“It doesn’t, because I already knew it. You’re the one, April.”
“I’m so scared,” I said. “What if I lose him? What if I’m not enough for him?”
“You are enough.”
“What if he hates me now because I saw him . . .”
Natalie nodded, understanding. “Just keep showing him you’re there, April. Through all of it. No matter how long it takes to get him back to being Beau. Don’t give up. He’s going to push you out over and over and over again. Are you strong enough to hold on?”
“Am I strong enough to endure what he’s going through?”
Natalie grimaced. “We have no idea how strong any of us can be until that’s our only choice. The question you have to ask yourself is, are you in this for the long haul? Beau’s had everyone in his life that was supposed to love him leave him, with the exception of the band and me. So if you aren’t able to handle this, it’s time to go now.”
“I’m not leaving.”
“I figured as much, but I wanted to give you the out now. You can’t fix him, April.” Natalie sounded like my parents. “You need to be there for him and support him, but he has to want to live. You can’t want it more than him.”
Tears filled my eyes. “When he went off that bridge . . .”
Natalie let out a loud sob. “I can’t even . . .”
“It was horrible. He wasn’t himself . . . he didn’t see me. I chased him for half a mile, begging him.”
Tears dripped from Natalie’s eyes. “I’m sorry you had to see him like that.”
I shook my head. “No. I’m sorry Beau had to feel that way. He was in so much pain, and I couldn’t figure out why. What are we going to do if he doesn’t come back to us, Nat?”
“I’ve worried about that since he was a child. We don’t know. All we can do is see what happens when he wakes up.”
Heaviness settled over us both as she headed to the one place we hoped we could get answers, from a troubled little boy who had been the last to see Beau.
“He hasn’t come out of his room since you left earlier,” Trent said. “The other kids said he is laying on his bed, curled up, and he won’t move. Are you sure this is a good idea, April?”
I nodded. “I have to try, Trent. Whatever happened between the two of them was the trigger for Beau. I have to find out.”
Natalie and Bex stood behind me at the door to the boys’ room. Johnny and Tanner hung out with the other kids, not wanting to overwhelm Robbie.
Trent nodded. “Okay. I trust you, April. Let me know if you need me.”
He walked away, leaving the three of us standing at the door. I took a deep breath. “We can do this. We can get through to Robbie and get him to help us.”
I pushed the door open, and the three of us stepped in. There were no other kids in here, per our request. Robbie was huddled up on his bed, his arms around the enormous stuffed dog we’d gotten him. God, that seemed like a lifetime ago now. I’d give anything to go back to this afternoon. I’d never seen Beau more carefree, riding around that track with Robbie. And Robbie had laughed . . . actually laughed as Beau whipped the car around the track.
I sat down on the edge of Robbie’s bed, fighting the tears that still threatened. Robbie looked up at me but said nothing. His eyes then scanned Bex and Natalie and then came back to me.
“Hi Robbie.” My voice wavered even though I tried to stop it. “You like your dog, huh? Trent tells me you haven’t moved since Beau and I left earlier.” My voice broke, and I cleared my throat. “Are you okay?”
Robbie’s big eyes blinked, but he said nothing. It wasn’t working. He wasn’t going to talk to me. I needed a new tactic. “Robbie, I need your help. Do you think you could help me?”
His eyes widened, but he said nothing. His fingers moved, and I saw the picture he always had in his hand. For the first time, I could see what it was. It was worn and faded, but it was a little Robbie wrapped around what must’ve been his mother. She was beautiful, with dark hair and bright eyes. It was too bad she’d chosen drugs over her child.
I cleared my throat. “Beau is sick, Robbie. He’s in the hospital.”
Robbie sat up, the dog falling to the side as his eyes met mine. That had gotten a reaction. “When my mom went to the hospital, she never came back,” he whispered.
“We need you to help us make Beau feel better.” I was encouraged that he had spoken to me. “Can you tell me what happened when you brought Beau into your room earlier?”
Robbie looked away and then down at the picture in his hand. “I showed him my room. I talked to him. He’s so nice. He just gets me. Th-then, I showed him my picture.”