“Do you argue a lot? With Mike I mean,” Kate asked, then added quickly, “I’m not being nosy, it’s only that Sean and I seem to butt heads regularly. He’s so damn stubborn.”
Jenny laughed out loud this time and set the sketch aside once she was finished. “Our arguments are legendary. When we get going, everyone around here heads for cover. Mike’s got a head like a rock and frankly, I’m just as hardheaded, so when we’re on opposite sides, it can get loud.
“But oh, making up is so worth the battle,” Jenny said on a dreamy sigh.
Funny, Kate thought now, she and Sam had never argued. They’d come from the same place, wanted the same things, it was just easy being with him. But if she was honest, at least with herself, Kate could admit that the fire between her and Sean was part of what made being with him so exciting.
“Kate,” Jenny said, sympathy coloring her tone, “I know it’s none of my business, but are you planning on staying with Sean?”
The simple question, quietly asked, suddenly clarified everything in Kate’s mind. She couldn’t stay. Her life was in Wyoming and Sean’s was here. Staying with him, living with him, was only making the inevitable harder on both of them. She had to get back to her real life and the sooner the better, for both their sakes. Meeting Jenny’s eyes, she said, “No. I’m going home. Tomorrow.”
Now, she had to tell Sean.
* * *
That night, they had dinner at a local diner, went to a summer concert in the park and then took a long walk back to the condo. Sean had been making plans all day, and he knew he had everything worked out. There was really only one way to solve their situation, he assured himself. All he had to do was convince her he was right. And since he was right so often, how hard would that be?
Once inside, they took the elevator to the penthouse level and walked into his home. In the last week, he realized Kate had made some changes not only to him, but also to this place. There were fresh flowers in vases, fruit in a bowl on the counter and the scent of the chocolate chip cookies she’d made the night before still in the air. Kate’s stamp was all over this once-empty space—and on him, as well.
“You want a cookie?” she asked, heading for the kitchen.
“No,” he said and stopped her by snatching her hand and pulling her up tight to him. “I want to talk to you.”
“Okay.” She reached up and laid one hand on his heart. “I have to talk to you, too.”
“Well, ordinarily I’d say ladies first, since my mother would kick me if I didn’t.” He grinned at her. “But I’ve been thinking about this all day, and I want to get it said.”
She smiled at him, and her eyes sparkled. “Okay, what is it?”
“I’ve been giving this situation we’re in a lot of thought,” he said, his hands on her shoulders, his thumbs caressing her even as he held on to her. “And I think I’ve got the solution.”
“Sean...”
“No,” he said, shaking his head, “let me finish. Kate, we get along great. The sex is incredible, and we’re having a baby together. I think you know there’s only one real answer here. Marry me.”
He’d surprised her. He could see that. But what he didn’t see was excitement, pleasure. Instead, he read regret in her eyes, and a cold fist took hold of his heart and squeezed.
“No.”
Sean didn’t have a quick comeback. He’d expected an argument. Hell, he’d been looking forward to it. He liked fighting with her almost as much as taking her to bed. But the look on her face told him she wasn’t interested in arguing. She’d already made her decision. It was just one he couldn’t live with.
“No? That’s it?”
“You don’t really want to marry me, Sean.”
“See,” he said, “I think I do, since I’m the one who proposed.”
“That wasn’t even a question,” she pointed out, shaking her head. “You said ‘marry me.’ Like, I don’t know, ‘fetch me my slippers’ or something.”
“I don’t own slippers.”
“Not the point.” She held up both hands and breathed deeply before saying, “I’ve been married before, and I don’t want to risk that kind of pain again.”
“There doesn’t have to be pain,” he countered. “I’m not talking about love here. A marriage based on mutual need is safe. Neither of us risks more than we’re prepared to lose. It’s the perfect solution, Kate. You know it is.”
He thought he had her for a second when she chewed her bottom lip and seemed to be considering it, but then she started talking again. “I don’t need you to take care of me, Sean. And I can take care of myself, so why should I marry you?”
He went tight and still inside. She didn’t need him. Just like Adrianna.
“Besides, my life is in Wyoming and yours is here. I can’t give up the mountains in exchange for crowds and traffic—not even for you. And I know you don’t want to leave the ocean, so it won’t work. I appreciate the offer but—”
“Spare me the appreciation,” he snapped. Damn it, he was talking about marrying her, and she couldn’t have been less interested. First time ever that he proposes and he gets turned down? Was it some kind of karmic kick in the butt? Was the universe at large having a good laugh at his expense?
He’d been so sure this was the solution. All the time he’d spent thinking how much he admired her strength and self-confidence, and it turned out that’s exactly what was keeping her from agreeing to marry him.
“And what do we do about the baby?” he demanded.
“I promise, I will give you regular updates on how she is,” Kate told him, her gaze locked with his. “And I won’t try to keep her from you, either.”
“That’s it?” He slid his hands up from her shoulders to cup her face. “Just ‘no’ and we’re done?”
“We’ll never be done,” she said and lifted her hands to cover his. “We’ll always share a daughter.”
He was going to take another stab at it. Sean and his partners hadn’t built Celtic Knot by giving up. He had to fight for what he wanted or it wasn’t worth getting. “It’s not enough, damn it. We’re good together, and you know it, Kate.”
“I do,” she agreed and stepped back, distancing them just a little. “But you’re dangerous to my heart, Sean, and I don’t want to risk that again.”
“Nobody said anything about love, Kate.” He cared for her, of course he did. And she was the mother of his daughter. But he didn’t love her. Love hadn’t been a part of this at all for him. Love was something that tied a man into knots and sent him spinning off on roads he’d never planned to travel. It was having to think of someone else before yourself. And for a selfish man, that was hard to imagine.
She took a breath, blew it out and said softly, “I’m saying it, Sean. I made the mistake of falling in love with you, and now I have to leave so I can get over it.”
He felt the punch of her words, saw the look in her eye and just for a second the world seemed to tilt. “What?”
“I love you, Sean. Didn’t mean to, didn’t want to.” She shrugged and gave him a reluctant smile. “Turns out you’re just as charming as you said you were. You got to me when I thought no one else ever could. But I can’t be in love, Sean. I won’t let myself be. So I can’t marry you.”
She wouldn’t marry him, but she did love him. What the hell? Sean took a long step back, physically and mentally. He thought of his brother and how Mike’s life had changed the minute he’d admitted to loving Jenny. Sure, he seemed happy, but he didn’t have a pool table in his family room anymore, did he? And Brady? Hell, Brady had given up his home and moved to Ireland of all places because he was in love.
Well, Sean’s world was already just as he liked it. He did what he wanted when he wanted. If that made him a selfish bastard, he’d just have to live with it.
“So when are you going home?” he finally asked, shoving both hands into his pants pockets.
“Tomorrow. I’ll find the best flight I can—”
“Don’t be ridiculous, take the company jet.”
“I can’t—”
“Damn it, Kate!” He took a breath to cool off and wondered why he was so angry. Sean didn’t want love in his life any more than Kate did, so why did it make him furious that she loved him and wanted to “get over it” like a bad case of the flu?
“Don’t yell at me,” she said in a dangerously soft voice.
“Then don’t say stupid things.” Outrage glittered in her eyes, so he spoke up fast. “Sorry, sorry. Take the company jet. I don’t want to have to worry about you on some crowded plane with strangers sneezing in your face and making my daughter sick.”
A muffled laugh slipped from her and was gone again in a heartbeat. “Okay, thanks.”
He rubbed the back of his neck then shook his head. “Yeah. No problem. You’ll call me when you get home.”
“Is that an order?” she asked.