They both looked at me. My heart screamed and jumped up and down, begging them to bring her to me. But my brain refused to let my mouth open and say the words. No matter what they said or how right Dr. Viola was, I knew she was better off without me.
April
I SAW NATALIE coming down the long hallway, and I couldn’t wait to see what had happened. It was the first any of us had gotten to see Beau, and I wanted to know everything. My fingers itched to run through his short hair and my lips tingled at the thought of his warm kiss.
I needed him. I wanted him. I missed him with every fiber of my being.
“How did it go?”
Natalie smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “He looks good. He’s in a better place.”
“Did you tell him about Robbie?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
“And how did he take it?”
“He already knew, so it was confirming it. He didn’t take it so well that I got custody of him, though.”
Just as I figured. “Is he okay?”
“Yes. He’s torn. He doesn’t want Robbie in foster care, but also doesn’t think he can be a father.”
“He’ll be a great father,” I said. Just seeing Beau with Robbie at the amusement park had solidified that.
“Yes, he will, but he doesn’t see it that way. All he sees is that he is messed up and has no business raising a child. All he remembers is how we were ‘parented.’ He doesn’t think he knows how to love.”
My body tingled at the memory of his lovemaking. “I disagree with that.”
“I do, too. We were trying to make him see how great this could be, but he can’t see past what he thinks of himself. What I didn’t tell him was that even if he could never be Robbie’s full-time dad, I would take him. He’s my nephew, and he deserves to know he’s loved by his family. Beau wanted to get out, but his doctor won’t release him yet. He said at least a few more days.”
“Can I see him?”
Natalie sighed. “Not yet.”
Why did I have the feeling she wasn’t telling me the whole truth? “Nat. Why not?”
She refused to make eye contact, and I knew she was trying to come up with a lie to tell me.
The truth crashed on top of me like a ton of bricks. “He doesn’t want to see me, does he?”
Sadness clouded her eyes. “He’ll come around, April. He’s just . . . embarrassed and in pain.”
Tears welled in my eyes. Beau didn’t want to see me. I looked down the hall, the urge to sprint past the nurses and doctors who kept the patients from us and find him so strong I physically had to force myself not to do it. If I could see him face to face, I could show him I didn’t think less of him. If anything, I loved him more for fighting through it.
But he didn’t want me. I wasn’t enough for him. Seeing me would remind him of what he’d attempted to do, and maybe he couldn’t deal with that. Now I’d become the poison in his life.
“Don’t.” Natalie steered me so we walked next to each other down the hallway toward the exit. “My brother cares about you. I know it. I see it. He thinks he’s doing the right thing, but he’s not. He’ll figure it out. Just give him some time.”
I didn’t believe a word she said. All time would do is make his resolve that we didn’t belong together stronger.
I didn’t say a word as I drove Natalie to the group home. Trent was supposed to prepare Robbie somewhat for my arrival though he wasn’t going to tell him anything about where and who he was going with.
I had no plans of either one of us telling Robbie who Beau was to him. That was something Beau needed to do when it was time. I had to admit, I’d teared up at the emergency hearing I’d been able to get with my favorite judge. He knew me well, and I liked and respected him. When I’d told him we’d found the child’s father and aunt and had a confirmed paternity test to prove it, my throat had closed up so tight I’d had to stop speaking.
That’s when his kind eyes had turned to me, and a big smile had gone across his face. “April,” he’d said, “This is one of the good times. We’ve seen so much together, you and I, but this time, it’s good. A kid gets to go home. I’m granting temporary custody to Natalie Anderson, the child’s paternal aunt. We’ll have another hearing to determine final custody once the father is available.” He knew what Beau’s story was, but it wouldn’t stop him from giving Robbie to him once he was cleared by his doctors.
“April.” Natalie stopped as we reached the door to the group home. “Thank you for helping me with this. Robbie will probably have a lot of questions. I appreciate everything.” Natalie and Robbie were going to stay with me until we figured out what was going to happen with Beau.