So. Long(191)
My heart breaks a little with each breath I take. My shoulders shake and more tears wet my cheeks as the people I love most huddle around me.
The people I love most.
People.
Oh, God. I really do love him.
I pull Rachel in tight for a second, and then I let go of her and throw my arms around Danny. He drags me into his lap, burying his face in my neck. The moisture on my shoulder where his cheek lays cuts me to the bone.
I swallow hard and pull back, wiping his face with the back of my hand. “Oh, Danny. I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head, his eyes puzzled. “For what?”
“For not telling you.”
Danny cocks his head. “Telling me what, babe?”
I pull in a shaky breath and cup his jaw in my palm. “For not telling you that—”
A nurse swishes the curtain aside. “Okay. We’re going to take you down for an ultrasound.”
I back out of Danny’s arms. He moves and the nurse pulls up the bed’s side rails. He bites his bottom lip as his eyes dart from me to the nurse and back. “Can I come too?”
The round faced lady raises her eyebrows, looking to me. “Can he?”
I take his hand. “Yes. He’s the baby’s father.”
She smiles and shrugs. “I guess it’s a go then. So you haven’t seen a doctor yet? Haven’t had a serum test?”
I twist the sheet between nervous fingers. “No. Just the home pregnancy test. Why?”
“Well, it’s possible your home test may have been wrong; maybe you just started your cycle.”
I swallow hard, trying to find the answer, but heat spreads over my face. Oh lord, how embarrassing would that be?
Danny says, “But she’s been nauseated and throwing up, pretty much every day.”
The woman smiles. “I’m not saying you aren’t pregnant, just letting you know it’s a possibility. Ninety-nine percent accuracy seems like a lot, but that leaves one out of every hundred women with the wrong results. So don’t worry yet.”
She keeps up banal chatter as she pushes me down the over-bright hallway, but the wheels beneath me roll too loudly and somehow drown her out with thoughts of what we might, or might not see in a few moments. Finally, I’m delivered into the care of the woman waiting to do the ultrasound, an older lady with a big smile and cool hands.
The machine is intimidating with all the buttons and other parts I don’t understand. “How on Earth will you see anything this early?”
She pats my hand. “The heartbeat is usually visible sometime between six and seven weeks. How far along are you?”
I shrug. “I’m not sure. I just took the pregnancy test a few days ago.”
Danny stands by the head of the bed as the woman exposes my belly and squirts warm gel on it.
I hold tight to Danny’s hand. He stares into my eyes.
He leans down and whispers, “I love you, Mo. Baby or not, that doesn’t change. If we never have our own kids, I’ll still love you. I’ll still want you. Forever.”
I squeeze his hand. “I lo—”
The door opens and another woman in scrubs comes in. She tucks a chart under her arm. “Hi. I’m Dr. Fanning. And you must be Mona Lisa.”
I nod, worrying my bottom lip between my teeth.
“All right. Let’s see what we’ve got.”
The tech continues moving the wand around while both of them study the screen.
The sonographer rubs the hand piece over my abdomen. Distorted images sweep across the screen. She types something and uses the roller ball, pausing to click here and there. Then she stops and pushes deeper into my belly, toggling the sensor.
“Ah. There it is.” Dr. Fanning smiles.
I swallow hard. “There’s what?”
Danny tightens his grip and moves his other hand to my nape, massaging gently.
The doctor points to a dark patch on the screen. “Here’s the sac.”
Dr. Fanning takes the hand piece from the other woman and presses it further down. A little white blip pulses in the black spot. “And that, my friends, is a heartbeat.”
My heart skips. “Really? So she’s okay?”
“Well, there are never any guarantees. But for now, the heartbeat looks strong and regular.”
Danny kisses the top of my head.
I ask, “But what about the blood? Doesn’t that mean something’s wrong?”
“It’s very hard to say this early. Some women spot. Others have been known to have what seems like a normal period during early pregnancy. Take it easy and see an OB to monitor things. Get regular prenatal care. But, for now, you’re still pregnant. Congratulations.”
I press my knuckles to my mouth, tears threatening again. Happy tears.