Slow Burn Cowboy(45)
If they slept together every night, would they eventually be better off living together? If they lived together, what did that mean? Or would the intensity of their connection burn off? Would they end up just being convenient sex friends? Sleeping together on the weekends? Would he end up wanting other people instead of her eventually?
That made her feel a little bit dire. So she closed the lid on those questions.
“Sure,” he said, lifting his hand and stroking her hair. If she were a cat she would purr. “That sounds good.”
“I’ll cook,” she said, feeling suddenly decisive. One thing she wanted to make sure they didn’t do was lose their friendship in the middle of all this sex stuff. And it was normal for him to come for dinner every so often.
If they were going to be friends with benefits, they had to take care of the friendship part, right?
“Okay,” he said slowly.
“Steak,” she said. “And, if you want to bring some blue cheese from your stores that would be much appreciated. I’ll barbecue, and we can eat down by the lake.”
A strange smile curved the edge of his lips. “Okay.”
“I am offering you my prime steak,” she said. “I deserve more than okay.”
“Is that a euphemism?”
“It won’t be if you don’t show some appreciation.”
He laughed, dipping his head and kissing her deep, long, not bothering with any kind of teasing. It was full-on from the moment his lips touched hers, his tongue plunging deep, the swirling pattern he traced on the inside of her mouth leaving her dizzy and hollow feeling.
It occurred to her then that they were standing in the middle of her store in broad daylight, and anybody could come in at any moment.
She took a step back, smoothing her hair. “That will do.”
“How is the mouse, by the way?”
She blinked, not understanding for a moment. Then she remembered. The last time they had kissed in the store, the first time they had kissed. “Oh. Robert. He’s great.”
“You named him?”
“I told you I was going to.” She hadn’t really named the mouse until this exact moment, but she enjoyed the look of surprise and vague disgust on Finn’s handsome face.
“I will not be edged out by a mouse,” he said. “My friendship is superior.”
“I can tell you I’m much more likely to kiss you that I am to kiss the mouse. Though once you get past the fact he’s a vile, disgusting rodent, he’s pretty great. A very quiet tenant. Then again, he never brings me cheese, he just eats the cheese.”
“Unacceptable.” He reached out, touching her chin, as if he almost couldn’t bear to be out of physical contact with her. That did something to her insides. Made them turn over, shifted them around. “I’ll see you tonight.”
For the first time in a while, as she watched Finn walk out of the store, she felt like a weight had been lifted. In spite of all the questions that she had, maybe this could all work out.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
WHEN FINN GOT to Lane’s she immediately ushered him down to the dock and thrust a cold beer into his hand. That wasn’t particularly unusual. When it came to food, and feeding people, Lane spread her favors around pretty evenly.
All of this wouldn’t have been terribly out of place back before they had started sleeping together. A cold beer, a steak on the grill had always been sweet. The assurance of sex later made it all a little bit sweeter.
“Just sit down,” she said as she bustled around, preparing a salad and placing it at the center of the little picnic table that was just by the water’s edge. “I’ve got everything.”
He wasn’t going to argue. Instead, he lifted his beer to his lips and watched Lane walk, those little cutoff shorts she wore showing off the tanned, toned length of her legs. And now he knew exactly what it was like to have those legs wrapped around him.
Male satisfaction gripped him. Probably inappropriate, and definitely objectifying. But he couldn’t bring himself to care.
He had saved up a lot of time wanting. Wanting, longing, desiring and not having. Well, now he had her. He wasn’t going to embrace any inhibition now. He’d had a decade of it. He was over it.
She came over to the table, placing a plate in front of him that had a glorious-looking steak topped with blue cheese on it and some mashed potatoes on the side.
“Salad isn’t optional,” she said, setting a plate in front of herself and taking a seat across from him. “Because it’s so good.”
She smiled, the breeze ruffling her hair, the orange glow from the slowly sinking sun making her look like she was an angel. Except what he wanted to do with her was decidedly not angelic.
“For you,” he said, grabbing the tongs and dishing himself a portion of salad that seemed to have cheese, fruit and nuts in it. “For you I will eat greens.”
“That’s the nicest compliment you could have given me. I feel like it’s a true show of your devotion that you’re willing to eat a vegetable to placate me.”
She looked down at her plate, then without lifting her face, she looked back at him, her lashes veiling her eyes slightly, the expression impish and so damn sexy it made him hard. Then she smiled, just a hint of one.
Something in his chest expanded to a painful proportion, making it difficult to breathe. He wanted to capture this moment, capture the smile and hang on to both for as long as possible.
This feeling, this feeling that was taking over his entire body, didn’t feel much like friendship. But then, he wasn’t sure his feelings for her had ever been that simple.
It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter what it was called. If it was dinners by the lake and nights spent in bed with each other, what did he care? A label wouldn’t help.
They ate in silence, but it wasn’t awkward. The breeze was blowing over the top of the water, leaving little ripples in the dark surface, the trees that stood tall and proud around the perimeter rustling slightly, the scent of wood and pine and warm earth riding the top of the wind.
“I’ve never had a guy out here, just so you know. Actually, I’ve never had a guy spend the night at my house before.”
That simple, bland admission hit him hard in the stomach.
“You haven’t?” She had invited him to stay over easily enough. In fact, it hadn’t even been a discussion. He had slept in her bed until he’d had to get up at an ungodly hour to be home in time to do the ranch work.
She hadn’t indicated that his spending the night was a big deal.
“No,” she said, shifting uncomfortably on the bench, her gaze focused on the lake, and very much not on him. “I like my space. And I didn’t really feel like I could invite any of them over here. Then I would remember them being here. You... You’re in every part of this place already. You came with me and the real estate agent when I bought it. You helped me get everything in livable condition. I don’t know this place without you.” Her eyes met his then, something shimmering there, something that he reacted to on a visceral level. “This whole place. The house, the town.”
“Well,” he said, doing his best to defuse the tightness in his throat by taking another bite of steak. “I can’t deny that I like the idea of being first in some ways.”
“Really?”
“Men are simple creatures, sweetheart. We like what we like. And I think I’ve proven that I’m more than a little possessive where you’re concerned. But it does make me curious,” he said, hesitating for a moment before pressing on. “What were those relationships for?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “What were any of yours for?”
“I’m different. I don’t have girlfriends—you know that. I hook up. That’s different. What I do, I do for the sex.”
She bit her bottom lip. “I kind of do the same thing. It’s just that I wrap it all in a low-key relationship to make myself feel better about... I don’t know. My choices?”
“Why didn’t you invite any of them over? Why did you know they were never going to be anything serious?” He didn’t know why he was pressing, except part of him needed to know. Needed to know why he was here with her now, and why no other man had been before.
What she’d already said made some sense. There was no keeping him out of her memories of the house because he was already in them. But he didn’t know very many people who started relationships knowing they were never going to go very far.
It was one reason he didn’t do them. Oh, he’d tried his hand at relationships a couple of times, but he’d learned pretty quickly that women got involved emotionally, and he had never wanted that kind of attachment.
“I don’t... I can’t,” she said, sounding helpless. She put her fork down, pinched the bridge of her nose. “I just... I start thinking about that kind of thing, about having a real relationship. Marriage. Children. And I just... Can’t move on from it. I don’t feel like I... I don’t deserve it, Finn.” Her eyes glittered, and she stood up quickly, moving away from the table and down toward the shore.
He just sat there, watching her for a moment. Watched as she wrapped her arms around her body, held herself tightly like she was trying to keep from falling apart.