“Do you think Ronald Buzick could kill someone?” I asked Lula.
“I think anyone could kill someone. People get a little wacky, and bang someone’s dead. At least in my neighborhood. What are we gonna do now? Do we need lunch?”
“We just ate lunch at the mall.”
“Oh yeah. I forgot.”
I put the car in gear and drove out of the lot. “I think it’s time to visit Merlin Brown again.”
“That’s a good idea on account of I haven’t been knocked on my ass yet today. It wouldn’t be right for a day to go by without him knocking me on my ass.” She looked over at me. “Do we have a plan?”
“No.”
“Probably you still don’t want me to shoot him or run over him with your car.”
“Right.”
“I got a new idea. How about we bring him a poison pizza. I’m not saying we want to kill him or anything. I’m thinkin’ we could just slip him some pepperoni roofies.”
“That’s illegal.”
“Only a little. People eat roofies all the time. At least in my neighborhood.”
“You need to move into a new neighborhood.”
“Yeah, but I got real cheap rent.”
“I bet.”
“And my apartment got a big closet.”
“It also hasn’t got a kitchen.”
“A girl’s gotta have priorities,” Lula said. “I happen to be a stylish person. And I have my whole professional wardrobe from my previous vocation.”
“I used to be a stylish person. And now I’m wearing granny panties.”
“First off, you never been a stylish person. You don’t own a bustier or a single thing in leopard. And second you be out of those panties in no time. You just need to give your lady parts a rest.”
TWENTY-TWO
MERLIN’S CAR WAS PARKED in the lot to his apartment building.
“We got some good news, and we got some bad news, and it’s all the same news,” Lula said. “Looks like Merlin’s home. Now what?”
“We go talk to him.”
“Say what?”
I cut the engine and grabbed my shoulder bag. “We aren’t having any luck wrestling him to the ground, so I thought I’d talk to him.”
I crossed the lot with Lula trailing after me. We took the stairs to Merlin’s apartment, and I knocked on the door.
Merlin answered on the second knock. He was naked again, and he had a boner.
Lula checked Merlin out. “Must be that time of day.”
“I was hoping we could talk,” I said to Merlin.
“Now?”
“Yes.”
He gestured to his wanger. “I don’t suppose you could help me out with this.”
“No,” I said. “Not even a little.”
He looked at Lula. “How about you?”
“I don’t do that no more,” Lula said. “I gotta be in love now. In the meantime I’d appreciate it if you’d put it away on account of it’s distracting waving around like that.”
Merlin looked down at himself. “It kind of has a mind of its own.”
“Well take it into the bathroom and talk to it,” Lula said. “It’s not like we got all day.”
Merlin sighed and shuffled off to the bathroom.
“Sometimes it’s good to have an ex-hooker for a partner,” I said to Lula.
“You bet your ass. How are the panties working for you? You feel any twinges lookin’ at Merlin’s big boy?”
“No. Did you?”
“I felt something, but I’m not sure what it was. It’s kinda like lookin’ at a train wreck. Horrible but fascinating all at the same time.”
There was a lot of grunting coming from the bathroom. “Oh yeah,” Merlin said, behind the closed door. “Give it to me. Do it. Do it.” Slap! “Do it again, bitch.” Slap! And then more grunting. “Unh, unh, unh.”
I shifted foot to foot and gripped my purse strap. “I’m feeling uncomfortable.”
“Yeah,” Lula said. “I can’t tell if he’s whackin’ off or he needs more fiber in his diet.”
“That’s it. I’m out of here.” I whirled around and bolted for the door. “I’ll talk to him on the phone. I’ll send him an email.”
We hustled out of the building, rammed ourselves into the Escort, and I laid rubber out of the lot.
“I either need something to eat, or I’ve gotta take a shower,” Lula said. “That wasn’t an uplifting experience.”
• • •
I made an emergency run at a Dunkin’ Donuts drive-thru. We got twelve doughnuts divided up into two bags, so we wouldn’t fight over them, and we sat in the parking lot, and we ate our doughnuts.