to hang out with the black girls.”
“Fuck them. They’re all just jealous as hell because you’re the perfect shade of beautiful.” His eyes bore into mine, the golden flecks dotting his turquoise irises so familiar, yet, at that moment, so foreign.
He gave my shoulders a light squeeze, sending unfamiliar tingles into my belly. My breath caught and my gaze roamed over his features. His left eye was swollen and bruised from his scuffle with Lonnie. The muscle ticked in his strong jaw. His chin was set and determined with its cleft. His lips suddenly fascinated me. How had I never noticed them before?
He leaned in.
Panic swept through me in a flash of heat colliding with cold. “Don’t you kiss me, Buck. I’m warning you.”
As though I’d thrown cold water in his face, his hands flew up and he stepped back. His features went through an array of emotions. Surprise. Confusion. Embarrassment.
Embarrassed? Buck?
His mouth worked for a moment, as though he might say something. Then it snapped shut. His eyes roamed my face.
I’d never even considered kissing Buck. But, right then, it’s all I could think about as I stared at his mouth, imagining what it might feel like on mine.