When I’d had enough of torturing myself, I turned around and slowly walked back to my car. I wasn’t crying, shouting or cursing. A sense of calm had wrapped itself around me like a protective shroud, giving me a sense of clarity that I needed right in that moment.
There was only one place where I needed to be, one person I wanted to be with. My single mistake was not realising it sooner. Mila was the one for me.
I hoped it wasn’t too late as I stepped on the gas pedal, rushing to get back home to her. A look in the rear-view mirror showed my wife getting her shirt peeled off by her boss. They couldn’t even wait till they got into the motel, I thought.
Tightening my grip upon the steering wheel I concentrated on the road ahead. My mind was slowly putting together the pieces, and a thought became clearer and clearer.
I didn’t love her any more. I hadn’t loved Monique in a long time.
But there was a woman that I did love, and I’d left her alone in tears, abandoned her when she needed me, when I went in search of my cheating, hypocritical wife.
I had to make it right before it was too late.
17
Mila
The minutes turned into an hour, and I was still weeping – it was as if a dam had shattered, the concrete supporting structure just crumbling away, and I was unable to stop the tears from escaping.
My decision had been difficult, but after the conversation with my father I knew I was doing the right thing. Monique’s outburst after I admitted I couldn’t be the surrogate for their baby had only proved I’d made the right decision.
I’d stayed in the kitchen, trying to calm myself down after all the shouting and screaming, but it seemed next to impossible.
And the worst part was that Devan went after her, leaving me behind. I knew it was what he had to do, of course. But a small part of me had been hoping he would have stayed with me, consoled me after the terrible fight.
I thought of my options. I needed to get out of the house, leave the apartment. After the debacle of that night, I most definitely wouldn’t be welcome in Monique and Dev’s apartment any more. Staying was no longer an option. The emotional price of remaining in their apartment was too damn high.
Luckily I’d been able to save up some money in the past few weeks since I hadn’t been paying rent. Maybe it would be enough for a deposit on a new place, I reasoned. Anything to get me away from this wretched, cold house.
I decided to head upstairs as soon as possible, pack my things and get away before either of them even got back. I’d stay at my dad’s for a night or two.
With a new plan formed in my mind I took a breath, wiped away the dampness on my cheeks and got up, ready and determined to get out while I could.
The front door opened and shut quietly, and as I heard the steps coming towards the kitchen, I froze on the spot. I didn’t know who was coming, and I wasn’t sure which of them I’d rather see – Monique or Devan.
The approaching person rounded the corner, and my eyes landed on Dev. His whole body was rigid, his jaw clenched. He looked undeniably primal, and I shrank back into the corner, shaking lightly as he came towards me. Was he upset with me for making Monique sad? For calling them out on their bullshit of a marriage?
For a split second, I was afraid he was going to lunge out at me. He had been in the Navy, after all – I was sure he could have taken me out with a single swing of his muscled arm. I’d probably ruined their marriage by calling it quits on the whole surrogacy project.
But this was Dev. I knew in my bones that he would never ever harm me, not like that. He continued to approach me slowly, as if he were an animal stalking his prey, glaring at me intently the whole time. Never taking his eyes off me.
“Mila,” he groaned when he was only a step away from me, and I felt the bestial need in his voice. He craved me, I realised with surprise. He was hurting and needed me, and even though I had no idea why, the urge to help him awoke deep inside of me.
He pulled me into his arms without uttering another word. My mind resisted, but my body was more than willing. I’d yearned for his touch for weeks, and it felt so damn good to be back in his arms.
Devan stared at me for a moment, his eyebrows knitted together in fury. I had no idea what had happened, and I whimpered softly as he stared me down. It seemed to be the final straw.
A second later, he leaned down against me, our foreheads meeting as he continued to gaze at me.
“You found out didn’t you? About Monique?” I said quietly.
He nodded. “You knew?”
“I didn’t know how to tell you… I’m sorry,” I said and slip my arms around his waist.
Then in an instant he greeted my mouth with his. I had barely registered the kiss when he took it deeper, his lips needy and demanding.