Why bother to pretend otherwise?
She did so, tentatively, the first brush of her fingertips against his skin sending an electric shock up her arm and down to the rest of her body.
“Maybe something like this?” she asked.
“Maybe,” he said, dipping his head in closer, so close that she could feel the heat radiating from him, could have darted her tongue out to taste him right now if she wanted to.
“Are you going to kiss me?” she asked, sounding more like a breathy teenage girl than she would have liked.
“I’m definitely thinking about it,” he said.
“You’re really going to help me with my subscription boxes?”
“Are you holding your kiss hostage?”
She let her fingertips trail a little bit higher beneath his shirt. “No. But I do want to make sure that isn’t what you’re doing.”
“What?”
“Giving in to me because I gave you something you wanted. That isn’t why I slept with you. It really isn’t. And it wasn’t because I just wanted to try and salvage our friendship. It might have started that way. It might have started because I was afraid. But... When I said yes, it’s because I wanted you. Really. It wasn’t because I wanted your help, it wasn’t because I wanted your milk in my store—which right about now sounds like an inescapable euphemism.”
“That’s disgusting,” he said.
“Yeah, you knew what you were getting into.” She tried to keep her tone light, but she felt like she couldn’t breathe. “Anyway, I want to make sure you’re not just placating me. Because of... You know, the physical stuff.”
He frowned, a dark light in his eyes. “Give me a little credit, Lane,” he said.
“It’s not about credit. It’s about the fact that all of this is new, and it’s strange. I’m able to acknowledge that. It seems like you should be able to do the same.”
“No,” he said, “and that’s the point. The point I was trying to make earlier. I don’t think this is weird.” He moved his hands up her waist, pulled her in closer. “Feels pretty good to me.”
Her throat went dry, her heart pounding even harder. Suddenly, all she wanted was to be alone with him. Just the two of them. She would prefer the buffer of darkness, but she wondered if he would allow that yet. Or if he would still think she was trying to pretend he was somebody else. That wasn’t it. Not really. It was just that it was scary, revealing herself to him that way. Because he knew her so well.
Everything felt like it cost more. Like she had much more at risk.
With guys she just dated, she never really worried about looking stupid when it came to sex. They were men. Basically, if she showed up and brought her boobs they were game. She didn’t have to try. And if they didn’t like what she brought to the table, she was more than happy to let the relationship go.
She had a very casual attitude about dating. It was why she never lost her head over attraction. Why she had never begged a man for sex before. Because the man himself had never really mattered. It was just a part of the normal-looking life she had built for herself here.
A house, a business, a circle of friends and on occasion a man she was seeing. Who the man was had never been all that important.
Blending that in with Finn, with her relationship with him, and the position he occupied in her life, it felt different. Heavy. Exhilarating and light at the same time. And above all else so incredibly valuable that she didn’t want to do anything to break it.
And so now, she was focused on that. He had been candid about the fact that he had been attracted to her for years. That was a lot of fantasy to live up to. Maybe he had built her up to something in his head that she just wasn’t.
A sexual vixen she was not.
While she had been in some casual relationships, she was not into casual sex. She really hadn’t had that much of it. In the grand scheme of things. In fact, she imagined as twenty-eight-year-old women went she wasn’t particularly experienced.
Finn, on the other hand, was. And he tended to associate with women who were probably better versed in the carnal arts than she was.
If Finn was imagining she was some kind of sex kitten, he was going to be disappointed. Well, he hadn’t been disappointed last night. But there was still time.
He moved his hands down to her hips, tightening his hold on her. She could feel just how into all this he was. Could feel him there, hard and thick and pressed tightly against her hip.
She lowered her gaze so she didn’t have to look at him. Because she didn’t want him to see all of her conflict. Didn’t want him to see just how turned on she was by this simple, over-the-clothes touching. She didn’t want to want him more than he wanted her.
She couldn’t remember ever worrying about that before.
But there was something about this, something about him that made her feel vulnerable. She didn’t like it. She had worked so damn hard to not feel that way. To feel in control. That was what she had done here in Copper Ridge. Struck out on her own, built a life for herself.
Her own business, her own friendships—with only elements of her past revealed so that she could control how all those friends saw her.
To a degree, she had always done that with Finn. And now, that was over. She couldn’t control what was between them. He knew everything. He had seen her naked. And her heart just about fluttered out of her chest every time he looked at her now.
She was completely out of control. And unable to insulate herself.
“Yeah,” she said, trying to keep her voice casual. She forced herself to look at him. “You’re right. It’s not weird. I guess it’s okay.”
“In that way that it’s the best you’ve ever had,” he said, a cocky smile tilting his lips upward.
“Finn,” she said, a warning in her voice.
“Sorry,” came a voice behind them.
They jumped apart like scalded cats, then turned toward the sound. Cain was standing in the door, looking not even a little bit sorry.
“You will be tomorrow when I give you stall mucking duty,” Finn said.
“I just wanted to ask Lane if it would be all right if Violet came down to her shop around noon tomorrow. And if she would be able to arrange a meeting with her friend.”
“That should be fine,” Lane said, her tone as parched as her throat.
“Great,” he said, his gaze sliding back to Finn. “Honestly, it’s worth having to muck stalls.”
Then he turned and walked out of the room.
“I told you he was a bastard,” Finn said.
“Do you want to explain that?”
“His smugness? He’s a bastard, like I said.”
“I mean his clear interest in what is...happening between us.”
Finn lifted her shoulder. “I may have made a big deal out of the fact that you and I were only friends when they first met you. And this morning, when I came back home, they were very interested in where I had been and who I was with. I didn’t tell them.”
She thought about that for a moment. “And you didn’t want to tell them.”
“I didn’t know if you would want me to. I didn’t know what to say either.”
She was drawing a blank on her opinion on this. Because it occurred to her that the topic might come up with Alison, Cassie and Rebecca. And she wasn’t sure she wanted it to. She, too, wasn’t sure what she would say. Part of her wanted to keep this all to herself. Part of her was a little upset that Cain knew now.
But if they were going to be spending the night with each other, she supposed it wasn’t really practical for them to keep it a secret. If they were going to be together. Were they together?
Finn had said they would be friends who had each other. Kind of like friends with benefits, she supposed. Which was different from being a couple.
Also standing to reason, seeing as neither of them wanted a permanent romantic relationship. Neither of them wanted marriage or a family.
But did that mean keeping this a secret? Did she want to?
“You don’t have to make any decisions now,” he said.
Well, that was the nice thing about being with someone who knew you so well, she supposed. She hadn’t had to voice any of her doubts. He had just known.
“Well,” she said, “that’s good. Although, I imagine in terms of your brothers knowing, there’s no decision to make. Since they just know.”
“True. But that frees us up to make all kinds of other decisions.” Then he did dip down to kiss her, long and deep. And it went a long way in clearing up that unsettled feeling. When he was kissing her, everything seemed to make perfect sense.
When his mouth was on hers, tasting like Finn and sex and excitement, it all made sense. Not in a way she could put into words, but in a strange, unknowable kind of certainty in her chest.
“What kinds of decisions?” she asked, as soon as they parted.
“Well, to start with...your bed or mine?”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
THEY HAD DECIDED on hers. Mostly because Lane hadn’t wanted to deal with the various reactions his brothers might have if they discovered she had spent the night. Sure, the cat was a little bit out of the bag, but that didn’t mean she wanted to parade around the house with the cat, so to speak.
Day two. It was day two of her new relationship with Finn. After a second night of making love. It had been... Well, it had been no less amazing on the second night than on the first.