April nodded, and I smelled whatever scent she wore. It was fucking intoxicating. My fingers twitched, wanting to bury themselves in her hair and crush her lips to mine. I wanted to taste her, and that was the most terrifying thing I’d thought about in a long damn time.
“I’m going to ask you something, but don’t answer it if you don’t want to.”
My gut clenched. That meant whatever it was, she worried it would be too personal. Which meant I wouldn’t want to answer it at all.
“I notice you don’t pay much attention to the women who flock to you. Why is that?”
So many answers to her question, but I wasn’t sure if there were any I wanted to respond with. When I stayed quiet just a beat too long, April waved her hand.
“Never mind. I should leave you alone. You don’t know me. I’m sorry, Beau. I just—you interest me.”
She stood like she was about to leave. I didn’t want her to do that. “I’m not interested in meaningless hookups,” I answered.
April stopped and turned her body back toward me. She nodded. “That has to be hard, though. It’s always offered and flaunted in front of you.”
I patted the seat, and she sat back down. This was . . . nice. I hadn’t talked to a female like this in years. “Not really. It just doesn’t interest me at all.”
“Can I tell you something without you thinking I’m a weirdo?”
I was rather sure there was nothing she could say that would make me believe that. “Shoot.”
“I told my friends I wanted to hook up with you.” She blushed so red I could see it in the darkness. She couldn’t have shocked me more if she had stripped naked next to me. April didn’t seem the type.
“Uh . . . really? Wow. I’m flattered.” And terrified. And turned on.
April laughed. “Just so you know, I don’t do that. So my friends laughed at me and told me I’d never go through with it. But then I met you.”
And she realized hooking up with me would be a mistake of epic proportions. I’m nothing that she would want. She recognized that immediately upon meeting me. She’s way out of my league. I don’t even have a league unless it’s one for freaks. I turned my face from her so she couldn’t see the self-loathing written all over my face.
“Hey, Beau.” Her voice was soft and soothing.
I forced the mask of indifference over my face before turning back to her.
“I realized not only am I not that type of girl and never will be, but you aren’t that kind of guy, either. You deserve way better than some chick hanging on you acting like a groupie just because you’re Beau Anderson. What would then distinguish me from all the other women who throw themselves at you?” Concern etched her features. She regarded me the way Natalie did sometimes, and it unnerved me. Did she see through me?
Before I could fully register her words just may be the nicest thing I’d ever heard in my life, she lifted her hand and put it on the side of my face. I was so frozen I didn’t have the ability to pull away from her touch. “I don’t know you and you don’t know me. But I like you.”
She . . . liked me? Why the hell would she like me? She knew next to nothing about me at all, and she was a beautiful woman who could get any guy she wanted. When I didn’t respond, her eyes landed on my lips. Small puffs of air blew out of her mouth. April Knight wanted to kiss me.
My lips hadn’t touched anyone’s in so long, I’d forgotten what the sensation was like. Robyn’s face filled the spot where April’s had been, and I remembered the way she’d felt against me when I’d kissed her goodbye.
No one wants you. I don’t want you. You’re a waste of space. I backed up, making April’s hand fall from my face. The spell had been broken; there was no way in hell I could let her close to me. I was poison.
“There’s nothing about me to like,” I said. “You’re beautiful . . . successful . . . and I’m . . .” Words failed me. I shook my head. “I’m nothing.”
April stepped forward but didn’t touch me. “Beau.” I loved my name falling off her lips. It was like the most beautiful melody of letters put together. “Don’t say that about yourself. You aren’t nothing.”
Shit. I’d said too much. She now knew just what I thought. Her presence held the ability to make me lose my composure, and I needed to get out of here before it became worse. Before I said something worse. “I need to go, April. It was nice to meet you. Thanks again.”
She placed her hand on my arm. “Please, Beau.” I didn’t turn around. I couldn’t. Nothing could ever happen between us. I would take her down into the black hole with me. I strode purposefully off of the deck and down to my room. She didn’t follow me.