So. Long(176)
I shake my head, breathing through another strong wave of nausea.
* * *
The nausea went away after an hour or so.
Danny did not.
Now, curled in his arms, counting his breaths against my back, I smile. I won’t tell him, but I’m glad he didn’t run off when I tried to shoo him away. And he even stuck around while I puked up my guts into the toilet.
Maybe there’s hope for him after all. Probably no hope with me, but he might eventually make someone a decent boyfriend.
That thought steals my smile. I roll over and bury my face in his chest.
He rubs lazy circles on my back. His kiss finds my crown. “You never mentioned what I said earlier.”
“What did you say?”
“I asked if you were afraid you’d fall for me.”
“Oh, that. Sorry. I was distracted by the vomit shooting into the back of my throat at the time.”
He lets out a huff. “Thanks. Glad to know you were so thrilled when I told you I love you.”
I pull out of his hold and sit up. “You didn’t say that. You don’t love me. Don’t say that. Don’t do that.”
He rolls away and turns on the lamp. “Too late. I just did and I do. And I will. And you can’t stop me.”
I bury my face in my hands, slumping. “No. You don’t. I’m not sure what happened that makes you think you do. But, seriously, don’t go there. I don’t want you to.”
“You can’t tell me what to do.” He pushes my knee with his knuckles, grinning. “You aren’t the boss of me.”
I let my legs dangle off the side of the bed. Elbows on knees, chin in my palms, I expel a long, slow breath. “Maybe we should just stop this now. I’m not sure we should see each other anymore.”
His arms come around my waist, pulling me backward. “You don’t mean that, Mo. Tell me you don’t mean that.”
“I can’t fall in love, Danny—not with you.” My heart calls me a liar. My brain agrees. But the walls I’ve built to protect myself, they bump shoulder to shoulder, arm in arm, standing their tallest to keep me safe. My spirit huddles in their shadow.
ELEVEN
My phone vibrates as I pull up to the curb. I check the display. Rachel. Sweet.
Ah, crap.
I swipe my finger across the screen. “Hey, you, how’s Africa?”
“Forget Africa. You and Danny, huh?”
My shoulders drop. “You talked to him.”
“He is my brother. I can’t believe this.”
The tempest in my stomach intensifies. “Are you mad? I’m sorry. There’s probably some rule about best friends’ brothers or something”
“Nah. I don’t care about that. Heck, Mo, you’ve had a crush on him forever; it’s about time.”
I pull the phone away from my ear and grimace at the photo of her on my screen. “How’d you know?”
“Duh. I’m your best friend. Best friends know these things.”
“Then what can’t you believe?”
Her laughter fills my head. “That you’ve got him so wound up. I mean, this is Danny. He’s the worst manwhore I know. And he’s twisting in the wind, wondering how he can make you fall in love with him. You are one sly fox, Mo. I’m completely impressed.”
Sly? Impressed? The giant pliers clamped around my lungs tighten.
Besides—“Wait. How do you know about Danny’s women?”
She lets out an exasperated sound. “Mo. I love my brother, and I don’t talk about it, plus I try to think the best of him—but I’m not blind or stupid.”
“Rach, look—he’s just being like that because I’m a challenge. He’ll lose interest as soon as he thinks he’s got me.”
Silence.
More silence.
I check the screen; the counter for our call is still ticking off time. “Rach? Did we get disconnected?”
“So, give him what he wants. You might be surprised, Mo. Maybe he’s really in love with you.”
I rub the crease between my eyebrows. “I doubt it. And I can’t, Rach. I’m sorry. I—I just don’t think I can do that. Danny is every wrong guy I should never love all rolled into one muscular package of pain. I can’t do that to myself.”
Her sigh comes through the phone. “Yeah. I know what you mean. I just…have you ever thought he may not be that way with you? Perhaps he was meant for you, and the reason he’s never settled with any other girl is because they were all the wrong girls?”
A flutter in my chest makes me catch my breath. No. I can’t be pulled into that line of thinking. “I love you, Rachel. I do. And I’ll always care about Danny, but I can’t take that kind of chance. I can’t trust him that deeply. I wish I could, but…”