“So we can go whenever we’re ready?” Bex asked April.
“Yes. Robbie will be free to go back home with you.” April didn’t look at me and my heart dropped. What did that mean?
“What do you think, Beau?” Natalie asked, noticing the shift in the room.
What did I think? I had no idea. Here I was, in the house of the woman I loved, talking about going back to my home which was hours away. I should’ve talked to her about this before.
I had to be a man. I had to show her exactly what I wanted and stand up for it right here and now, in front of everyone.
“I need to talk to April first before I decide.” I shifted my gaze so I could see her face. Her mouth was slightly agape and her eyes were wide. I guess she hadn’t expected me to say something in front of them. “You guys are welcome to go home any time you want. I’m fine. I appreciate every single one of you being here at the lowest point in my life. But something crazy happened while I was . . . well, being crazy.” I paused.
“My life changed a few months ago,” I continued, knowing I was telling the band but wanting April to know, too. “I met the most incredible woman. I didn’t think I ever wanted to be in love, but she showed me otherwise. She makes me want to be a better person, and she shows me a side of myself I didn’t know existed.” I swallowed, refusing to break my gaze from April’s, though my inclination was to shy away from anything that made me feel like my chest was ripping open. “She’s stuck by me even when it was scary and hard. I love her. The craziest part of it is that she loves me, too.”
I heard Natalie crying again, but I couldn’t stop looking at April. Tears shimmered in her eyes as I declared my love for her in front of my family. I didn’t want her to think that me wanting to go home was in any way a reflection of my lack of feelings for her.
“To be honest, I have no idea which way is up right now,” I said. “Having Robbie is something I never anticipated, but I know now I was meant to be his dad.” I felt Robbie lean his head against my arm, and I wrapped it around him, my eyes still locked on April. “I love you, April. I don’t know what you want or where we go from here. Your life is here, and I know this is a private conversation, and I’m sorry. I would never ask you to give up everything for me, but I want this. I want us. I know you and I need to figure out what we do from here, but I wanted you to know how I felt.”
She nodded, tears spilling down her cheeks. Johnny and Tanner were silent while Natalie and Bex sniffled. This was also new for Bex, who had only begun showing emotion like this in the last few years. Lennox had gone to her mom’s lap, worried about what was happening. Bex stroked her back.
“I want this, too. The rest we can figure out.” She leaned over and nestled into my neck. I could feel her tears against my skin. I had my whole world right here in my arms. I could die a happy man.
Bex sniffled. “Damn. Why did you have to make me cry and shit, Beau? Come on, now.” We all laughed, lightening the mood.
“Right? Who is this guy and what has he done with Beau?” Tanner joined in. “But, man, it’s all awesome. I know I give you shit, but you know I love ya, man. It’s good to see you happy. You deserve it.”
The band was going to start heading home tomorrow, leaving Natalie and me behind to make sure things were set with Robbie. That gave me time to talk to April privately and figure out what we were doing. I never wanted her to regret making a decision she made in regards to me, so giving us the time to think it through made me much more confident.
“We’ll see you at home.” Bex hugged me goodbye. “Bring her home with you,” she whispered into my ear.
I nodded. “I’m going to try.”
“You’re a good dad. It’s all going to be great having Robbie around. He’s a good boy, and we will all be there for anything he—or you—needs.” Bex grabbed Lennox’s hand and walked to the door.
“Thanks.” My throat was too thick to say anything else.
“See you soon,” Johnny said, smacking my back. “Get your girl, Beau. Believe me when I say it’s amazing.”
“I know. Thanks, Johnny.”
Tanner followed, shaking my hand and wiggling his eyebrows at April behind us. I laughed and shoved him out the door, shutting it behind him.
“Robbie,” Natalie said. “I had an idea. Would you like to go shopping with me and pick out some clothes and shoes? Plus, we need to decide what your room is going to be like at home if you want to find some ideas.”
Robbie looked over at me, and I nodded. “Sure! That sounds fun.”