The hell of it was, the rest of his life stretched out ahead of him, just as desolate.
“I’m sure that’s a relief for you,” he said.
“For all of us.”
He was spared from having to come up with a response by the appearance of her children clamoring for breakfast.
* * *
THE AFTERNOON COULDN’T come soon enough for her, Andie thought as she and Will walked through the light but steady snow on their way back from walking Chloe to the bus stop later that morning.
She needed to get back to her comfort zone, away from the tension and awkwardness.
“I like it here. I want to stay with Marshall,” Will announced when they were almost to the stone house with the green shutters that looked so charming and warm with its windows lit up against the wintry landscape.
“He’s been very nice to let us stay with him, hasn’t he?” she said. “But everything will be all fixed at our house this afternoon, so tonight we’ll be sleeping in our own beds.”
Will looked back at their house down the street with an uncharacteristic frown. “What if another tree falls on the house?” he asked, clear nervousness in his voice. “Chloe said we were almost squished.”
She didn’t want to think about it, nor did she want him being so nervous he couldn’t sleep.
“That was a very strange accident. It’s not going to happen again.”
“How do you know? Our house has more trees around it. Maybe they will fall, too, and then we will be squished.”
She stopped there in the snow and hugged her son. “How many nights have we already been sleeping in the house?”
“I don’t know. A lot.”
“Right. And no other trees have fallen while we were there, have they? Marshall’s house has many trees all around it and no trees have fallen the two nights we’ve been here. It happened once and it was scary for me, too, honey. But we can’t spend the rest of our lives worrying and waiting for the worst to happen again.”
Her words struck a strange chord in her mind, but she didn’t have time to puzzle out why.
“Why can’t we just cut down all the trees at our house?” Will demanded. “Then it would never happen again.”
“Yes. But if we cut down all the trees, think of everything we would miss. Trees are wonderful. We need them. They give us shade overhead in the summer and leaves to pile up and jump into in the fall. You wouldn’t have a place to climb or that tire swing in the back you and Chloe both love. They clean the air and give a home for birds and insects. The world would be a pretty sad place without them, wouldn’t it?”
He appeared to consider that, studying the big pine trees outside Marshall’s house. “I guess. I just wish they didn’t have to fall down sometimes.”
“The great thing about trees is that when one falls down, you can plant another one. It won’t be exactly the same and it will take time to grow, but if you pick carefully and take care of it, it can even be stronger and healthier than the one that fell.”
The echo of her own words seemed to resonate deep into her heart, so deeply she hardly felt the chill of the snowflakes falling on her cheeks.
She was talking to Will about a tree, but it could easily be a metaphor for her life right now.
Like her son, she was terrified about the possibility of another tree crashing through the safe, secure life she had finally started rebuilding.
Jason’s death had nearly destroyed her. For the last two years, she had spent all her time and effort to make a safe, comfortable life for herself and her children—with a few delays and complications along the way.
To keep herself safe, she was making the same apocalyptic choice Will suggested—cutting down any tree that might threaten that security before it had a chance to grow, all on the random chance that someday the winds might come again. Her deepest fear, she realized, was that this time she would be left with nothing but splinters and no way to hammer them back together.
She was so terrified of letting herself love Marshall that she wanted to ruthlessly take a chain saw to any sapling of emotion that might be growing between them.
If she continued to do that, yes, she might be safe. Blessedly secure.
But she would also miss out on new leaves in the springtime, a shady spot to rest in the summer. Birds’ nests and tire swings and tree houses.
Joy.
The great thing about trees is that when one falls down, you can plant another one. It won’t be exactly the same and it will take time to grow, but if you pick carefully and take care of it, it can even be stronger and healthier than the one that fell.
Did she have the strength to take the risk? To wield a watering can instead of a chain saw and let the feelings she already had for Marshall take root and grow?